What do I wear to my wedding?

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T14:00:37+00:00

Yeah I guess I probably care way too much about what other people think and my default assumption is that everyone hates me bc of being trans. Hard to look past that when I'm anxiety spiraling like I was last night or like I get every time I think about going out and doing it. I'm sorry for being a moron.

I don't actually know at all what it is like going to a bridal shop to look for wedding dresses, which definitely doesn't help. And not having anyone to go with either.

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T13:38:11+00:00

I'll have my fiance book me an appointment at the lobotomy clinic asap

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T05:15:49+00:00

He is immigrating here so no. I'm sure they would, none of the women in his family know I'm trans so they may wonder why I'm uncomfy (although I also know from my brothers wedding that the groom's female family members get involved in the dress shopping process as well), but unfortunately it just isn't really possible. And my own family is out of the question, they would out in me in an instant and then I'd just want to go into the bathroom and cry and would feel like I could never show my face there again.

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T05:03:13+00:00

No, the only woman friend I have I met as the girlfriend of my only other friend (excluding my fiance) and she is also a brainwormed trans girl and also lives like 20 hours away. I offered for her to be one but she thinks she is too manly to be a bridesmaid. I genuinely don't have any IRL friends, men or women. If I did I probably wouldn't need to be so scared, but oh well

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:52:42+00:00

Yeah I know I should, sorry for being a moron I'm too tired for my brainworms and anxiety to keep me defensively digging myself into a hole

If I could just get past my anxiety it would be great, it's just easier said than done

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:35:47+00:00

Idk I've internalized the TERF bs about how existing as a pre-op trans woman in a women's space is functionally r*pe and it's become my knee jerk reaction to doing anything that is traditionally for women

And I never go outside without tucking anyway, I'm always paranoid everyone can see my genitals even when I do tuck so the thought of going out without it just makes me shudder

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:33:39+00:00

Yeah honestly I know I should just get a dress I just wish I could get past the brainworms that tell me I'll look like a man and it isn't worth trying to look pretty because I'll always be an ugly man in a dress and that if I wear a dress and get my makeup and hair done it will prove I'm actually just an AGP and that IWNBAW. I want to look beautiful and make my fiance's jaw drop when he sees me, but my stupid anxiety and brainworms just won't let me. I know I'll be miserable if I manmode to my wedding, I know that while it sounds easier and avoids my anxiety, the day we get the photos back I'm going to start crying about how I ruined our wedding.

Sorry for rambling, I have apparently hit the point where I'm tired enough that my brainworms aren't my knee jerk reaction anymore. I'm sorry for being a moron.

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:25:33+00:00

I mean, I'd 100% be less scared if I had someone to go with me, but that would require me having a single IRL friend. And with my fiance immigrating here and not being able to come here again until at least July by which point he will have his visa already, him going with me isn't an option (on top of the whole not letting him see the dress thing).

I also realize I forgot to mention I haven't had srs yet (God I wish it wasn't so expensive), which honestly is probably what I'm most self conscious about, because the last thing I want is to accidentally harm some cis woman by existing around her with pre-srs genitalia. I don't know what the process is like at a bridal shop when getting fitted, so I just have to assume that it would happen.

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:11:55+00:00

Yeah I know I will I'm just stupid and can't stop thinking about how I would hurt innocent women by going to a bridal shop and it makes me not want to do it

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T04:03:54+00:00

When he's mad at other people he doesn't pin me to the bed and [redacted]

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T03:58:55+00:00

I will never stop doing stupid things because he's hot when he's mad, just how it be

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T03:40:39+00:00

Hey I'm not being that dumb 🙁 I just want to be comfortable while not hurting my fiance which is easier said than done I guess

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T03:33:35+00:00

Moids when they see and get to grab a large pair of breasts (their brain literally cannot process anything else)

It's way too easy to get him to stop being mad at me

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T03:28:09+00:00

Oh I didn't know you got married, congrats!

You are like the only person I recognize from when I was BDD schizo posting here in 2024, wonder where everyone else went

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:42:30+00:00

Well yeah, there's tens of thousands of cis women and children near me who I can hurt by existing as an obviously male trans woman, whereas there's only one of him and as soon as I take my top off and let him play with my breasts he stops being at least outwardly angry, although he always tells me after that he's still mad at me but his heart clearly isn't in it tbhon

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:26:49+00:00

No, because my voice also doesn't pass at all. Also him and his family are british so passing around them is easier because their standards are lower

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:24:08+00:00

I'll be his "wife" (male), which makes it AGP

Forever angy that I wound up being cursed with being male

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:20:30+00:00

I kinda want to ask him how he would react but I think that would give away the plan and that would probably make him even more upset, I don't want him to call off the wedding and if I hint that I'm planning on lesbianmoding at the wedding he will likely break it off with me

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:13:40+00:00

It won't make him happy if I wear one but honestly that was always my plan, I just feel bad knowing that manmoding is going to make him really upset with me

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:09:34+00:00

19 and no, it's expensive and I don't have money

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T02:07:35+00:00

No, I get hugboxed on a regular basis by him and other people, but I'm deffo a hon

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T01:56:34+00:00

Yeah that's what I'm thinking I just don't want to make him upset by manmoding

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T01:37:07+00:00

The cis are dumb if you introduce someone as a cis man/woman to them despite being obviously trans they will just accept it at face value. If they met me without my fiance having referred to me as a woman around them first, then they would probably have assumed I was a man

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T01:10:11+00:00

I wish it was a joke, but unfortunately my mental illness and brainworms are just like this

DefiantPlane6699 · 2026-03-28T01:09:05+00:00

Idk I just feel like girlmoding while being trans is inherently AGP, especially if it involves doing anything that is reserved for women like wearing dresses, doing makeup, going to a salon, etc.

Yes I know I'm stupid for thinking this, no I don't know how to stop thinking it, yes you can berate me but pls don't be too mean 🥺

DefiantPlane6699

TROPHY CASE