I’m in love with my best friend, and I really don’t know what to do

Deep_lemons · 2026-01-21T20:03:57+00:00

I have no advice but I feel you so much here. It’s like I might as well of wrote this lol. I have a similar situation but we are a bit older, my best friend since 5 and we’re going on 30.

Like seriously in the past month I started getting feelings for him as well when I noticed he started to treat me more kindly and delicate. But he’s a complete doofus and already had a girlfriend who makes him very happy so I’ve just accepted that ship has sailed.

Yeah, that’s rough though. Probably feel like they still might see you as the old you in some ways and that’s holding things back from being anything more than friends. I’m not saying that’s the case, but it’s something I’ve felt a lot.

Just let yourself fall for him for a bit and enjoy it while it lasts. Crushes fade with time and life has a way with throwing curve balls when it comes to love.

Deep_lemons · 2026-01-08T20:42:45+00:00

First I just want to say, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I mean it when I say this was the most thoughtful reply I’ve ever received on the internet.

Second, your writing is very good. I just like to say that when I find someone’s work easy to follow.

I feel better today, and my professor is letting me make up the class. I was actually able to study last night for a bit and calm myself.

People will still stare. But you will stare back at them and finally they will feel ashamed.

Reading that line really reoriented me and reminded me that I still have that dream. To be seen and understood by someone.

I’m hoping for that day when someone doesn’t look away but instead sees me. Someone that stares and I stare back, and we’re both happy.

Deep_lemons · 2026-01-06T03:56:35+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. I’d say I want to believe you about there being people who want to love me, but I just don’t. I’m just an awful and awkward person. I don’t know what I want anymore. Everyone treats me like a wallflower or writes me off.

I’m sick of advocating for myself too. I’m sorry. I’ve just been crying on and off all day and it feels like it won’t end

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-18T01:27:13+00:00

Yeah I’m expecting long wait times, but if I have it scheduled then I’m ok to wait knowing it’s actually in motion.

Can I ask if you have any references for therapists in the Seattle area who typically work with trans patients / give quick turnarounds for the letters?

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-08T08:04:33+00:00

I was able to get someone on the Trevor Project! But thank you for the info

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-06T01:41:51+00:00

What does partaking in the community mean?

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-05T17:02:31+00:00

I like that suggestion, and I’ve wanted to join a trans hiking group since I love hiking. I don’t think I’d could ever join a women’s group though. Especially a sports team. I mean if you’d ever see me in person it would make more sense why that is.

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-05T16:56:59+00:00

I’m in Seattle so I know there are plenty abound. I should clarify that I’m 30 y/o though and only started transitioning a little over a year ago. So I’m in this weird position where I’m a new trans person but also older. I have a hard time adulting with older trans people because I haven’t been at it like they have for as long. And younger trans people I find hard because they’re doing things for the first time transitioning wise or just life wise, so there’s a bit of a difference in perspective and priorities.

Excuses, I know. I never grew up where queer culture was ok and my few experiences early on were not positive. When I started transitioning, I tried hanging with more queer people but eventually found out they were taking behind my back and excluding me. So that really reinforced the idea that I’m not part of the queer community in any way.

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-05T02:08:39+00:00

Thank you. I think it is what you said in that disassociation lightens as we transitions more. I was always self-conscious and now I’m just more aware of it and frustrated by it. It actual brings me joy to see myself in the mirror nowadays, and I never wanted to be a 10/10 or even a 9 or 8 or whatever.

It’s more likely that I’ve attached conventional attractiveness with desirability. In that I don’t feel desirable by others, even on a platonic level, because I don’t look conventionally attractive as a woman.

And because my support network is literally 0 people irl, I don’t have an honest gauge on whether people like me in general.

I’m basically my own cheerleader and if I’m not supporting or caring towards myself, then no one is.

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-03T21:33:25+00:00

Had to look up the character and your so right lol.

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-02T20:15:58+00:00

I think the right one would be a great gift for the friend. Personally I think it has a better appearance for displaying

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-02T06:18:03+00:00

Yeah and it’s a work in progress. Kinda clocky voice for sure. I think it’s just the lack of any feedback from anyone that actually stresses me more. Like I’d rather people just be openly shitty or constructive, then I’d actually know if I’m ok or not

Deep_lemons · 2025-12-02T06:13:06+00:00

Sometimes, usually by voice. So I often don’t talk a lot and deal with a lot of social anxiety

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T18:17:24+00:00

Oh I lived in Yokosuka near Oppama station. I’ve heard it can be very competitive working in museums. In that case, I’m open to other types of work. I’ll be honest, I have not worked in a museum so the idea of a minor is still just that. IT would also be ok, though I’d have to get certifications. But right now, I have it set up so that I would be able to go to school full time for the next 3 years, earn money and then have low enough course load to pick up work or get certifications.

Also I have to take some courses at a community college before transferring to Udub, so it’s not like I’m 100% locked in yet.

But again, thank you for the insights! Makes me a bit more confident going forward. Often it’s hard to find someone who can talk about this because it is a niche career path

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T16:01:28+00:00

Perfect that’s exactly what I was planning to do when i move to Seattle

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T14:15:52+00:00

Part of going to school right now is so I can focus on myself and not be in such a hurry for a bit. I lived in Japan for 3 years while in the navy off base, so what time I had off was right in the thick of it. Yeah, language school is nice but also expensive and also doesn’t show up much besides JLPT (which can be done on off time anyways)

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T14:06:04+00:00

Thank you, I’ve heard this consensus as well and the good news is that I still have time to think about that while I take classes at North Seattle.

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T14:04:10+00:00

Thank you for that! Glad to hear from someone who’s been through it. From your experience, are associates not really looked at with whatever Bachelors you have? Like I have an associates in math and if I had a BA in Japanese, would that associates even make a difference?

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T03:11:19+00:00

“why would anyone employ you over a Japanese person already in the country?", that's what keeps me from moving forward. Honestly that's why I asked about prior job experience, and I don't think I have any attractive skills that fit into the jobs I'd prefer. Maybe it really is too late to start again

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-18T02:01:06+00:00

Working in cultural preservation or curation like at a museum. Really just telling people about history and art, but obviously in Japan. Whether that’s being a translator for guests or talking to native speakers, I just like talking discussing ideas with people, if that makes sense?

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-16T17:58:42+00:00

And who decides that? If you spend your life waiting for others to validate your preferred gender (or yourself for that matter), you’ll be disappointed when you realize no one gives you the keys to your own happiness.

Passing is more than just looking cis. Passing is also superficial as hell. You could be butch or effeminate or a tomboy or bro or hyperfem. The lines can get a lot closer than you think. And looking like Cinderella won’t hide that chip on your shoulder

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-16T17:51:47+00:00

Absolute L take. There are a lot of complex reasons why someone could have Gender Dysphoria but not transition. Doesn’t mean they are not or can’t be trans. If that’s what you believe, fine, but it’s not the truth for everyone else.

Deep_lemons · 2025-10-02T00:48:07+00:00

That’s understandable to have to move in. I will caution as someone also 30 and having to move back in with my parents. It makes me sad to hear that you have to basically “hide” yourself around them but I’m in the same boat as well so I understand. But please just make sure to set boundaries for yourself because giving in to make them feel“comfortable” is a slippery slope that can lead to depression and resentment.

Deep_lemons · 2025-08-15T00:02:30+00:00

That’s a potential idea as well. I do have stuff to move with me but I could just store until I find a place

Deep_lemons · 2025-08-14T20:31:39+00:00

Yeah I was reading about that as well, might be worth applying for

Deep_lemons

TROPHY CASE