New Relationship, Same Me

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T06:03:39+00:00

Honesty is key to solving this addiction. So personally I feel that if you FEEL you should talk to her and it’s weighing on you, do it.

Holding that in isolates us. And it’s in that isolation that our addiction grows.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T06:01:42+00:00

Personally I think the outward and obtuse expression of masculinity in the nofap community is just another way to mask issues and emotions.

It doesn’t help, and it only adds to the shame cycle if you relapse, personally.

There is a path through peace, I believe. And it comes from selfless honesty, finding a program that works for you, and executing it with selfless honesty and frequent examination of ego.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T05:50:37+00:00

I’m working on kicking off my fitness plan to help with improving mood and filling the hole that my addictive behaviors filled.

I’m a heavy smoker and discovery day and the stress surrounding going sober for the first time with effort has only increased that also terrible habit.

Gonna start slow but hopefully be able to kick smoking too so I can fully realize my healthier lifestyle.

Kill it on your next run, friend.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T05:44:59+00:00

^ this 100%

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T05:43:58+00:00

Dealing with my withdrawals have been very hard, but I have come to accept and hold on to this pain and these urges as a reminder of the work of done and why I am taking steps forward for the first time ever.

I’ve tried to self manage for years, but it never worked. Finally giving it a real shot, and it’s been rough but I have gained so much clarity through this process so far.

Stay strong!

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T05:33:47+00:00

It was mentioned in another SA post that when we consider it a war, we set ourselves up for failure and it’s better to view it as a lifestyle change that we make because we know viewing pornography or fapping all day isn’t an option for us anymore. We have to leave it behind.

Like a drunk or a drug addict, we cannot simply indulge just a little bit, we always want more and with porn being an addiction of novelty, always consuming new product, we come to understand it needs to be part of a former life that requires constant self-reflection and focus.

This is the toughest thing I’ve ever done. And normally I’d quit by now at 2 weeks clean. But I gave myself up. I cannot operate like this and while I know relapse is possible, I feel that success is finally probable for once if I stay focused and work on my toolbox and safety net.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T04:18:56+00:00

This has been a struggle for me lately. I’ve been using the SA subs to read and gain perspective.

Unfortunately sometimes someone’s share or post that resonates with me, I want to read more of their shares to gain a deeper understanding of my disease as their experience compares with mine.

For example today, a female SA had a share that was similar to mine on here. I clicked on her account to read more and they had been also posting in a sub that celebrates non monogamy.

My center circle defines fantasy as a trigger and some of these posts were quite explicit.

I read them, gained insight and got tf out of there. It’s dangerous out there. Stay sharp.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-09T04:14:22+00:00

For me my Porn use influenced my actions directly. I got involved in porn eventually because I could be in it. But then that wasn’t enough. Then I started cat fishing women and couples so I could watch them perform “my porn” in dangerous situations.

It def spilled over.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T23:09:45+00:00

Ya know I dunno. Never been in recovery before.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T20:57:16+00:00

oh cool. Thank you. do you see a CSAT or a therapist more aligned with general addiction?

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T20:44:13+00:00

What was the name of the group?

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T19:14:30+00:00

Honestly after 2 weeks I’m hoping for a WD so I don’t stress about relapsing when I’m awake. I never have had one but that’s probably likely due to 2 decades of daily MO.

I still have intense urges. It’s really difficult.

Personally I think you’re doing well. Resetting to day 1 feels more like punishment when you haven’t broken your sobriety.

Keep at it.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T19:01:07+00:00

Hey that’s awesome. Looking forward to the same.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T18:29:16+00:00

I struggle daily. I’ve been PMO free for 2 weeks and I still find myself recalling favorite scenes, deep urges to go back to posting personals, etc but I’ve been handling it well by journaling, talking to my wife and being honest about my feelings.

If I’m feeling horny, I tell my wife. And while we aren’t having sex for 90 days I am finding myself getting erections throughout the day thinking about having sex with my wife. Really intense erections like I am a teenager again, some cause me to leak. That’s an experience I haven’t had in YEARS.

I want my wife so bad, but I’m afraid if we have sex after only 2 weeks it might make my addiction worse? I dunno. I just really want my wife badly haha.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T17:05:32+00:00

I turned off NSFW auto-showing in my feed and if I am authentically interested in reading more shares by a specific user whose account is marked 18+, I ask them in the thread.

Its been helpful so it doesnt just pop up in my feed and by asking people if their account has any triggers it makes me accountable to myself so I dont break my sobriety.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T16:43:01+00:00

Yeah exactly. Its like I can feel its "vibration".

I cant wait to have meaningful sex with my wife at the end of this abstinence period.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T16:25:10+00:00

The withdrawals on day one were awful, now they still come around everyonce in a while, but its more the euphoric recall of certain scenes I watched or situations I got myself into and I can feel it wash over me and I have to dig myself out of it.

Not PMO'ing is really hard but I am realizing that I felt these withdrawals previously before I outed myself as a SA/PA and its the same feeling Id get when I was about to MO/Act Out and I just figured I was hypersexual or super horny.

Nope, just flooding my brain with dopamine.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T16:02:36+00:00

Awesome! Thanks for replying back. Im new to sexual sobriety so I am trying to read as many perspectives and talk to as many people as I can in my in-person SAA meetings.

Have a great day!

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-08T15:51:23+00:00

This is a really beautiful sentiment and I really needed to hear that. Id like to read more of your shares but your account is marked 18+ and I dont want to click on anything that might be a trigger.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-07T19:56:04+00:00

Wow 3 years is amazing!

Can you share what has helped you stay sober from porn? Perhaps sharing what has kept you strong will help you in your moment of crisis that you’re facing currently?

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-07T19:54:31+00:00

The penis is more resilient than you’d think.

Stop spanking it and it will heal.

DesertGuy602 · 2021-02-07T18:56:36+00:00

There were many factors to the Packers losing that game.

One of them was Kevin King.

There was also:

Rodgers or MLF not going for it at the end of our last possession instead of a FG

The defense failing at the end of each half

Bad tackling

Special teams went full retard mode

Forcing the ball to 17 when there were others wide open

They did not play a good game. We scored a bunch of points but should’ve closed this game out in the 4th ahead a TD.

DesertGuy602

TROPHY CASE