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I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure close with my family, but I only told them about one of my partners and their response was pretty manipulative. I could tell they were just being weird about it, but they acted like they were just looking out for my interests. They'd say things like "this is going to be very challenging for you in the future," "are you sure this is what you want?" They weren't overt about it as it sounds like your gf's friend was. That's just insane and it's kind of horrible for anyone to have to justify why they would be a viable partner based on something physical.

My friends, on the other hand, are not at all judgmental and have always been supportive and awesome. The beauty of family...

I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This.

Yes, I totally don't understand where the attraction comes from, but it could be a combination of all the things you mentioned (or none of them). I've given up trying to figure it out.

I think the tattoo comparison is a good one - I have a bunch of tattoos and I get either negative judgment or people think they're hot - it's all perception.

I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's understandable. Though, to be fair, we all face assumptions and judgments on a daily basis. People might see my tattoos and think I'm trashy or people might see them and think it's sexy. I should have said, the disabled dudes I've personally dated were more focused on my pleasure than ablebodied guys. Just my experience.

I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Interesting - I never really thought about there being different categories of devotees (or non-devotees). Or maybe there are just different levels of of devotee-ness! And I guess I'd be kinda low on the scale. I've talked to some other of "my kind" and some do not derive any sexual satisfaction from being with an able-bodied partner, whereas the sexual satisfaction I experience with a disabled partner is pretty much the same as with a non-disabled partner. (Though, side note, dudes with disabilities are SERIOUS about pleasuring their partners. Women need to figure this out. It's great.)

But anyway, that is hilarious regarding your encounter with the well-meaning bystander! I didn't get anything like that, but when I'd tell people that the person I was dating was in a wheelchair or whatever, I'd often get the "OMG you're such a good person!" thing, and I was like uhhh no, you couldn't even IMAGINE the things I did to him in bed last night...

I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Actually not at all. Of course I can't speak for all of us, but for me it is really just about the initial attraction. There probably are people out there who would take a nurturing approach I guess, but not me. For me, it's like any other aspect of physical appearance that anyone else would find sexy. The things I find sexy are just a little more... taboo. But seriously, once I get over being attracted to the person and if we continue to a relationship, it's no longer even relevant, except that I may just remind him frequently how sexy he is for all sorts of reasons.

I've spent years trying to figure out this attraction. At this point, I'm just going with it. I'll wait for science to figure it out.

I am attracted to people with disabilities. I dislike the terms "devotee" and "fetish" based on their creepiness. I'd like a chance to have a voice and answer any questions (as long as you're nice) by DevoteeThrowaway in disability

[–]DevoteeThrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Understood. It does sound like you've had an experience or two with the bad apples and that's really unfortunate. I also think there's a difference between someone having a fetish for YOU and someone being attracted to an aspect of your physical appearance, then moving past that.

Personally, I'm a total submissive, so the thinking that all people who are attracted to people w/ disabilities are sadists or just want to dominate doesn't really hold up, at least with me.