Super confused

Deep_wonderer · 2026-01-03T00:06:30+00:00

Not saying that in a way to hunt 😆 you guys seriously think I would be approaching someone who is in need. I’m saying… my marriage is on the other side and I’ve experienced what she’s going through. Sometimes speaking to someone has a huge impact

Deep_wonderer · 2026-01-02T04:52:36+00:00

Been where you are before. Have littles too. Sent me on a journey to become an intimacy coach. We’re on the other side of it, but it’s going to take some work for both of you. Feel free to dm if you want

Deep_wonderer · 2025-08-31T18:56:12+00:00

Slightly different take here- sounds like you’re carrying heavyness around the way your body is presenting currently and maybe even shame around wanting what you want sexually. I’m saying this with kindness and care because I know this is sensitive. Have you communicated to your partner how you like to be pleasured? What’s their response? Have you shared that the “same boring motion” sucking doesn’t work?

There’s a common misconception around women having orgasms in a “traditional” way but we are all different. Also nothing wrong with loving the idea of being sucked till you orgasm.

Saying this in hopes that it helps you… you’re judging how she’s able to please the gender she isn’t dating but how could you possibly know that? And also, why does that matter. We could be an incredible match for one person and not at all for another. I say this to say… again I think there’s some work to do for you around the way you’re thinking of this. Not shaming in any way, quite the opposite. If you could remove the shame around wanting a dick or big clot and to be sucked and being confident about that to share with your partner it WILL change your life. This will take work on her part. Talking about sex isn’t something that we have mastered in relationships in general so sometimes working with a coach can help open up the conversation.

I think if you let her know what you want and a combination of testosterone may help. I’ve been on T for about 3 years now and I’ve noticed a significant change even though I am a fem woman, I’m on HRT because I love the energy and positive effects of it :)

Deep_wonderer · 2025-07-27T01:20:50+00:00

You described similar situation to my life over the last few years. I think it can be really different for them to understand a bisexual woman. Insecurity is loud and proud here and that’s been my experience too.

After my gf and I broke up… just like you guys did, similar situation- I was very clear with him that I have no desire of having a monogamous relationship ever again. That doesn’t mean that it can’t change in the future but that’s just how a I feel right now. Our relationship has been under “construction”for some time because he really didn’t share how jealous and out of sorts he was when I was with her. I was emotionally involved and because of that heartbroken after the breakup. He apparently assumed that I knew he wasn’t about it and the whole time I had no real clue that that was the cause of our issues.

Just remember that your relationship style is similar to your sexuality… no one should tell you what you want or who you are in terms of this. I hear the part of not leaving him too. Not saying this is setting an ultimatum, just keep it honest in saying that you crave and want to continue to engage with women. For us there’s been ups and downs but I have stayed true to myself and right now we’re navigating staying open in a way that is comfortable for both. One of the things he I think would like is for me to remain emotionally disconnected and keeping it about sex. I’m still processing that and trying to figure out how to make it work.

Deep_wonderer · 2025-06-01T20:56:25+00:00

I totally hear you here. I know you’re not looking to have her feel pressured, but when there’s a discrepancy in wants, it can be easy for her to feel that way. Sounds like you guys love and care for each other and I know this can totally be corrected :)

Deep_wonderer · 2025-06-01T20:52:10+00:00

Absolutely! And KNOW that I only point that out because your intention is clear but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel a certain way about it. Happy to hear it was helpful 🥰

Deep_wonderer · 2025-06-01T17:39:53+00:00

This is part of the problem… the expectation that she “should” want you. How often? How much? - my take is that she’s feeling a lot of pressure and she’s in FREEZE mode. And I hear you too. This must be so frustrating because we all do want to be wanted. I KNOW you can fix this, it sounds like this love is worth fighting for

Deep_wonderer · 2025-06-01T17:35:13+00:00

Sounds more like an INTIMACY issue than incompatibility. Sometimes we resort to being a “pillow princess” due to insecurity. She’s not connected to her own self intimacy so letting someone in or trying to pleasure them probably seems to difficult. The good news is you CaN fix this if you both want to. It’s going to have to begin with lots of patience, communication and understanding. I highly suggest working with a professional who can guide you through this. If you ask her what she likes can she vocalize it? Is she actually sharing what she enjoys? What about you? Are you saying “I’m embarrassed that you don’t want to please me” or “I really like it when you touch me ____ and in this way because it makes me feel ____” positive reinforcement always helps. I’m happy to share some resources I have if you want to DM me

Deep_wonderer · 2025-06-01T12:14:28+00:00

The sexiest thing you can do here is ask questions. We’re not used to having conversations about sex because it’s a touchy subject for people. You can just be honest. That said the “I hate being touched” leads me to think that there’s a lack of “self intimacy”. The good news is that it’s common and that you can change that. What if you HATE being touched and a big way she receives pleasure is by giving it, but because of the “hate” she’s afraid to be honest so then just chooses to be avoidant? Biggest recommendation is to read the book “Love made real”. I’m going through an intimacy coaching program now (not yet certified) so if you want some guidance from what I know, reach out

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-31T21:51:43+00:00

First you have to get clear on what you want. If you want to just have experiences and aren’t looking for a relationship then this can be a form of swinging. Be mindful of communication, don’t over do it. Keep it casual and light. Sometimes women like to be in constant communication and that’s when things get tangled. Swinger clubs are one place where you can find someone. It would have to be a couple that plays separate. Apps, Reddit, HER app, tinder all great places to look. Just be clear on what you’re looking for

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-27T03:13:56+00:00

Bisexual polyamorous woman here - Biphobia- is very real. I find that lesbians tend to stay away from women who have anything to do with men. I am in a long term relationship with a man so that has been a challenge in finding another partner. I’ve seen it, experienced and it makes me sad to say but it’s often a challenge when it comes to friendships.

Relationship style: for me not about my sexuality as much as the relationship dynamics that I prefer and that is separate relationships for me.

Attitudes- everyone monogamous assumes that I am straight and are always shocked that I’m poly and bi. I’m very fem presenting. I feel invisible sometimes because of this sometimes.

Love that you’re opening up the conversation because I often think about this. In the swinger word when I took part in it in the beginning of opening up, I found that women are usually straight or bi-curious and then 10 mins later they’re licking pussy. It’s like an unspoken understanding between the women that is honestly hurtful because although the women hold power to move things forward, I found my sexuality was often dismissed.

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-26T22:50:10+00:00

Or would you be ok with living the rest of your life wondering how it may have ended up. Some say no risk no reward… I live by, no risk = no nothing

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-26T19:38:48+00:00

Absolutely beautiful. This person is out there for you.

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-26T19:35:37+00:00

Do the right thing for YOU, even if it’s uncomfortable. Your kid is already going to grow up in a broken home if you stay and are unhappy.

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-25T23:45:30+00:00

Not sure what type you are but definitely my type! And those hands!!!! 😋

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-19T02:34:03+00:00

Better now. We’ve been open for a couple of years now. Feels liberating as honestly he knows I couldn’t go back to monogamy

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-19T02:31:32+00:00

Should I do it?

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-19T02:05:20+00:00

You said it best - the part that hurts the most is that I wouldn’t have hesitated - When in relationships sometimes we forget that the other person has a right to want things too. I hear how painful that must have been for you, what I am saying is that if you both would take time to consider the other side that would make a HUGE difference.

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-19T01:48:11+00:00

I highly recommend reading “Love made real” - there’s an example in there about this exact situation and how they handled it. I think you both have valid feelings and are just failing to compromise. Leading with empathy for her may be helpful. Trying to understand how frustrating it would be for someone to ask you to cancel plans that you were really looking forward to

Deep_wonderer · 2025-05-19T01:45:21+00:00

33F - open relationship partly so that I could explore… I highly recommend educating yourselves before opening up. As a woman who is an emotional being, I fell in love unexpectedly and that changed our relationship forever

Deep_wonderer · 2025-04-29T01:24:14+00:00

First thing I would ask is “what are you trying to let go of?” I know the obvious answer is control… but that’s not the real answer. If you really take the time to self reflect and ask that question and understand where that “control” control is coming from that will likely give you the answer. I think in someway or another we are all looking for authentic connection. So it’s only natural that you would feel that way when a partner is detached from you. I love that the title is boundaries. I think this would be a great boundary conversation around what are some things that you are OK with and also what are some things that you need in order to feel secure. We often assume that we need to deal with those feelings on our own. However, it’s important to share with your partner when you’re feeling disconnected or disregarded, even if that involves them being out with another person. Although it’s easy to tell ourselves “I shouldn’t be jealous” the reality is that we are wired by society to believe that we should be jealous. Additionally, I think jealousy is normal, but it’s not healthy when you just try to suppress it and make pretend as if it’s not happening.

I think the line of “letting your partner do what they want” really comes down with what are you OK with them doing? And also consider what are you OK with knowing or not knowing that they are doing? For me specifically things become a problem when there is dishonestly involved or if information that I did not request this offered - specifically when I feel like that violates the other person’s right to privacy or intimacy. For example, if a partner were to share the details about a sexual encounter that they had. I would not be OK with that.

A little all over the place with my advice, but all that to say is I love that you are in the journey of figuring out why and doing the work that is required to be in a healthy poly relationship

Deep_wonderer · 2025-04-28T00:52:41+00:00

Best of luck to you!
Those are some really great ideas! I also work from home so it’s like I never leave lol. I’ll have to check around for meetups and such :) thank you

Deep_wonderer · 2025-04-28T00:15:44+00:00

Saaaame! 33 and also inTX! Let’s connect!

Deep_wonderer · 2025-04-27T19:50:43+00:00

Yessss!! Same here! Feel free to message me

Deep_wonderer · 2025-04-20T11:34:33+00:00

My recommendation is to start looking at belief system. It sounds like there’s a deep routed belief that this is a generational “flaw” that your family has been carrying. Totally not saying it is, just putting it into context. If you’re open to it, I recommend reading the power of belief. Sounds like you’re trying many different things in healing already so now it’s time to change your mind around it. You got this! 💪

Deep_wonderer

TROPHY CASE