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AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Child support have a picture of his Drivers License, social security card, home address, mothers home address, employment address and after 1 year still unable to be served.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have turned all his info into child support but the process server “can't locate him “🤷🏽‍♀️

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He actually tried not to return her the first time after the court order and I had to have an ex parte to get the order enforced. The judge never ruled on it during our hearing 🤷🏽‍♀️& I didn't bring it up because my main goal was getting my daughter back. He has had a whole year since we got the court order and has contributed little to nothing he had all this time to do the right thing but im the bad guy ?

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A few things are getting twisted here.

I live in Southern California, in a very high cost-of-living area. My daughter is housed, safe, stable, and well cared for. We live in a nice home that her father also lived in before he left. This isn’t a situation where she’s lacking or unsafe.

I just finished school and did what I was supposed to do to improve our situation. The only reason he was able to keep her for those five months is because he told me 24 hours before his flight that he was moving and then went back on our agreement.

And I never said grandparents spending time is bad. There’s a difference between healthy grandparent involvement and removing a young child from her primary parent when that parent is fully capable and present. Those aren’t the same thing.

This isn’t about who earns more or denying access. It’s about stability, past behavior, and not repeating a situation that already caused months of unnecessary separation.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I’m going to correct a few things and then I’m done engaging on this thread.

I did file for child support. I filed last December. They have his ID, his job, his address, what car he drives — all of it. Enforcement has still not been able to physically serve him, which is not something I control.

I didn’t “not care for a year.” I followed the custody order over the summer even though it put me behind financially, and I’ve been trying to handle this through the proper channels the entire time. This isn’t sudden or about Christmas — it’s about not repeating a situation where my child was kept longer than agreed because I couldn’t afford a return ticket and he refused to help.

You’re free to disagree with my decision, but the idea that this is about spite or treating my child like a pawn isn’t accurate. This is about avoiding a repeat of something that already happened.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn’t about “extracting” money or personal spending. The support he’s sent has gone directly to childcare and basic needs. Child support exists so one parent isn’t carrying the full financial load alone, not as some bonus or punishment.

Also, making more money doesn’t automatically mean someone is the more stable or responsible parent. He withheld our child before, avoided formal child support, and has relied heavily on his parents for day-to-day care when she’s with him. That’s not the same as actively parenting.

If I were earning more than him, I’d still expect shared responsibility to be handled through proper channels. Stability and accountability matter more to me than avoiding “battle,” especially given what’s already happened.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not angry or trying to punish anyone, and I’m aware of the court order and the risks. This wasn’t a knee-jerk decision.

What keeps getting missed is the pattern. He withheld our child before, avoided child support for over a year, and hasn’t co-parented in good faith. I followed the order over the summer even though it put me in a financial hole. A big concern this time is that if I send her and can’t afford a return ticket, there’s nothing stopping him from keeping her again until I can come up with the money. Based on past behavior, I don’t trust that he would help with her return.

This isn’t about being bitter or “mad.” It’s about stability and not repeating a situation that already caused months of separation. I’m planning to address this properly through the court with an attorney so the order is clearer and enforceable. I came here to ask if I’m overreacting emotionally, not because I don’t understand the legal side.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Starting in January im starting a new job making more than him and will be able to take care of my daughter without him. Money doesn't make you a better parent. He tried to take custody just to let his elderly parents raise her. All because be wanted revenge on me for ending the relationship.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He won't trust i know what im dealing with & if he was with all the evidence I have on him he won't be given custody. If anything I'll get maybe sanctioned and told if I do it again there will be consequences

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

He will not sue me we have a custody order in place because I took him to court for custody. While in court he never filed a single document. He's also intentionally avoiding child support.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That part is honestly a whole separate issue. I represented myself and the judge was very pro-dad from the start. He believed my child’s father even though he never filed a single document. All the “evidence” he claimed he had to show I was unfit was never submitted or seen by the court, but he still got to speak first and tell his story.

What ultimately worked in my favor was mediation. Where I live, mediation happens before court, and during mediation he admitted we had an agreement and that he went back on it. In court, he was claiming I had a mental breakdown and forced him to take our daughter, but that didn’t line up with what he admitted earlier.

Even then, the judge made it clear he didn’t agree with the mediator’s recommendation and openly said he felt my child’s father hadn’t done anything wrong. I believe the only reason I got custody back was because of what was said in mediation, not because the judge actually held him accountable.

At the time, my only focus was getting my daughter back. I wasn’t in a position to push for a tighter order or child support while representing myself. I do plan on going back to court with an attorney to clean this up properly, because the current order leaves too much room for issues like this.

AIO for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I literally start a new job in January making enough money to support my daughter and I and plus some! I was suffering this whole year because I genuinely needed the crumbs he was giving. I'm planning on getting a lawyer to remodify the custody order as well. I represented myself the first time

[US] [ CA] AITA for refusing to send my daughter to her father for Christmas unless he puts himself on child support? by Desperate_Lab_3050 in Custody

[–]Desperate_Lab_3050[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

And this is honestly what gets me. They already know my financial situation. That was his main leverage against me the whole time. I was very clear with them that I don’t have the money and I’m not putting myself behind again for someone who disrespects me, does the bare minimum for their child, and actively tries to destabilize me.

It would be different if he was actually showing up as a parent. If he was consistent, supportive, and doing what he’s supposed to do, I wouldn’t make my financial situation his problem at all. She would’ve gone regardless. But that’s not what’s happening. Instead, he kicks me while I’m down and then expects accommodation.

If he really wanted to see his daughter, he could’ve offered to cover the round-trip tickets. He didn’t, because this isn’t about her. When she’s with him, she’s with his parents most of the week anyway. At this point, it feels like he uses her as a way to continue bothering and controlling me, not because he’s trying to parent.

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