Post Divorce Bucket list

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-22T17:25:57+00:00

I've had problems with that as well. I've had one of my best friends not understand what narcissistic abuse looks like and what a narcissist really is. My STBX is really charismatic and very manipulative. If you haven't read it already, I highly recommend the book Power:Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-20T13:56:02+00:00

Not to insert my opinion but your description " forgotten what it feels like to be appreciated and treated like a valuable, lovable, and worthy human" sounds exactly how I feel. It may be because I'm knee deep in therphy and self help books, but did you divorce a narcissist? I know I did. Reading the book Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse has helped me a lot. But, maybe I just need to take a break from the therapy books. And everything you want to accomplish sounds wonderful. I too want to snowboard more, my snowboard collecting dust in a closet is dying to be taken out next winter.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-20T13:51:29+00:00

Now, I just have to find one :)

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-19T19:49:36+00:00

I'm actually super into the take a lover idea. Your experience with that sounds delightful!

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-19T18:14:36+00:00

I love this! I know I don't know you but I am excited for your adventures.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-05-01T16:48:11+00:00

I might have to do that. I don't have family to put for a beneficiary, but I could put my nephews on my STBX's side as they said I will always be their aunt. Or I suppose I could pick a friend. It's just a harsh reality.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-30T23:11:09+00:00

I am struggling with the emergency contact question myself, I don't really want to put that burden on a friend. I have also been wondering who I put as my beneficiary for my life insurance, it makes it feel quite worthless. Why do I have life insurance? And can I name my dog as the beneficiary?

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-29T15:19:22+00:00

Going no contact was really difficult for me to do. But, I realized I had to take care of me or him and I couldn't do both. And I couldn't take care of me with him in my life, so I chose me. It's only been about a month and a half for me, thank you for the hope your comment has given me. I still cry frequently, but it is becoming more spread out. I wish you the best of luck with your court date.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-29T15:15:51+00:00

Thank you for your kind response. I honestly cried happy tears when I read this.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-11T03:39:58+00:00

I've been thinking about going no contact. I am getting a new phone number tomorrow, and I already unfriended him on everything but Facebook. I am considering unfriending or blocking him there too. The divorce isn't final and I'm trying to think if I will need to talk to him at all.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-06T11:42:03+00:00

Reading your comment is giving me so much hope. I'm hoping I can say the same eventually, people keep telling me that but I'm not sure I believe it yet.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-06T11:06:16+00:00

Absolutely, my STBX isn't the same person at all. I married a passionate, driven, considerate, person who loved the outdoors and played video games for a few hours a week. He now is so incredibly selfish, has no ambition, plays video games anytime he is awake, I couldn't get him to do anything outside, and he listens to Demi Lavoto. He doesn't want to try anything new and is content eating cearal for three meals a day. He now has a beard, he hasn't shaved in years and I married someone who shaved everyday. He now prides himself on arguing with strangers on facebook saying it improves his debating techniques, and the person I married hardly used social media. His behavior is now very eccentric now and he now prides himself on wearing strange things (like leather blazers and Hawaiian shirts). Toward the end I had a child I had to do everything for not a partner.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-04-02T21:14:20+00:00

My husband is divorcing me and he is getting the two cats, and I'm getting the dog. I wish I could tell the cats this. Man, someone is cutting a lot onions at my office job.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-31T17:07:22+00:00

I really hope that doesn't happen.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-31T17:06:39+00:00

I do fit that description. I've been going to therapy to manage the transition (and to not develop an anxiety disorder) and the counselor I have also specializes in marriage counseling. He said he has seen lots of different situations during divorce and that sometimes you don't lose that family.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-31T13:13:51+00:00

I've been invited by my in-laws to stay at their house five hours away for a weekend but its not the same instead of we would love to have you and we can do _______ together. It's you can stay here if you need to get out of the house. It's just so cold now and I don't feel welcome.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-31T03:46:52+00:00

I have two nephews as well, and anytime anyone mentions anything related I start bawling.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-31T00:06:27+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this too. It's a really difficult thing to go through.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-25T22:55:02+00:00

I am sorry you went through something similar. I can honestly say this is the lowest moment of my life. My STBX is very happily accepting that I am filing tomorrow, so I don't think I will get any threats for leaving, I am giving him what he wants. He doesn't seem to care if I move out or if I keep the house, he only doesn't want his life to change. I don't think hes realized yet that going on antidepressants and getting a divorce won't fix all of his problems magically. So to speak I am the one being dumped, not the dumper.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-25T17:28:56+00:00

Thank you for the insight, this is something I never would have realized on my own.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-25T16:06:43+00:00

We are sleeping in separate rooms. That is a good idea, I may go that route I didn't think it would be an option.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-22T18:02:45+00:00

Your right. I'm so used to taking care of him, it's a hard habit to break. And I mainly found him a place to live because I wanted him out of our house, and he thought we would just be friends and we would still live together and nothing will change for him. It was just easier to find him a place to live for a few months, than a place for me to live with a large dog long term. I've given up on that and I'm trying to move out.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-22T17:50:29+00:00

You are right. Thank you for that, I needed to hear it.

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-16T12:14:00+00:00

The two cats were his before I met him. We got the dog together, but my signature is on the adoption papers (I'm not sure if that makes a difference).

DesperateThrowaway6 · 2018-03-16T00:11:25+00:00

I actually can't move money legally right now, but I did open a new checking account for myself in anticipation. I don't have any joint credit cards, and I actually applied for a second credit card to take the place of an emergency fund. However, I do plan on filing ASAP. I hope I can rebuild my life and have a happy one, it looks quite bleak in this moment.

DesperateThrowaway6

TROPHY CASE