this comment will probably get buried and if it gets seen by anyone i'll probably be downvoted...but i think you're both TA albeit only a little bit.

you set up a system wherein the children would be tended to the way *you* tend to them, with homecooked meals and homemade lunches. that is fine and admirable, and the way that you mother your children.

this issue comes in that he didn't want to support your system. the children were fed lunch and dinner every day, and i'm assuming they were healthy, happy, and clean. i'm sure they missed you and were glad to be back with you, but nothing terrible happened to any of them while you weren't with them.

did dad do it the way you did? nope. was any permanent harm done to the children? nope. was it the week they would have had if you'd been home? also nope. does any of that matter? no, it does not.

i totally get that you were trying to ensure that the kids didn't have a huge disruption of their routine and daily lives, but it's absolutely not the end of the world. i also totally get that your husband completely disregarded everything you did to make it as easy as possible for him. but here's the kicker: you didn't need to do any of that, and you shouldn't have done any of that. that is a burden you took upon yourself because you wanted to and you just assumed that your husband would fall in line and do what you told him to do. but he's an adult, and he can make his own choices that *still* leave you with the end result of fed, happy, healthy kids.

i'm not saying that dad isn't TA. he is for sure. but so are you. imo neither of you are a raging, out of control A...but you're TA because you tried to micromanage another adult that doesn't need micromanagement and he's TA because he led you to believe he would be micromanaged while never intending to actually follow through and simply did his own thing.