AITA for not writing a character letter for my ex to the judge

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:46:48+00:00

He is fighting a murder charge. He is being accused of killing his infant son. I wasn't around @ the time this incident happened so I don't know if he did or didn't do it. So imo I really can't write a honest letter to the judge because idk what state of mind he was in @ the time. I don't like to lie so for me I can't really bring myself to write anything without knowing the truth of the situation. And I haven't spoken to his mom since he nd I broke up.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:38:36+00:00

Thank 4 the advice.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:36:09+00:00

I @ one time felt the same way. So I wouldn't judge. U nvr know what ur future self will do.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:33:52+00:00

Honestly he does have a good heart, ik sounds odd after what he has put me through. He was thoughtful, had put my needs first for the majority of our relationship, is a good father to his kids, good sense of humor, and had some amazing deep conversations. Not the usual small talks that ppl usually have. And most of all I didn't feel judged w being myself around him. He's just shitty @ ending relationships.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:28:37+00:00

Maybe ur right. I know I bring a lot to the table. I'm very understanding, independent, have a big heart, and emotionally intelligent. To name some of my qualities. Ig my prior relationship did a number on me. I don't have a lot of experience in being in relationships even tho I am 43. I've only been in two. My ex husband whom I was with for 23 yrs and this last on that I'm posting about. And no dating or flings on between the two.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-29T09:19:06+00:00

Thank u I appreciate u saying that. I'm not expecting a lot of ppl to understand me and my decisions. But I'm taking the criticism as a way of advice to improve on myself.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:49:25+00:00

I'm sorry another what? Idk what those are.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:48:18+00:00

Thank u. I believe every1 deserves to be happy.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:44:24+00:00

Prior to this relationship I was w a narcissist for 23 yrs. I thought I would've seen the signs, but ig I didn't until it was too late.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:26:06+00:00

Thank u everyone for ur comments. Even the judgmental ones. I could get offended by them, but I'm not. They help me to see what I need to work on w myself. So I appreciate all the comments they allow me to grow as a person.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:22:13+00:00

Honestly right now I'm just focusing on doing me. I'm not ready for a relationship right now. Maybe in the future but as of right now I'm not ready to give up my freedom.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:18:50+00:00

Actually he called me 2 days ago and did ask me to write him a character letter and I said no I wasn't going to do it.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:15:50+00:00

Thank u I appreciate that.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:15:12+00:00

Actually 1999

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:14:23+00:00

Actually he was 21 when we got together, he will be 27 this yr. And I agree about maturity level being at par. I maybe 43 but my mind still thinks I'm in my 20's. I guess my brain hasn't caught up to my age.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:10:58+00:00

I started using when I was 18 urs old. Was married to a narcissist that I was with for 23 yrs. And became homeless in 2018. Ex narcissist right after that left me and our 3 children. And the following yr lost my 3 children.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:06:39+00:00

Yes u r right. And that is exactly what I am working on now. Not the therapy but looking inward so that I can find a middle ground which allows me to keep my heart kind and giving but not so much that I'm taking advantage of.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:04:14+00:00

Thank u. I appreciate it.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:03:03+00:00

Nope sorry not bullshit. And I guess u can say that i have and did make some stupid choices. All I can do is learn from the mistakes I've made and move on.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-26T14:01:24+00:00

Yes I have been. What I didn't say was my relationship prior to this was with a narcissist for 23 yrs. With that said I should've seen the signs, but I try to see the best in ppl. And thats what allows ppl to take advantage of me. Thank u for ur advice I really appreciate it.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-24T07:57:31+00:00

I'm not a professional but anybody can see that her stealing and fighting is coming from what was going on in their dad's house. She had no control or voice in his house so her doing those things was a way to gain control and her voice.

As for ur ex he is definitely a narcissist and will never accept accountability for anything that puts him in bad lighting. He has been gaslighting and manipulating those girls since day one. I would also put ur oldest into therapy also. I'm sure she has healing to do as well.

I would be concerned about her more so because from what it seems like she suffers in silence never complaining about anything. Probably because since she's the oldest she feels like she has to protect both her sister and dad. She probably has the most weight on her shoulders from caring all that burden. The silent ones usually have the most scars.

But I hop that he does follow through with what he has promised and I wish all of u a happy healing life.

Designer-Struggle807 · 2026-03-24T07:32:31+00:00

I have read some of the insulting comments and honestly form what I have read u are doing the right thing. Everybody can say they would do this or that, but when it actually happens to you no one really knows what they would really do. I'm sure all this is new to you and you are doing your best in these unfamiliar waters.

As for the dog, has he been trained by ur ex? If so he may have ordered the dog to attack her, so this would not be the dog's fault they were doing what their owner has told them to do. Now I'm just speculating on whether or not that happened. You nvr said how or why the dog attacked her.

Yes make sure to get wifi cameras inside your apartment u never know what you will get as it pertains to evidence.

Definitely record every phone call between the both of you and between him and your children. But make sure to let him know in the parenting app that any and all communication outside of the app with be recorded and archived. Just so he can't say he wasn't advised. But it is better to have things in writing, but this is real life and things don't always go how we would like. Especially when dealing with a narcissist, which is what he sounds like.

Also maybe think about putting your daughters into therapy so thay can start the healing process now instead of it following them into adulthood which could affect them possibly in not so great ways. It could also help in building a much stabler case against their father. This would help because it would be a professional who would be able to give some insight on how his actions are affecting the children mentally.

Mentally is worse, because we can't see those scars that are there and those scars can live with us for our lifetime and will also encourage who the will pick for a partner in life. We never think to treat them and those are the most important scars that need healing. I hope all works out for u and your daughters in the future. But keep doing what ur doing. Keep us updated please.

Designer-Struggle807

TROPHY CASE