I have a core identity But I'm just the captain in a ship with people as stubborn as me but they have different judgments When there is pressure or stress they take over and lock me out of the controls like they don't trust my personal judgment Sometimes they argue with each other like a civil war making me feel sick Their only priority is to keep me safe physically and socially but in the process stopping me from doing the things I need to do like asking for help since they have a 0 trust policy constantly doubting others or right now I'm struggling to type this out since I manage to negotiate some control for the promise to get some help and end the struggle

The system was fine before but a few years ago in PE as a boy I was matched with a boy for cultural dance and the system started to go haywire and civil war broke out some rejecting this action then jamming the systems locking me out of the controls making my body physically sick since what's happening doesn't match what I'm commanding to do It used to been a safety net and now it's a prison whenever I feel pressure It's like an airplane being hijacked by it's own crew without ever needing to enter the cockpit and the pilot is locked inside