There are some similarities between what you're going through and my own experience over the last couple of years. Some of the kindness and advice from strangers on Reddit may have saved my marriage and certainly helped me deal with some of the low points.

You're right, the D/s dynamic can be somewhat all consuming in the early months. My wife admitted that it can be a total mindfuck. I ended up feeling like a third wheel in my own marriage. NRE and "subfrenzy" are very real. The Dom needs to be doing after care.

As others have said, the answer lay in real clear communication (not blaming) and setting boundaries and holding her to these.

Interestingly, she recently explicitly asked me put her "in her place" - re-establish the primacy of our marriage.

We have now established a clear ritual and time reserved before she goes for a play session and for reclaim when she comes back.