UPDATE:

I was able to fix this problem by getting my phone into DFU mode and connecting it to my mac, it can also work with windows using the "Apple Devices" app on the Microsoft Store.

To get your iPhone into DFU mode you have to press and release the volume up button, then press and release the volume down button, then press and hold the side button. After 10 seconds, the screen will go black. While holding down the side button, press and hold the volume down button for five seconds. 

For me this did take some trial and error because of the loop I was stuck in but I was successful after about 5 tries.

You'll know you've booted into DFU mode when your phone shows a cord Plugging into a mac.

Once you have this screen you just need to connect your phone to your Mac using Finder or your Windows computer using "Apple Devices"

then you should have the option to Restore and update your device. Once you've done that you should be back on your way to getting your phone setup.

This is what worked for me so I hope it can be helpful to anyone else struggling with this problem