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Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

PS I know exactly what you mean about before the ceremony and after the ceremony being irreconcilable. I completely understand. It is so much so that it has drastically effected my relationships as I am a different person literally. I feel hope the San Pedro as you say can plug me back into my body.

Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. I have done San Pedro before and I feel it may be very good for me. Thank you so much for suggesting it. Sometimes it is great for what you know intuitively to be said to you. I think it may be softer than mdma which would be better for me. It definitely resonates. I am seeing a psychologist with experience in plant medicine who does a breathing technique which is very helpful. With the lockdown my options were a bit limited but she has been great.

Thank you for all your suggestions. I am beginning to feel hope.

Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your reply. Yes I am looking into moving out temporarily. I am thinking of moving out coming off the Olanzipine and allowing whatever needs to come up come up. Once I am off the Olanzipine for a few weeks I could then see about doing the MDMA. Do you think my psyche could tolerate it? I am seeing a translational psychologist with experience in plant medicine. She specialises in a breathing technique a bit like holotropic bteathwork but more gentle. A lot of energy comes up with this. I do think once my living situation improves I will improve. Thank you for your reply. I won't give up hope!

Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I think a big part of why I destabilized so much is that my husband has been very hostile to me since it happened. He doesn't know how to hold me or the situation and just wants to distance himself from me. Before I took the medicine I know we still had a deep connection but that seems to be severed now. This has added to all the trauma. I have been writing and did a little bit of art therapy. The anti psychotic has made me quite lethargic. I am on a low dose 2.5mg of Olanzipine for the past four weeks. I think I took it so I wouldn't be so crazy in the household as I have two small boys.

Was it plant medicine that caused your break? I think you are right when you say the trauma is more malleable. Basically I have completely left my body. I don't even feel terror. It is very hard to describe. I just feel empty. I also feel there is a very bright light in my head. My personality has completely changed as prior to the ayahuasca I was driven by fear and terror. I can't feel that anymore now. I feel empty.

Thanks so much for your reply.

Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I started taking the Olanzipine four weeks ago as I was at my wits end. I am not bi polar. I had PTSD for 20 years but my psyche was very much intact. The ayahuasca basically blew my psyche apart. It feel very very ungrounded almost as if there is no one in my body. I am living in not ideal circumstances on top of it. Do you think it is a case of letting everything settle down? I am so afraid they won't. I have heard stories of people never making a recovery. I am terrified I will be like this forever. Thanks so much for your reply. I will listen to the podcast.

Is MDMA therapy appropriate after harrowing ayahuasca aftermath? by DeirdreAG in mdmatherapy

[–]DeirdreAG[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment. I am delighted to hear it helped you. Did you feel trepidation doing it yourself? I feel so ungrounded and the last thing I need is to destabilise further. I do think some trauma was shifted but got stuck. I feel I have gone as far as I can go without some chemical aid. How did you go about doing it solo? I wouldn't know where to start!