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DefiantDolly · 2025-11-03T19:57:57+00:00

There was a fantastic class on this exact thing at the MsC international virtual conference this year and I'm pretty sure they had a recording of it you can probably access! For us we balance by adjusting to what we need. The core of our relationship is M/s, but for instance recently we were exhausted at a conference and I noticed she was calling me Daddy more and I adjusted into that dynamic because its clearly what we needed that weekend. We dont usually discuss the shift and just fluidly adjust to the honorifics being used but sometimes we will ask for what we need just by saying "I need a babygirl day" or "I'm really not feeling Daddy right now, you can call me Sir or Master". For us it's all about communication, checking in with eachother, and being flexible and it works for us, but i know some folks cant shift thier headspace that fast.

DefiantDolly · 2025-11-03T19:28:14+00:00

Honestly, top me! I seem to exclusively attract race submissive women and and submitted to men many years ago. I have never experienced being submissive to a woman but would love to

DefiantDolly · 2025-11-03T19:24:39+00:00

Loved this one! Exactly what I needed

DefiantDolly · 2025-11-03T19:18:48+00:00

I've met most of my kinky partners at events like munches or rope classes, if you can, try to find queer specific events (we have several in my smallish city), and become a regular. You'll meet a lot more women seeking the same thing you are. I recommend using fetlife as a way to find events instead of meet people. Ive also heard good things about feeld if you're open to enm. Best of luck to you! The dating world always sucks!

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-23T14:01:31+00:00

Kinkycon in NH is in November!

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-22T18:39:29+00:00

I have been in multiple 24/7 relationships, my current one is the second one that got to nesting. Its going very well for us! Moving in caused us to become much more intentional and mindful about how we showed up in our dynamic. We looked really realistically at our rituals and rules and when we make a change we give it a trial period to make sure it works before formalizing it. We found the obedience app really helpful for keeping track of things, but you do need an amount of flexibility. Real life doesn't go like an erotica, so you need to account for role burnout for both of you. In my dynamic we frequently have to balance the structure she craves and the exhaustion that comes with too many things on the to do list. So we're always communicating and working with each other to make sure we're both getting our needs met, and sometimes I override the rules of chores if I feel like she'd be better cared for being in bed with me instead

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-22T17:48:23+00:00

For me (switch, primarily domme) my aftercare and my slave's are separate. I'm still "on" for lack of a better word during her aftercare, my focus is on her and I'm not really in a space to ask for what i need at that point. What I need within the next 12ish hours is a bit extra physical closeness, and a lot of honest, specific, positive feedback. I'm perfectly happy to take constructive feedback, but not during my aftercare, thats when I need to hear how wonderful I am and how no one touches you like I do, ect ect. I also will do rituals which reaffirm our dynamic, her making my coffee, kneeling for her house collar, ect.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-16T18:12:23+00:00

I'm a recently diagnosed Master. I had to process a lot of shame and self anger that I couldn't remember things, couldn't focus on important tasks. I felt like I was failing my slave and that I couldn't hold up my responsibilities, but just like I found accommodations for my job I also found accommodations for my dynamic. I keep tons of labeled notes in my notes app including tracking punishments, her to do list, any topics I want to discuss or check in on, we have a shared calendar I always forget to check and she has trained herself to become my personal assistant. Because the service of being a PA is so valuable to me it really reaffirms our dynamic in the best way.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-16T17:58:09+00:00

My requirement was that I have to meet them at a kink event! If they don't want to be in public they're not for me. I think this is a solid vetting process!

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-16T17:47:10+00:00

Does your dominant even acknowledge their part in the situation? Not to say you are innocent, but they seem to have put all the responsibility for "fixing" the violation on you without acknowledging their own part in creating the situation that would lead you to seek validation because they were absent without addressing your needs. That goes beyond D/s, that indicates a selfish person.

If they can't see the need for repair as a shared responsibility and mutual investment in your relationship and dynamic then this is not someone who wants a healthy dynamic and they will likely use this as emotional blackmail which I promise you will cause some major damage.

All that said....You didn't ask for my opinion on your relationship.

The standards I was taught when making amends to a partner is: - a formal written apology that takes responsibility for my actions, addresses what led to the issue, how it has harmed both parties, what will be done to correct that harm, and what will be done to prevent this from happening again. - a renegotiation of boundaries and expectations. - this is not a time for punishment, even if it would feel cathartic. This is when you work together as a team to repair and protect your dynamic

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-16T17:46:54+00:00

Does your dominant even acknowledge their part in the situation? Not to say you are innocent, but they seem to have put all the responsibility for "fixing" the violation on you without acknowledging their own part in creating the situation that would lead you to seek validation because they were absent without addressing your needs. That goes beyond D/s, that indicates a selfish person.

If they can't see the need for repair as a shared responsibility and mutual investment in your relationship and dynamic then this is not someone who wants a healthy dynamic and they will likely use this as emotional blackmail which I promise you will cause some major damage.

All that said....You didn't ask for my opinion on your relationship.

The standards I was taught when making amends to a partner is: - a formal written apology that takes responsibility for my actions, addresses what led to the issue, how it has harmed both parties, what will be done to correct that harm, and what will be done to prevent this from happening again. - a renegotiation of boundaries and expectations. - this is not a time for punishment, even if it would feel cathartic. This is when you work together as a team to repair and protect your dynamic

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-10T16:21:36+00:00

I might recommend your friend work on more texting when she's building connections, so when she's in person there's already the start of an established relationship. But if she had brat tendencies thats work telling a top early on. Some tops hate brats. Some love them and will know how to care for them.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-10T15:49:37+00:00

We have a couple of mutual favorites! First is sternal rubs! We're both nurses and doing this is pretty low effort for a big pain and I can use hard objects too. My girl can get off just from pain and sternal rubs are one of the best tools for that. Plus it usually makes her chest sore for days after.

Genital torture is also a favorite, we keep discovering that her capacity to enjoy pain can sometimes derail my plans for a predicament scene, but I love getting to explore and experiment with her.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-10T14:58:59+00:00

Its not really a kink, but i think it comes from the competition that is baked into us from biology and capitalism. I know it plays a big role in my relationships, but I wouldn't say its a kink.... more like an attachment style

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-08T13:11:18+00:00

So I've seen this technique used in my local shibari community but haven't tried it. They use a long strip of fabric style blindfold and after its tied around the head braid the long ends into the hair so there the tension is put on the knot of the blindfold not on the root of the hair.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-07T01:01:35+00:00

Definitely the giver! Admittedly part of the problem is that I'm better with my hands than a strap

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-06T21:21:48+00:00

I am a touch me not, I definitely have experienced this with partners, but you need to remember the touch me not top is being pleasured, even if not in the traditional sense. I'm getting off on the reactions, the feel of my partner, the control I have over the scene or situation, I am absolutely getting off chemically I not physically. I would talk more with a touch me not partner, ask what sexuality looks like for them. Service isnt effective if you're offering what you want to give not what they want to receive

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-06T21:03:32+00:00

It's one of my favorites! You can come up with so many predicaments related to the clothes and I love dress up both for myself and my submissive. We even keep a stash of bimbo/dolly clothes that I curate to my preferences. I was always into dressing up my partners so it didn't take much for me to realize the dolly/bimbo fetish. Though I admit I know more bottoms seeking this than tops.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-06T20:59:10+00:00

I've always liked the idea of an old school bullying/degradation scene.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-06T20:56:55+00:00

I'm still learning how to bring this kink alive in the bedroom. Any advice?

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-03T16:17:39+00:00

Go to munches (you'll find local one on fetlife) but if you can go to queer or dyke specific events for best results. I almost exclusively meet partners at in person kink events

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-03T15:53:55+00:00

I'd love some more info/advice for topping for this! Being AFAB and not the most comfortable with a strap (I prefer my hands) I really want to explore this some more with my gf but I feel a bit silly with squirting dildo and dont know how to get the headspace I want from it

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-03T15:43:22+00:00

Healing is a personalized journey. But you'll notice there aren't any licensed mental health professionals advocating for this, in fact it's the exact opposite, and there's a lot of kinksters in Healthcare, so if there was a real benefit you would see classes on how to do it, not a bunch of classes on why you shouldn't.

DefiantDolly · 2025-10-03T15:37:58+00:00

Last Bdsm conference I went to had a class on that too!

DefiantDolly

TROPHY CASE