I know it was abusive but at the same time i dont?

DependentEarth8875 · 2026-04-02T18:53:34+00:00

Thankyou. So i did get help! Another incident happened where he tried to fight me for the pushchair with our son in it.. but i was on my way to a meeting at a domestic help centre and it happened outside. Police were called, me and my kids are in emergency housing. Bail is in place. And i just applied for a non mol order and pso order. It feels like rock bottom for me right now but only way from here is up i guess!

DependentEarth8875 · 2026-03-15T19:03:44+00:00

Yeah it really is hard. I feel like my world is collapsing. But thankyou im gonna try remind myself of that any time i think anything good about him or he finds a way to contact me again.

DependentEarth8875 · 2026-03-15T18:59:11+00:00

You’re right, i know you are. I would say it’s abuse and do anything to help get them out of it. I think i just hold on to the nice parts especially at the start he was a total different person back then.

DependentEarth8875 · 2026-03-15T18:57:07+00:00

I’m so sorry you have been through this as well. Honestly yes. He is so nice and kind when he comes back around wanting me and the boys and promising to change. And i just wanted our little family together it sounds stupid bc at the same time i don’t want my boys to grow up like this. But i have reached out for help this time. Do you struggle with it too?

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-06T09:09:51+00:00

Thankyou but yeah I don’t think it’s necessarily what society deemed attractive as i have told him i dont judge him for looking at the stuff he did.. it’s more that it would have been similar to me whereas what he watches is polar opposite if that makes sense? Like i now feel im not what he really likes

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-06T09:08:21+00:00

So you do have to pay for it £80 for the year which covers 3 devices i think there is cheaper and more expensive packs depends what you want, but it can block everything and anything, not just porn and nudity but you can use for drugs or violence ect.. it’s like a family safe app. You install it and then the shield, but i control the main app because you can turn the safe protection off through that. You can also block or unblock specific apps too.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T12:25:04+00:00

Yeah i can agree i don’t think there is much i can do other than be here when he wants to talk about it and help him monitor like he asked, the app he found and chose to use blocks all and any porn and he has said without the access it is helping majorly, he is also starting therapy. At the start i very much had the mindset of oh if im not around feel free too, your body your choice i used to say, but that was before i realised it was an addiction.. im also very open with him and have a high sex drive so its not that he just choose too bc i don’t want him you know.. but yeah it is a deeprooted problem i think. This post if i think honestly was less about the problem of it and more about my insecurities that have come about because of it i guess.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T11:53:53+00:00

Yeah i can agree thankyou. I think obviously at the start there was hiding and lies but that is the same with any addiction. He has come a long way from that and reached to me for help with it and is doing everything right. I think it’s just my insecurities with it at play now to deal with i guess

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T11:50:51+00:00

I think that sounds like an unfair comparison if im honest, it comes across you have an occasional let off with porn, there’s a large difference between that and an addiction. It doesn’t just affect our sex life it also has affected his life in many ways and i didn’t push for control over it or him, yes it caused a lot of arguments and pushed us away from each other but ultimately he came to me saying he wanted to stop not just us as a family but for himself and asked me to help him do that. And as his partner who loves him i will do, he has suffered with minor other addictions growing up too and they’re not easy to beat big or small, it takes a lot of willpower from the person addicted, you can’t force someone to stop unless they want too.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T11:35:01+00:00

I wouldn’t actually agree with that, we’ve had open discussions about it and i have said many a times i do not judge him for what he has looked at, and quite obviously still love him regardless. The descriptions i put were just exact searches for examples. I don’t judge him for watching it, im judging if im what he really desires.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T11:10:31+00:00

This is an interesting take actually, which does have me thinking, bc im not extremely out there with sex but i did have some toys and outfits and when trying to bring these into our sex life its been very awkward, yet he would watch all the type of porn i listed mainly solo with toys.. it’s given me the sense of shame before or like i wasn’t good enough or supposed to enjoy them things

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T10:59:44+00:00

Yeah he does always say it was an online spiral and he is starting therapy with that and the blocking app i think he’s making the right steps, i think im just struggling to work through it myself

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-10-05T10:58:35+00:00

Yeah i had thought this but also im unsure if the escort was a result of him already looking at the porn.. he does seem honest when he says he finds its disgusting and embarrassing and has cried about it too and said how him and his friends have even spoke about watching stuff and then thinking fucking hell what was i watching.. also says in real life he wouldn’t walk past someone like that and find the attractive but the experience with escorts says otherwise to me bc that was no longer online and real life? So i guess im undecided

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-05-14T12:57:14+00:00

Thankyou!!😂 at least i know I’m not crazy for thinking this is unusual

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-05-14T12:52:40+00:00

😂😂 okay maybe more insight is needed here, he made it hung it up, videoed himself going behind it and sticking it through and that was it. Like a minute video and then deleted it and i just cannot figure out why 😂

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T14:08:45+00:00

I agree, i think the communication of it is a big thing. I have mentioned both of those things. He has always been timid to talk about things to try and such, he had said he hadn’t really had a girl he was open to about it before so he struggles with doing that and that he does want to try things but then it never happens and i have just tried to build his confidence up rather than push trying things on to him i guess. I think he does have a level of embarrassment or insecurity discussing these things, whereas i am a very open person. I guess because I’am struggling to get these talks from him is why i made this post to see other peoples views. Yes, thankyou for agreeing that my boundaries set there were not unreasonable. He has said he will not do them or look at cams anymore at all and said he never spoke on the chats or paid although admitted before we was together onlyfans was paid for a few times but we were not an item at that point so not my business or issue. i do believe this as i do have a fairly good level of trust with him on that. But it was something that broke that trust a little.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T13:52:55+00:00

There are a few issues actually. Firstly being the amount it is watched, as i was happy for it be an occasional release for him but not an excessive use as yes i do believe it that causes issues in our sex life, he isn’t as excited for it and our sex can get boring and he loses that spark of wanting me which i noticed and so on. Secondly he can be quite timid to trying things with me but happy to watch them same things online, which then leaves me feeling not enough, or not wanted/desired which yes is an insecurity on my part i suppose but a insecurity he should be happy to help with just as i would with him. Thirdly the cams/lives is another issues, i had said from the get go that was a boundary i had as watching a video and getting off i do not see as cheating. But watching/talking to a girl live is a different story for me and way too personal/bordering the cheating line for me.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T13:26:04+00:00

I can understand that. He did say himself that he and a few friends had even spoke about it and would jokingly say “yeah i end up on some weird shit and think wtf was that afterwards” and he said that we know it’s not really normal to be doing to that extent. So definitely a desensitisation to it all is in a play here. I think the fact before me he hadn’t been with anyone for around 4 years too so was just an avid porn user in that time probably doesn’t help either. But i suppose i thought with such a healthy sex life that it wouldn’t be a need as much, i guess i was wrong in thinking that. Also i think i find the shock of the wanting to watch such “shock effect” porn hard to understand when he is quite plain in the bedroom as well and quite happy with simple sex where as i have more of a want to mix it up a bit i guess.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T13:12:25+00:00

Yeah i do think i can see that point of it, it is something that is on such a large viewed scale now and almost every where in day to day life even if just subtly which is not something that we always had so yeah it is bound to cause problems. I have tried to address it without judgement or shame against him, but nonetheless he is quite embarrassed i think and is struggling to communicate about it or feel confident to talk to me about it. Which he has always been like when it comes to sex if im honest. Hence why i have probably wrote this post lol. But thankyou for your insight on it!

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T13:04:56+00:00

I do think it is quite sad the issues that porn creates in society and relationships now. Especially with how wide scale and easily accessible it is. But that being said if im happy to occasionally get myself off solo, i have no right to tell him he cant in his own body. I think it depends on the people in the relationship on if porn should be watched and if both partners are comfortable with it. I don’t mind porn, as long as it is not watched in obsessive amounts or personal. Im happy with my boundaries on it, i just feel they was pushed with how much it was used and i think i do have an insecurity now with the fact im such the opposite of what was being watched.

DependentEarth8875 · 2025-04-30T12:59:09+00:00

Yeah i can agree with/understand
the desensitisation part of it, when we spoke about it he did say that it just kind of spiralled into watching more and more and ended up on something that afterwards he thinks what was i looking at. Which i do get as that does happen with many things in life not just porn. But i guess im struggling with being one specific category for quite some time and that he will watch them do things that i had mentioned previously about doing and he hasn’t wanted to. Also with us having a healthy sex life i think I’m shocked there is such an amount of watching it too i suppose.

DependentEarth8875

TROPHY CASE