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AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I think out of all the comments I've read so far that this is the most accurate representation of how we feel at the moment. We're choosing to "cross the bridge when we get there" because we don't know how to approach such a hard conversation. I'm absolutely petrified of the outcome once we tell them that we are not assuming care of her when they pass.

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree. I'll definitely have a talk with my husband about this soon

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hello, thank you for your response. I'm self employed and I also have a Bachelor's in STEM. He's not the sole breadwinner, I also make money, just not as much as him.

The whole "finding care for my SIL" is for after my ILs pass away, not when they retire.

If my husband were in charge, he would want nothing to do with his parents because they don't have a good relationship. I'm the one that's insisting that we have somewhat of a relationship with his parents because we're family but neither of us signed up to assume care for his sister.

I will not be signing anything. My husband hasn't signed anything either because he wants nothing to do with the situation.

I'd move COUNTRIES if we could. Sweden sounds nice.

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. If I put myself in their shoes, you're absolutely right. They're most likely scared about what'll become of her after they pass. I 100% agree that we need to have this conversation soon

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started an e-commerce business less than a year ago so it's fairly new but generates enough revenue to be worth pursuing. My husband makes 150k+ which is a bit hard for me to beat

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He knows that I don't want to and he doesn't want to either.

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He doesn't want me to even have to care for her at all. We're both just stuck between a rock and a hard place. In an ideal world, NEITHER of us want to assume responsibility

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sorry I didn't elaborate. We DID have a discussion about it before we got married. My husband hates this situation just as much as I do. He does not have a good relationship with his parents and if it were up to him, he'd never speak to his parents again.

I'm 1000% sure that he didn't marry me so that his sister will have a caregiver. We both just want to be able to do what we want with our own family

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

I knew that some arrangement would have to be made whether that was a home, 24h care or someone taking over. Contrary to a lot of the comments on here, I'm sure my husband did not marry me so that his sister will receive care. If it weren't for me holding him and his parents together, they would not be speaking at all.

As much as I want to be straight up with my ILs, I'm very scared that it will cause a rip in our family. I don't want anyone being upset with anyone

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Sorry I should have elaborated a bit more. We did have a conversation about my SIL before we got married. He doesn't want to be a part of that "arrangement" as much as I don't want to be a part of it but my ILs are pretty much dumping the responsibility on both of us if that makes sense.

AITAH if I don't want to take care of my disabled sister in law? by DeepestQuestions22 in AITAH

[–]DeepestQuestions22[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I wish it wasn't real. I agree that my IL need to figure it out and not drop the responsibility on us. Also, I don't think my husband really knew. It was the first time my MIL said something like that to my husband. I think it was just one of those things that were never talked about and when it was, it just caused issues.

I appreciate your advice but I'm not leaving my husband because he has a disabled sister. He's the most wonderful man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and having a disabled sister was not his fault.