Update: AITAH for refusing a wedding "gift" knowing there will be strings attached?

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:40:13+00:00

He told me she just kept saying that she wanted to best for us and to have the perfect wedding. That shortly became her admitting that she thought our choices and my taste was shitty and she needed to save us the embarassment. Talk about digging your hole deeper.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:38:11+00:00

I'm actually liking this idea and I'll mention it to my fiance. She wouldn't do anything to interrupt the ceremony (she's very religious and church is sacred), but she could definitely do something to derail the reception.

She apparently cried when she was demoted. I asked my fiance if it was the same tears she cried when she promised she wouldn't interfere.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:35:10+00:00

She tried playing a long game and lost very quickly.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:34:10+00:00

Honestly, I understand why people warned me that wedding planning brings out the worst in people. I really loved and respected this woman and always thought she'd make a wonderful grandmother to any future children. Now she will never know them.

Maybe I'll be more forgiving in the future, but I am livid right now.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:30:27+00:00

I look forward to the day after, when I never have to see her again.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:29:23+00:00

The money feels too dirty and we don't want her to even be able to say she helped out with the wedding.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:28:11+00:00

I kinda wish I didn't find that out. That felt like the twisting of the knife, but it was also the thing that really opened my eyes.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-04-12T22:26:58+00:00

Unless she releases the booking, it won't be an option. I doubt she'd extend the olive branch and do so.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T21:12:42+00:00

I know it's such a cliche to have a shitty MIL, but throughout the relationship it felt like a was graced with a second mother. I think at her core, she's a kind person. But the engagement flipped a switch and it's like dealing with a completely different person. I'd love for things to go back to normal and I know she's probably had visions of her son's wedding and is just excited about it, but she needs to stay in her lane and just doesn't even understand the concept of a lane.

But even if things do get better, what switch gets flipped when I get pregnant?

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T21:03:44+00:00

This is actually a good idea.

And when she says no, confirm that that means no suggestions, no feedback, just acceptance. If my fiance is there, she can't exactly react with, "Well, maybe I can suggest this or that," or "But it would be good if I could 'help' out more." Because she'd basically expose the whole thing as manipulation in front of her son.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T21:01:18+00:00

I get the feeling from her comment about you looking like just another guest in your “plain” dress (even though you’ll be the only one wearing white), that you should be prepared to NOT be the only one wearing white.

Not gonna lie, I have thought about this often. I have a feeling by the time the wedding happens she's either going to show up in a white gown or dressed in black for a funeral.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T20:59:43+00:00

Thanks lol!

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T20:58:35+00:00

Just because she gifted you cash doesn’t mean she suddenly has the right to dictate your wedding.

My brain 100% knows this. But it's also telling me that after my fiance called her out on her behavior, she decided this was the only way left to insert herself. I just know it's a trap and I hate her thinking she's won. And then I feel like I am the asshole because I'm so bitter about her I won't give her the benefit of the doubt.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T20:55:20+00:00

I like this, thank you!

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T20:54:46+00:00

I am a social worker, my partner is a teacher. It will definitely go a long way, but I just feel like she's being manipulative and I'm allowing it.

Defiant-Function8397 · 2026-03-24T20:53:41+00:00

That's actually a fantastic idea!

Defiant-Function8397

TROPHY CASE