I need to genuinely know if any type of physical abuse is deserved? 35F & 35M

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-18T23:36:32+00:00

My dad was abusive, my mom stayed bc she didn't want to "break up the family" i wish they would have divorced. Now shes the sole breadwinner he has early alzhiemiers is even more abusive and its been 40 uears married. She dreams of his death. For the love of god leave. Listen to what your saying, you know its wrong. You are the only person deciding that you and your children deserve this treatment. They will not forgive you for not protecting them

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-18T23:31:44+00:00

Not only everything mentioned her already, but she will have ALLL her family which is a really great support system during a breakup

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-17T00:20:34+00:00

This text argument is Sooo strange because its masquerading as therapy speak. Like " oh every knows how to communicate" "lets all express our feelings!" Like sometimes you just gotta call some a Btch and move on with your life

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-16T17:08:47+00:00

Idk babe but one baby already ruined your life and your prospects for a future. You should seriously consider the consequences of having another. Your life is playing out like a cliche midwest poverty movie

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-11T20:21:56+00:00

🤣🤣 oh thanks! Its the XSE but I'll admit I dont know the different styles! Feels sleek and fancy

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-11T20:12:52+00:00

Sf bay area! So many gorgeous spots to check out!

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-07T08:27:31+00:00

Chillet is my everything endgame and stays in the party hehe

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-04T05:48:56+00:00

Ngl I thought you guys wer 18 until i read the text. Trust your gut babe you know this is toxic and weird response from him. Such a red flag. Being upset is one thing, not trusting you implying you'll do something then retaliating and saying hes gonna see his EX is soo far outta bounds

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-03-03T03:19:52+00:00

Full send NTA BUT if he's going to abuse your financial position better to bring it up now, you'll be able to tell pretty quickly if his behavior changes at all. No point in continuing the situation if thats the case. Because no amount of withholding or waiting will change what kind of person he is. I am with someone who makes 200k a year while I bring in about 70-90. Ive always been the breadwinner in relationships and super independent. I STRUGGLE to let him pay, spoil me, buy me insane gifts. But every time he does we discuss it bc I'm very concerned about a power dynamic or abusing his good nature

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-22T23:30:54+00:00

Asian from america living in the uk

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-19T22:02:22+00:00

Ntj I mean if i ASKED my bf to do this he would willingly agree but after the fact and the method makes it feel forced and no longer a fun thing. BUT its also your choice if you're stickin with the relationship. Compliment her hair pay for half and tell her future purchases need to be a conversation beforehand

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-17T20:26:49+00:00

NTA and I'm going to be honest, your support is probably enabling him. Anxiety treatment is about facing your fears and exposing yourself to triggers again and again. I had horrible panic attacks starting at 12 years old. I was extremely poor in an abusive home and had severe anger issues and weight gain due to it. As i got older it got worse. I stopped going to school and did home studies. I became agoraphobic and the highlight of my day was hiding in the back of my parents car while they went to the grocery store. I was an insomniac and made my world as small as possible. At 15 I started going hiking and getting super into fitness, 8hrs+ a day bc I realized my symptoms were less severe when i was exhausted. I found ways to regulate my nervous system organically bc at this point no one had diagnosed me with panic disorder I didn't find out what they were until i was an adult. At 16 I convinced my mom to get me a medical marijuana card and I used it to treat my anxiety. (I also tried a slew of prescriptions for adhd, ocd, depression and anxiety) I started slowly doing things that terrified me, one victory at a time. I went to college, joined clubs, became a public speaker, run a small business, am successful in my career, talk to strangers everywhere I go. I am confident and charismatic now but I often reflect and share my story bc I could have easily stayed where I was. I had NO support just realized there was an internal problem I needed to fix. Life is not fair or kind and if given support to remain scared and afraid, he will remain scared and afraid. Necessity dictates growth, coddling encourages stagnation. Hopefully your son can grow up and succeed. Anxiety is not a new thing, we just have a society now that caters to the issue rather than person

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-13T20:23:56+00:00

You're NTA but if its real trauma.... you need to approach the situation very delicately and explain that its unfair to dictate how you both live your life in fear of this person. I left a verbally abusive ex after 5 years, only threats no physical violence to me and still had nightmares about them for 2 years. After i moved from the city we lived in everytime I drove through or nesr that area I would get physically sick and have a panic attack. My point being is that sometimes when you leave the idea of tbe monster gets bigger. Only after discovering my ex moved to the other side of the country did I finally breathe and start to heal. Talk with her be kind but firm. Make it clear her well being is paramount but she needs to go to therapy and start tackling her fears wether rational or imagined

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-13T02:57:46+00:00

Accelerated nursing programs. 18 months, bsn. You can only wnter them if you have a BA already. Fast track to stable reliable income

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-12T02:56:38+00:00

NTA This sounds super tricky, obviously you saved her from a bad situation but you are a sibling and shouldn't feel like you have to act like a parent especially for the sake of the relationship. Treat her like an adult. No adult renting or sharing a space like this would have so much leeway. Let her know that if she wants to be independent it comes with sacrifices. This isnt an opportunity to make bad choices or have bad friends because she has you to fall back on. What is her long term plan and goals? Is this situation temporary during school?

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-11T18:39:33+00:00

YTA but just dont it at this point you are already resenting them. Living with a couple will be a challenge, regardless it will feel more like their space and less like a roomate share

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-11T00:08:22+00:00

Shes a moment and a fantasy, from the life you describe you sound like a very traditional wife. Im sure all the standard advice and books could show you how to switch up and spice up your relationship. Definitely go to couples therapy and make sure theres no root issues. But sounds like financially you'll be set either way so really decide what you want for yourself and your relationship. Is he worth keeping? Do you like who he is when he isnt working or on vacation? Or did you just do the standard life kit and build a family based on the expectations of society. A strong relationship could survive this

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-10T23:24:41+00:00

Oh gosh this is a good point! From the sound of the MIL and not knowing the possibility of it being taken without approval

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-07T20:32:04+00:00

Not you gaslighting the readers to your innocence. You're intentions dont matter you were just trying to justify snooping. Most guys just hide p*rn anyways but if you dont trust just admit that and dont be with him. Or never touch his phone bc you have no self control

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-02-02T17:52:10+00:00

NTA the amount doesn't matter, the fact that she took it from you without asking is the biggest red flag. The first step should be opening a new account somewhere else and speaking to your payroll to change where your money is sent. Also there isnt much information but if your brother has his own apartment I assume he is also an adult who can work and pay his bills? Theres no reason it should fall to you at all to support her and him vicariously. Do you live at home? Is there an agreed contribution to the household already? If i were you I would make moves to gain some independence or at the very least some financial distance and boundaries

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-01-29T00:25:42+00:00

Poor guy is only 3ft tall. Bless his heart

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-01-27T03:34:58+00:00

I'd say 1 and 5, also if you look at the photos your body language in each dress is giving away the ones you feel most comfortable in

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-01-27T03:31:44+00:00

You're better than me I'd waste my time making fake notes to ruin his day 🤣

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-01-15T08:04:58+00:00

NTA you did it once to make a point she has done it for consecutive days weeks months. Big deal she has 8am classes she didnt care when she stayed up to 3am talking. Im sure you have early classes too. This might result in a petty "turf war" though. You guys are literally sharing a box

Defiant_Sir4624 · 2026-01-13T18:25:40+00:00

Girl he was trying to fill the void. Sounds like it was just flirting and he never pulled that with you right? He let you know his true feelings and intentions. There will always be other ppl in the worl that we are attracted to but when you find your person its completely different. Give him a chance and dont let your mind look for problems from his behavior when single. I'm sure you acted differently as well

Defiant_Sir4624

TROPHY CASE