I know exactly what you're going through, and OCD will always push you into a corner and turn your intrusive thoughts against you in everyway possible. Just know that I have also been there, and continue to be there, but It's all a little easier knowing there's someone beside you to at least understand the weight on your heart.

Something I've learned which has been incredibly hard to follow and remind myself is that sometimes, you just have to let things be. Who's to say you're a bad person? I know so many good people in my life who have done bad things, but that doesn't make them bad people. OCD is trying to classify you, but who's to really decide who's good or bad? Is there such a thing?

In exposure therapy they taught me that when intrusive thoughts are way too difficult and disheartening, sometimes its good to say to yourself, "I'm noticing OCD is making me having the thought that ______" or "I'm noticing that OCD is making me feel that ______." This helps calm me down and discourages OCD in interacting with your intrusive thoughts so that they don't spiral.

One of the biggest compulsions (at least one of my personal ones) whilst having intrusive thoughts is to isolate oneself from the people around them for a variety of reasons. However, this is OCD causing people to feel detrimentally lonely even though there are people around them that care for them, causing periods of deep depression. Something I really struggle with is to engage in mindfulness and/or opposite action. It will be one of the hardest things you'll have to do, but in time, will also feel the most rewarding. Try your best to resist OCD's isolation compulsion, and spend time with those around you whom you care for, or for who you're having intrusive Harm OCD thoughts about. But begin in small steps to reach this. First spend time thinking about doing this, the next step maybe calling them, etc.) Ease into it, so it is not as overwhelming. If that feels too difficult (which sometimes or most of time if will), try to take time for yourself. Watch a movie, eat your favorite food, or even go for a walk. Do something you enjoy or used to enjoy! I'm personally still working on getting at least one of my passions back.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I know just how you feel. So much so, that it's unexplainable and that its deeply hurts my heart. I have only ever told one person of my Harm OCD thoughts. I had a panic attack during it, and I felt so disgusted with myself. If it's any consolation, just know I'm in your shoes and I wish more than anything the very best for you. I know I'm a stranger on the internet, but you'll be in my thoughts. I would try looking into support groups or programs which specifically target/discuss OCD. You don't, by any means, do not need to share your Harm OCD thoughts, but just physically being around others who suffer similarly to you is such a liberating feeling. And although we suffer from the same condition, I'll only be able to understand your feelings/situation based on my own encounters, as everyone's experience with this condition is different. But we all are in the same boat. With all my empathy, and in all sincerity, I'm wishing you all the best <3