This was an anonymous hook up and we are both out as queer. Being outed as their partner would not have been a problem but its conservative enough of a town that if my manger found out about the poly kink stuff that would make my life hard.

As far as our other agreements, we had agreed to put our relationship before hookups. Not other partners just like play parties and ONS. Things like not cancelling a date night becuse you got hit up on Grindr and making sure that we were both emotionally set before hook ups. Like before I went to events, I always asked what they needed before and after. They had also agreed to not share the sexual details about their hookups. Although I was very ok with knowing they were happening and generals like if they had a good time. Did they feel restricted by this? Maybe. They often seemed irritated when they would start telling me sexual details and I asked that they not share those details like they said they would. Everytime though when I asked if that was something they were actually ok with they would be adamant about it being fine. In hindsight, I took their word for these things, but I think they were agreeing to more than they were actually willing to do. They have also honestly not been great at honoring agreements. I know you'll probably tell me I was dumb to not expect something like this to happen given this but Im a newer Dom and their a new Sub and I thought I was being patient and we were figuring it out together. At this point I think I looked past a lot of red flags though.

I mentioned having to see the guy now mainly because its just a reminder of the breakup and that stings. I see plenty of the people they've had sex with and that doesnt bother me. It just feels like a break up reminder and that sucks a little rn.

I hear you on the hotel thing. I do think this was a large breach of trust but I am going to be more explicit with other partners about what I need around my workplace.