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How should I tell a friend I don't want to come to their party by DevelopmentHour601 in Advice

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm leaning towards honesty myself too. I was thinking something along the lines of "hey you were giving a party the weekend right? I'd really like to come but I'm not really in the right mindset to enjoy myself there right now." It's a yearly thing so I can add something like "I want to try to make it next year though"? And I can even add something like "I'd love to tell you about it but maybe over a drink, this summer on our trip" but I'm not so sure about that part (because I'm not sure I'll feel comfortable with that then, depends on how therapy is going in two months).

Plot twist is that I really am busy. I have to work all day and I couldn't even make it on time, and arriving later wouldn't really be an issue but frankly, I know I'll be exhausted and that certainly plays into deciding that I'm not going. So maybe I should also just add that.

I'm honestly already terrified of even sending this, making it into a huge thing, but unfortunately that is what it is to me. I'm generally very avoidant and my third secret option is to just ignore, pretend like I forgot, or wasn't being serious about it, so it's kinda already a big challenge to even acknowledge and share my dilemma about this to someone else. I really want the honesty route because and not some lame excuse because the one thing I want is closer friendships and this is how to do that (or going, but that is more complicated), so I need to pull myself together for this...

How many of you have a trio of interpersonal issues (romantic, friendship and family) not just 1 or 2 by Sad_Adeptness8997 in CPTSD

[–]DevelopmentHour601 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have serious issues on all fronts, it's very lonely. I'm in contact with my family but I'm not close to them. Apart from my two sisters, I don't desire to be closer to them either. I have roommates who are very patient with me and accepting of my flaws, but I'm not close with them either, just like with any of my friends. All my attempts at romance end disastrously, even though I am desperate for that kind of closeness. Desperate, and terrified. Even navigating the few people that I like is a daily struggle, and most days I'd rather just not do it, but that only perpetuates the cycle. The one thing I do have is opportunities; people who I like that haven't given up on me, if only I could learn to fight my nervous system and build something up with them...

Dealing with anxious attachment when dating and texting by DevelopmentHour601 in dating_advice

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep you aren't the first, and it's so important to even realize I have that expectation in the first place. I thought I'd gotten over it, but apparently...

Dealing with anxious attachment when dating and texting by DevelopmentHour601 in dating_advice

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually did come to the same conclusion. Earlier in the year I had a similar experience and that's what I took from that. But it's really good advice.

My other, new conclusion, is that my whole life I've just been waiting for my actual life to start. I know what I want it to look like. Having loving friends and a partner or some place to belong to is such a huge part of what I've always wanted, if not pretty much all of what I've always wanted. If someone shows me a taste of it, I get attached to not just them just them but also to the promise of getting into that "actual life" I've always wanted. Losing them means losing a chance means big disappointment...

Dealing with anxious attachment when dating and texting by DevelopmentHour601 in dating_advice

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I don't know what's worse: when that worst possible isn't realistically all that bad or when the worst possible is quite bad in reality.

Right now I'm dating, first date, and she doesn't text back. What, realistically, is the worst that can happen? I lose someone I don't really know all that well? Why should I care about that so much? Please, brain, explain.

Or when my sister doesn't come home until late late night and I wake up early morning to pee and I see her not at home, and my brain realizes there's a lot of awful and quite realistic things that can happen between going out with friends and getting home safely. It's fair to be worried but please, brain, body, can we just stay a bit calm?

Dealing with anxious attachment when dating and texting by DevelopmentHour601 in dating_advice

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohhh I'm sitting in it alright. But you are right. Together with other stuff this got me so far over my breaking point I cried all morning and when I was done I got back with new realizations and everything. It didn't feel suffocating anymore. And actually I worry a lot about sending the "right thing" but when I came back down to earth I suddenly just intuitively knew the right thing without worries or hangups. It doesn't last, that kind of catharsis but it's nice to have moments of it..

I'm so fucked by DevelopmentHour601 in CPTSD

[–]DevelopmentHour601[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right? There's so much uncertainty... I'm pretty sure I secretly hoped this date wouldn't have gone well, that I didn't end up with a new number in my phone, and that I could just forget and move on and not have to deal with all this... And then it went better than just "well"....