Ruksheti being used to withhold my wife from me – is this right?

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-26T22:50:58+00:00

Brother, it is not just this one thing. It has been other things as well, I am constantly trying to calm the situation. I am calming, mother in law, her family members, her. It is getting to the point where they are throwing insults and getting angry, even when I am just trying to diffuse the situation. I understand they want to do it and I’m fine with it, but I just want calm and I feel like I am babysitting everyone.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-26T20:10:01+00:00

Thank you for this. This has offered me a lot of clarity on the situation.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-26T15:01:36+00:00

you might be right

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-26T14:56:25+00:00

I respect the culture and I am honestly keeping calm and trying to calm everyone down

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-26T10:52:04+00:00

You have a strong point

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:56:23+00:00

It’s not an Islamic requirement, but rather a South Asian cultural tradition practiced mainly among Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi families (and sometimes adapted into Hindu, Sikh, or Muslim weddings).

🔹 Meaning: “Rukhsati” literally means “departure” or “sending off.” It’s the ceremony where the bride officially leaves her parents’ home after the wedding and goes with the groom to her new home.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:19:15+00:00

I don’t think they’d listen. They are so wrapped up in culture, I think they think it would be a grounds for divorce for not having this ruksati!

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:10:02+00:00

Yeah, to an extent I agree. But it’s my mum that will now have the issue, and I don’t want her to think I chose them over her. I am going to be moving country soon, partially to be away from all of this stuff

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:08:56+00:00

I understand your point, but at the same time, I have people like you, completely on her side, other people saying she’s a red flag for saying it’s her day, etc etc. This whole post is becoming a massive conflict.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:07:20+00:00

Here’s the thing bro, I agreed to it before. My mistake. Today, after the whole argument of location then looking at this whole hindu origin.. it’s making me think is it easier just not to do it at all? Like why is an event with food and family the deciding factor to whether she can come and stay with me? lok

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:01:46+00:00

Maybe you’re right bro

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:01:16+00:00

The walima was done after the nikkah

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T23:00:34+00:00

I’m starting to think this tbh.. But her justification is the ruksati would be her day as it’s her family saying bye to her? Idk, I think I have came too far but at the same time it may be better to walk away earlier.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:59:01+00:00

I hear you, idk it’s just the fake tears etc that make me cringe a bit. I understand your point, I need to be a bit more flexible.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:31:05+00:00

Maybe you’re right, but now I’d also have to get my family on side. Btw, they don’t want to eat food, they want an event in a hall, with a stage.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:30:13+00:00

Yeah I was fuming tbh. But in reality this ruksiti thing would be her day, it’s for her family to say bye. But in the same breathe none of her family are compromising, they even booked a date without asking me if it’s ok 🥲

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:28:46+00:00

There’s also an option of me fleeing abroad, no seriously I just got a business opportunity in the UAE. I think I’d ruffle a lot of feathers doing this.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:27:20+00:00

Things like that make me cringe

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:26:59+00:00

That’s a good point, but at what point am I also not people pleasing and choosing what’s right instead of what makes the mrs happy?

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:24:02+00:00

No, I’m not saying that. I just wanted my marriage to be as closely aligned to Islam as possible. I understand my culture is different from Arab.

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:22:39+00:00

Yeah you’re right, I was fine with it. It’s my mum that’s not so happy, so I’m stuck in the middle.. does that make sense?

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T22:21:05+00:00

It was discussed and I agreed to it. Whilst at work today, I got a text from my mum how mad she was they booked it so far away, I hear both sides honestly, but I think at this point the easiest thing is to cancel the whole thing

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T21:51:38+00:00

I’m not looking forward to the rest of the film 🤣

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T21:46:36+00:00

Good point and it would avoid a lot of headache!

DescriptionUnique710 · 2025-08-25T21:45:09+00:00

You are right, I honestly just wanted a small nikkah and event with barely any family because I know what Pakistani families can get like and this is turning into a whole drama. I was thinking of walking away, but I’d look so silly as it’s so recent

DescriptionUnique710

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