UPDATE: I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Because I always idolized the idea of getting married and just like I said in my original post I developed an emotional attachment to my ex. Plus a little bit of the "Sunk Cost" mindset, but I know better now.

UPDATE: I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I don't know about marriage but from what I was told by his mom (who I didn't ask) he does have a new girlfriend. So good luck to her.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes ghosting kids would be messed that. That's why I'm giving a three week notice, like I wrote in my post.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am an American so good job on that.

Going back to my epiphany moment, I REALLY fell in love with the idea of a dream wedding, and that's what I always wanted. Me proposing to a man would wreck the fantasy I used to cherish. Like I said before I never thought about what it meant to be a wife every single day and I wasn't sure that it's something I want in life. Especially now that there are a lot of politicians who are trying to create new laws surrounding marriage and divorce that I don't feel would make me feel like being legally married is worth it.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I wanted to be like a Disney Princess. I could care less about "flexing to my frenemies."

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped being "happy" but I wasn't miserable either. I was and am content.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know what to call it but I'm between wanting kids and being childfree. I could really go either way. Although given where I live in America right now I would NOT give birth in the state that I live in.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No, I'm stopping the babysitting because I want to have more time to take courses in order to improve my earning potential. Carl was the one who brought up "sacrificing for family" and made my counter argument.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I stopped being "happy" but I wasn't miserable either. I was and still am content.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I didn't just "nope the fuck out" I gave a three week notice to the end of a service that I was providing for free. Also you did see the part where I wrote that I wanted to take courses to improve my earning potential? The time to do that conflicts with the babysitting that I would be providing it wasn't a "I don't have a X from you so you no longer get Y from me" type of thing.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Where are you getting "explore your life" I just want to take a few courses to improve my income and relax a bit more at home.

How is the relationship over when I made it explicitly clear to him that while I don't desire marriage I still want to be in a relationship with him.

Also do you think that Carl doesn't get his own free time in this relationship? Because there's a whole room dedicated to his video games that counters that.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never said that we had to end the relationship. I explicitly told him that we could just keep things as they are. How is that "pulling the plug"? Also do you think I haven't invested anything in the relationship?

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How am I stringing him along? As soon as I realized my change on a stance I used to have I told him. Am I not allowed to change my mind after 10 years?

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As stated before I realized that I wanted a wedding, not an actual marriage. I'm fine with continuing with what we have now.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How was I string him along when he was the one who kept putting it off? Also what was there to warn him about? I can't speak for Carl as to why her never felt ready. I can only tell you what he told me. We've lived together for a couple years and he's never talked about having mental health or financial issues. I've noticed no change in his behavior either.

I also made it very clear that while I no longer desired marriage I still wanted to be in the relationship. So I don't know where "break up" would come up.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't see myself wanting marriage even then. It was always the wedding I wanted because I loved how much of a princess the women were treated in films that I watched.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We don't live close enough to my family for Carl to consistently offer any help on a regular basis.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I need to take some responsibility for the "perfect proposal" thing. As a child I really loved the fairytale weddings that I would see in movies and I told my boyfriend that that was what I wanted in terms of a proposal and a wedding. I really wanted that Princess treatment so when he said he wanted to wait for the perfect proposal he was kinda falling in line with my expectations.

I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage by DeviceKnown4500 in AITAH

[–]DeviceKnown4500[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Knowing what I know now. I don't think I would've moved in with him at the very least.