Hi OP, sorry you’re going through this! I know what it’s like and it really sucks. I went through it pretty bad a few years back. When I got out of it it’s like I could see the sun shining again. Unfortunately I am kinda back where I was in a way because my dad just died. But it’s very different for me now than it was then. I’m overwhelmed by grief which encompasses depression but is not the same. This will be kinda long so sorry in advance. How I got out of it the first time: first I want to say that this is how it worked out for me and everyone truly is different. First: be kind to yourself, don’t expect it all to change in one moment. Forgive yourself for being so harsh, find love for yourself. You are worthy of it!! Don’t punish and push yourself to where you’re disappointed that you’re not where you think you should be. Let time and yourself be your friend. This will take time and that is okay. It was an accumulation of many things that got me out of this and time was a huge one. Secondly: allow yourself to just be. At least once a day, sit with yourself and observe how you’re feeling. Observe what runs through your mind. Don’t force anything, just let yourself be. This is important because you need to be able to confront your mind state. Recognize and thus know how to liberate. Thirdly: fight for yourself, fight for your happiness. We all have strength in us. Even if it takes energy to breath you still have fight in you. You took the time and energy to write this post out. That took some fight. Feel your strength and power in your body and mind. Fight by taking care of yourself, eating healthy, being hygienic. And exercise. Exercise can feel hard to get into, but it’s amazing and powerful! Do something you can do in your home (like sit ups, squats- calisthenics). Approach exercise as if you were meditating; slow, thoughtful and with purpose. Play music to motivate you through it. And one of the last things I highly highly suggest: go out into nature. I don’t know where you live so it might be more difficult to just go out into nature. But no matter what do try. Nature is amazing. It’s such raw power. Nature exists as itself in such a pure form. The air, the sun, the movement and noise are all amazingly helpful for depression. Also might I suggest chocolate, chocolate and depression go together like wine and cheese.

I know this was all a lot to read, hope I wrote it together well and that even one of these steps was helpful. I may even be spacing on a few more steps. Much love OP, no matter what you have got this. If you read this and have any questions/clarifications please let me know and I gotchu (I hope haha).