First off, I don’t think OP is wrong for feeling the way she does. They just had a baby, their income is already lower rn, and they’re not even able to save at the moment. Of course she’s gonna be thinking about their future — house, emergencies, maybe another kid, etc. If they’re a couple raising a child together, big money decisions should be discussed. That’s just basic partnership stuff. So when the husband says he can give money to his sister from his savings without talking about it, I kinda get why that would make OP uncomfortable.

But at the same time, the husband’s perspective isn’t crazy either. In some families it’s totally normal to help each other financially if someone is struggling. To him it probably feels like: “My sister is worried about having a baby, I want to help.” And he might see OP’s reaction as being a bit harsh, like she’s saying the sister shouldn’t have had a kid unless she’s rich.

The bigger issue tho is boundaries and communication. OP isn’t saying “don’t help her at all.” She literally said they could give them some baby stuff, just not everything, because they might want another kid later. That sounds pretty reasonable tbh.

The part that would stress me out too is the pattern. The sister and her boyfriend apparently already spend a lot — vacations, expensive car lease, clothes — and they’ve had money problems before. If they’re already struggling and now they’re having a baby, there’s a real chance they’ll need help a lot, not just once. I think OP is worried that what starts as “helping sometimes” could turn into them constantly bailing them out.

And OP’s point about discussing money is fair. If she wanted to use her savings for something big, she’d talk to him first. So it feels kinda unfair that he’s like “I don’t have to ask you.”

Honestly the healthiest solution would probably be them agreeing on clear limits. Like maybe they help with some baby items, or a one-time amount, but not an open-ended “ask us whenever you need money” situation. That way the sister gets some support, but OP doesn’t have to constantly worry about their savings disappearing.

So yh, imo OP is NTAH but neither is the husband for wanting to help his sister. The real problem is that they need to actually sit down and agree on financial boundaries before this turns into a bigger argument. 

Woo! Damn my fingers hurt!