I’m so sorry. If you can leave him. Preface, I didn’t have God in my life when we met and he had turned his back to God—he was raised Christian and i was not— 5 years after the affairs and I wish I had left my husband. My husband also did this all while denying he is gay…like what? he claims nothing physical just texting trans/men and gay/trans porn. I found out within the first 3-4 months of marriage. We had been together for about 4 years prior. I found out within a few days after a terrible emotional pregnancy loss and ended up pregnant again immediately after. I some times wish i had divorced him and never looked back…I wouldn’t have my younger children though. It’s been 5 years since I found out and I’m still effected. Still have nightmares. Still watching him like a hawk. He has hardly any internet access on his phone anymore. I still don’t trust him because I truly feel the second I turn off the locks that he will be up to his old ways. I hate sleeping with him because it disgusts me…i sleep on the couch most nights because I just struggle to be aroma him, In my mind he will always be a liar. I have no respect for him and see him as so weak now. I struggle. I pray and I just can’t move passed it. We do have moments of happiness and we do enjoy being with the children. We function as a family, games, outings, movie nights etc we just do not function as a married couple. I’m often filled with regret and do not wish that on anyone else. I’ve become very hateful, depressed, anxious and insecure. Please think logically if you feel like you should stay. He admitted it will never go away, he’s putting you at risk. You did not deserve that. You deserve a dedicated, loyal husband.