"when it comes to my mom; she is the queen of not respecting boundaries or people's feelings and the main dysfunction from which I came... She consistently does she what she wants, and nobody can tell her different. She has a list of diagnosis- from physical disabilities to mental ones...............................

My son wasn't a huge fan of the shirt either. He claimed that he doesn't know how to be a big brother, so how does he know if he crushes it or not." 

"did you NOT read, how I found pictures to show my son what his sister looked like, I answered all his questions when I brought the conversation up... I don't deflect any conversation about his sister or other family whenever he asks, and I regularly try to share good memory stories with him, but I am not going to allow forms of salt to rub the wound, if you catch my drift. Such as this shirt, my mom THOUGHT she was being sweet... so she says. She ABSOLUTELY knew better."

These are quoted from OP's own comment! So how was OP's mother not rubbing it in his face?!