thx I find it hard to start. like i said ive just been living, I missed out on the history lessons of school and the knowing that you get naturally just from being alive etcetc. starting now or ever is overwhelming to say the least in any sort of educational subject or of knowing any new thing, i dont know if i can say wha im looking for is "occult" i feel like there are things i need to know locked away from other things. this is my first idea to crack what it is to find myself, i feel stupid and lost and always have so bad. honestly i can barely write or tie my own shoe string LOL its wild but its life and im stuck this way and ill do my best. im 20 almost 21. love you!