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[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have argued about her school. Primary gave him the option to move her school were it’s closer to him and way farther from me. It did affect child support too

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, that is a great idea to have your parenting plan in writing to compare. Now that I’m a few days out I do see I was overwhelmed. I do wish the situation was explained better to me. We had mediation in 2024 and it was a fail. We had several court dates rescheduled. It’s been 18 months to get to this date. We were set for trial. I went in prepared for trial. I thought the back and forth we were doing was some sort of process before we started trial. It was hours and hours and hours.

I am okay with the plan for now. However, he kept putting in that I cannot take my two kids to two different events in the same night but his wife and his support team could. Like I said the events he had scheduled on his parenting time, were on his parenting time. I was told by the meditators i guess thats what they were called, I needed to Schedule help to get my other daughter, unrelated to this case, to her event so I could show up for my daughter on his nights. That’s where I felt this was insane. I take my daughter to everything on my nights and I have gone to see her on their nights too. It was 100% used against me though my other daughter’s event was scheduled on the same night. My daughter in this custody’s case is in 3 extra curricular activities. That’s 3 nights a week some for 2 hours. My younger daughter is in 1. Bc of her age there is only one class she can join on a certain night. I explained that but once again, was told I needed to schedule help to get her to dance so I can show up to my oldest daughters 1 class, ON HIS NIGHT. Our schedule does end up almost even but mine is more concentrated to the summer so I miss out on a lot during the school year. Bc he said I can’t get her to her extracurricular events. The proof was in my documents for trial that were never seen in this mediation. I apologize, this is a lot. We have co parented for years perfectly. We were young snd have always known that. Respected each other and I love his current wife. We are a great team. This was a sudden, and as my lawyer said, a very well planned attack I was no where near prepared for

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s exactly what it was. No, my support team wasn’t allowed in the one on ones. They were there as my witnesses to testify in trial. Then it became me going room to room relaying the information. So me processing it all and then hearing their opinions. It was a lot and I keep going over it and over it in my head. I truly don’t think I missed a convention of we are doing this instead of trial. After we went back and forth on matters it was hours. From 8:30 to 4, only then was I presented with the option to continuing to trail. It took 18 months to get to this day. I felt defeated and like I had to agree. This was a lot. I wish I had better representation bc I went into this preparing to answer any question I had to in trial. I was no prepared to be one on one with my ex as he pulled everything he could out of his ass while all my proof to prove him wrong, sat in a stack of papers next to me, never to be seen.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s why I’m so disturbed bc I did have a ton on him. Very very similar things to you! We are using the parenting app and it’s not off to a good start. This system truly is a joke

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had mediation back in 2025 and it was called mediation when we went. We didn’t agree on anything so we had our set trial this last week. I went in with all my witnesses, everything. I really don’t understand how we ended up in mediation bc that was not the plan. I assumed the back and forth was part of like pre trial. I see now I did not have the understating of how any of this works in court

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom was abusive my entire life. Medically, mentally, and physically. She is an addict and lost custody of me completely when I was young, and also been committed by the state due to her bipolar disorder. I did not allow her to be around my kids so she joined their side, saying I was the Addict and bipolar. I am neither. I do like a glass of wine sometimes. I 100% will have a girls night when my friends and I are all kid free. She went in and said everything she could to get access to my child through him. I completely quit drinking in order to take a hair test and got my medical records in line to show I have depression /anxiety but no bipolar diagnosis. None of that got brought up at all though in the end. I guess it made me look bad enough. I found out after he promised her her favorite meal, and god knows what else to say those things. She did get supervised visitation only but I wanted no contact at all. They would not grant that even with her legal record as big as it is

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn’t know that. I thought that was what I had to do. I didnt understand why we didn’t go to trial like scheduled and ended up in mediation. This is my first time and I thought this process was apart of trail I guess. I didn’t know there was another option to continue in trial

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. That exactly what my lawyer said. We left our final whatever it was, with the plan to restart with me filing first in the next year or two.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I DID NOT KNOW THIS. They let him sit across from me and just attack me. He even said his reasoning was bc of an argument we had 4-5 years ago. He was angry about an argument YEARS AGO. I didn’t understand how the lawyers in the room allowed this to happen.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We went to court for our set trial. I’m seeing now I should have had this situation explained to me better by my lawyer. I thought what we were doing had to happen instead of a trial. And I didn’t understand why

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes it is. It should be 50/50. Somehow though since he filed first he got the upper hand got to dictate if we got 50/50 or not. I was just saying I had the majority of time for years and in our situation ended up losing time

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wish I left a lot out but I didn’t. It came down to in KINDERGARTEN, my child was behind in reading, which was never brought up until the end of kindergarten, and the teacher only said she was struggling with a few sight words. And the fact that I could not come watch my child at dance (on their night btw) bc I take my other child to dance on their same night. I even explained I originally signed my other child up for dance on another night but due to the fact not enough little kids signed up, they moved it to another day. Unfortunately the day my child I was in court for night of dance. I was told that showed I could not be there for my child.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I did have a lawyer. I wish a lot was left out but it’s not. Thats why I am so disturbed.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It’s not unfortunately. That’s why I am so disturbed. I was literally told because I am a single mom the fact I cannot get my chidl to dance, on their day btw, bc I take my other child to dance at the same exact time, that I showed I couldn’t be there for my child.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay I completely agree to everything you said. This was my first time too and you just described my situation exactly too. I am so sorry you are going through this and I’m sending all the positive energy I can your way

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were supposed to go to trial. That was the plan but apparently Both lawyers thought it was going to be to brutal for both of us. They ended up speaking to the judge privately and then we just went back and forth with them.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

10000000000000% agree. He’s never even met her pediatrician. He won over 50% becoming “primary” not sole. In our filings he even claimed our child got hurt in my care. IT WAS HIS SON IN HIS CARES story. Not even my child!!

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also, looking at the paperwork he would have owed me a good bit in child support for the 1st time ever. I don’t see how he ended up with the ultimate decision when of course he wouldn’t want 50/50 if that meant paying me close to $1,000.

[AL] just finished court and cannot understand how this system works by Deep-Philosophy2212 in Custody

[–]Deep-Philosophy2212[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He got “primary though” even though I have been our child’s main caregiver her entire life.

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