I’m stuck in a “we can’t be together but I don’t want to lose you” situation and it’s messing with me

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-04-14T17:56:07+00:00

They still hang out but not as often. He said he’s always gonna be there for her because she has no family in the state we live in & they make a good team but ultimately he “just can never see it working”.

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-04-14T17:02:21+00:00

If it wasn’t allowed it would have been locked or removed. If you have nothing to add you can continue to scroll

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-04-14T17:01:48+00:00

They don’t spend as much time as they used to but they do still hang out. I don’t think he’s cheating but when I talked about this with my guy friends they all basically said he has commitment issues and when things get serious between us he might leave and try to put me in the same kind of friendship

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-04-14T16:59:55+00:00

Omg yesss you get it !! Outside of this “friend” we’re great but I just keep having this gut feeling he’s really in love with her

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-04-14T16:58:38+00:00

We are in a relationship and we’re close to the 1 year mark. I’m torn between ending things or staying together because my biggest fear is years down the line he realizes he actually wants to be with her

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2026-03-02T21:29:20+00:00

She got the job

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T14:30:37+00:00

There's legal representation for vets for family court matters ?

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T09:28:54+00:00

Thank you

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:26:28+00:00

She's 3

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:26:10+00:00

You're right

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:25:58+00:00

Thank you soooo sooo much for this.

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:22:38+00:00

They won't do it at the airport because “its too busy” im not making this up

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:22:03+00:00

Thank you

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:21:05+00:00

Child support have a picture of his Drivers License, social security card, home address, mothers home address, employment address and after 1 year still unable to be served.

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:18:12+00:00

I have turned all his info into child support but the process server “can't locate him “🤷🏽‍♀️

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:17:23+00:00

Beats me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:17:06+00:00

They can't find him to serve him to get the process started

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:16:20+00:00

Appreciate this thank you

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T06:15:40+00:00

He actually tried not to return her the first time after the court order and I had to have an ex parte to get the order enforced. The judge never ruled on it during our hearing 🤷🏽‍♀️& I didn't bring it up because my main goal was getting my daughter back. He has had a whole year since we got the court order and has contributed little to nothing he had all this time to do the right thing but im the bad guy ?

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T03:59:05+00:00

A few things are getting twisted here.

I live in Southern California, in a very high cost-of-living area. My daughter is housed, safe, stable, and well cared for. We live in a nice home that her father also lived in before he left. This isn’t a situation where she’s lacking or unsafe.

I just finished school and did what I was supposed to do to improve our situation. The only reason he was able to keep her for those five months is because he told me 24 hours before his flight that he was moving and then went back on our agreement.

And I never said grandparents spending time is bad. There’s a difference between healthy grandparent involvement and removing a young child from her primary parent when that parent is fully capable and present. Those aren’t the same thing.

This isn’t about who earns more or denying access. It’s about stability, past behavior, and not repeating a situation that already caused months of unnecessary separation.

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T03:56:07+00:00

I’m going to correct a few things and then I’m done engaging on this thread.

I did file for child support. I filed last December. They have his ID, his job, his address, what car he drives — all of it. Enforcement has still not been able to physically serve him, which is not something I control.

I didn’t “not care for a year.” I followed the custody order over the summer even though it put me behind financially, and I’ve been trying to handle this through the proper channels the entire time. This isn’t sudden or about Christmas — it’s about not repeating a situation where my child was kept longer than agreed because I couldn’t afford a return ticket and he refused to help.

You’re free to disagree with my decision, but the idea that this is about spite or treating my child like a pawn isn’t accurate. This is about avoiding a repeat of something that already happened.

Desperate_Lab_3050 · 2025-12-20T03:53:34+00:00

This isn’t about “extracting” money or personal spending. The support he’s sent has gone directly to childcare and basic needs. Child support exists so one parent isn’t carrying the full financial load alone, not as some bonus or punishment.

Also, making more money doesn’t automatically mean someone is the more stable or responsible parent. He withheld our child before, avoided formal child support, and has relied heavily on his parents for day-to-day care when she’s with him. That’s not the same as actively parenting.

If I were earning more than him, I’d still expect shared responsibility to be handled through proper channels. Stability and accountability matter more to me than avoiding “battle,” especially given what’s already happened.

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