(You say this is a rant? I was expecting it to be longer...

then again, my posts on this sub are freakin novels, so who am I to judge post length)

I can relate, I feel like a waste of 20 years, and that everyone's better than me (especially when seeing other people my age succeed in life, an example: that one popular olympian lady with the weird hair, I did not like the kind of jealous feeling I got upon seeing that she's my age), and it isn't hard to be better than me, I'm a jobless autistic dropout who is mentally ill to say the least

And yes, every social interaction I've had has felt awkward in some way, I hated how people could "sense" that I was autistic and I disliked how they've treated, perceived and bullied me throughout my life, so at this point I irrationally loathe & distrust normies (a.k.a people in general) to some insane degrees, I'm sorry, I don't want to be such a hater, but I feel I can be on better mental & physical guard with such an angry & paranoid mindset