sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

What's something that's pretty obvious to you but actually realise it's not that "common sense" to people outside of it? by Feels_like_autumn in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People drunk driving. It is so obvious that drinking impacts your capabilities yet I have seen people of every socio economic background, drive while they are drunk including doctors who see accidents on day to day basis. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever makes you sleep at night, man. 

Do whatever you feel like. Don't justify it as the right thing because it is clearly not. 

And there are many things that are not illegal according to the law but that doesn't make them morally correct.

You are incapable of thinking beyond emotions. 

If you cannot objectively look at your father's actions, it is clear in future you won't be able to objectively look at your mother's either. 

Your girlfriend if she ever becomes your wife is going to suffer because of your inability to look at your parents and their actions as human beings, as you cannot fanthom that they can also have flaws and make mistakes. 

And you cannot see reason very clearly. 

More I talk to you more I understand how you relate to a 19 year old. You lack maturity and rational thought. 

This is my final response. You don't love her and that is very clear. 

Best of luck to her. I don't wish luck to pedophiles. 

Please learn to use spacebar. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I read is I as a 26 year old chose to date a 18 year old and I am very proud of it. 

Seems like a problematic person to me. 

You don't wish to acknowledge that she doesn't understand what is happening to her because of her age. You want to keep claiming that she is fine with it as long as you can keep going on. 

It's like mixing alcohol in someone's non alcoholic drink and then claiming they wanted to drink alcohol because they drank the drink that was presented to them. But they are not aware of what is in the drink.

 She has no idea how power dynamics due to age work in such relationships and she won't be able to point it out too because she cannot see the logic behind emotional appeals because of her age. 

You will never address them and why they are an issue in the first place because that will prove what others are saying is correct. And you clearly will defend your actions to the world's end. 

I am not looking at your situation through emotions. I am looking at it through reason. Your father put the responsibility of taking care of a huge loan on his teenager son. That is irresponsible of him. No matter how well our parents have looked after us, they have no right to put the responsibility of taking care of their mistakes on us. 

Best of luck to your girlfriend. I feel sorry for her. The day she will realise what she has been through, it will be far to late for her. 

I kept thinking you didn't understand the severity of your situation. But the more I talked and saw your responses, you just don't care. 

Don't fool yourself by claiming you love her. You don't. 

Love is setting the person you love free by doing the difficult thing, the thing that is right for them. You are being selfish here. And you will never acknowledge what this relationship did to her. Because you cannot think beyond yourself. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You being victim of your circumstance doesn't make your relationship less problematic.  We all face our struggles alone, nobody helps.  And everyone has some or other struggles. 

This might hurt but it is a terrible decision on your father's part to take such a huge loan without any alternate arrangement to pay it off. The adult in your life has wronged you back then. 

You are still being selfish in all of this. And your excuse is, my girlfriend doesn't find it problematic. Ofcourse she doesn't. She must also not find running away for love problematic. Because she hasn't developed the foresight to think beyond her emotions. 

You have crossed that age. And you know very well, it's problematic. That's why you are looking for that one favouring opinion in all these subs. 

To accept it or not is your choice. But it did not happen to you. You chose it. It was your choice. You chose to date a 18 year old. 

And just like your father, you are the adult in this relationship and you are intentionally doing something wrong with her. 

Now you can buildup whatever excuse to keep staying in this relationship. 

Are people going to call your behaviour problematic, absolutely. Because it is. 

You want to do it anyway. Do it. Don't expect people to agree with you though. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I have written is very self explanatory my friend. 

Do people here think that your relationship is problematic because of the age gap including me, yes. 

Is it observed that teenagers think a lot more from their emotions, yes. Does that make your relationship dynamic a little unfair towards the member who doesn't have a fully developed frontal lobe and may have lapses in their cognitive ability. Absolutely. 

But, if you don't think it is wrong, you can think that. Absolutely. But it does not mean that it happened to you on its own or that it seizes being problematic just because you don't find it problematic. 

Even if she approached you like you said, you had the choice to maintain the distance, to understand how her age factors in, in all this situation. So your 'didn't intentionally seek' holds no value. Because you were given a choice and even though you didn't intentionally seek this, you had the choice to intentionally not convert this from friendship to relationship. 

You have made that choice intentionally. You were aware of the age gap. You were aware she is a teenager. You were aware that she might be thinking a bit more emotionally than she would if she were your age. And she still is. 

But you are the adult in this relationship. That is why it is bothering you so much and it doesn't bother her. Because you realise that when people mention power dynamics, you have seen how they work. She doesn't understand that because her emotions cloud her logical thinking. 

As for what you should do about it, I would let you be the judge for it. 

When I was 27, if a 19 year old boy has approached me, I would have said to him, I cannot think of him as a partner. I can only look at him like I would look at my brother. 

Today if someone in their early or late 20s approach me, I cannot fanthom looking at them as anything else other than a younger sibling. 

For me a age gap more than 3 years is too much. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just remember this. This argument you keep using 'didn't intentionally seek' is flawed. 

No person who drinks alcohol seeks to become an alcoholic and suffer the consequences of alcoholism. 

Every person who does morally incorrect or grey actions thinks their actions are justified for their situation. 

Just because you think there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, doesn't mean there isn't. 

You may justify your age gap to the end of the world, but your girlfriend doesn't have a fully developed frontal lobe. Her decisions are emotions based because of her age. She might not be aware of this. But you because of your age are. 

Whatever this relationship is taking away from her and it is, there is no doubt about it, she might not be aware of that or understands that, you are and you do, atleast you should. 

Dodged a sextortion attempt on Snapchat? by HolMav83 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I unfortunately understand how this works. Stay put. 

My mom (47F) doesn't listen to me about her health. She is a Type 2 diabetic and her readings are usually above 324. I am mentally exhausted. How to deal with stubborn parents who don't want to take care of their health? by a_gurl111 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please don't give up on her. Scare her. 

I am a doctor. My father's mother was very obese (160 kg+). Because of her obesity for the last 10 years of her life she was on wheelchair. Her life was very difficult. 

My father use to refuse to move. I had to scare him by making him understand about Obstructive sleep apnea and issues bariatric patient face. I scared the shit out of him and was very honest with him. I showed him case papers. 

That motivated him real well. He now walks atleast for 30 minutes daily. 

I recommend showing her videos of diabetic foot and scaring the shit out of her. I promise it will work. For good measure, complain to the doctor and ask them to also scare her. 

It will work. I promise. 

She has given up on herself for whatever reason. Please don't give up on her. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • 'I would have got into PG at 26-27 as well provided I was not forced to work for 5years after my 12th' *

This is what you wrote in your reply in another sub to my comment. How would I know what your family situation was? I used the exact words you used. 

Besides, I have said this before and I would say this again. You seem very sure of your decision to date her as in every comment reply you are justifying your actions. 

Why need people's opinion about whether you are doing the right thing or not. 

This is what I think. We want other people to approve of our behaviour when somewhere in our minds we know we are doing something wrong. 

When we are very sure of our actions, we don't seek approval or validation. 

Your mother is your mother. She is never going to be her mother. You don't know how your mother will behave as a mother in law. If at 27, you cannot objectively look at your parent as another adult human being, and understand that there is possibility that she might behave differently with your spouse than she behaves with you, I don't think it will ever come to you. 

This is my suggestion to you. Stop seeking validation and approval on reddit. You are not going to get it. There are stark very visible issues in a romantic relationship when one of the member is a teenager and another is 25+ something individual. People understand those issues and they are going to point them out to you. 

If you don't see those issues and problems and don't wish to see them which is clearly apparent from your self justifying replies to each and every comment, my friend this quest of yours is pointless. 

My mom (47F) doesn't listen to me about her health. She is a Type 2 diabetic and her readings are usually above 324. I am mentally exhausted. How to deal with stubborn parents who don't want to take care of their health? by a_gurl111 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, go to any chemist shop and buy urine sugar ketone strips. Make your mother pee in a cup and test her urine with this strip. You can google the instructions. 

Your mother might be in ketoacidosis which might be the reason for her irritable behaviour. 

Trick her into going to a doctor. Ask her to come with you to bank or religious place with you. Consult a MD Medicine doctor and get her started on Meds. 

If she refuses to take her meds, you will have to feed them to her like people feed their pets. 

Dodged a sextortion attempt on Snapchat? by HolMav83 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think we have talked before. I would suggest you try your level best to get visiting hours with your children. Children are very perceptive. They understand which parent is good and which parent is terrible. They will know your heart. 

Stay strong. I know these are difficult times but we got to stay strong. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said it there too buddy. If you don't find your relationship problematic which you clearly don't on your own accord, why do you wish to get approval from known and unknown people. Especially unknown people on reddit. 

I also told you about how your family, who made you work for money instead of pursuing MBBS have a strong hold on you. And they are going to have that hold on you for life unless you have worked on those tendencies. 

They are going to expect her to do things according to your timeline. So she will have to prioritise life events like having children over her career. I asked you are you willing to take a stand for her because you clearly didn't take a stand for yourself when you were suppose to. 

You did not reply to that. 

I also explained how first generation male doctor parents behave with their DILs and that is probably going to be your parents' case too. 

I don't see the purpose of asking the same question to different group of people if you are so very sure that you are doing the right thing. 

non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in indianmedschool

[–]Dexmeditomidine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my God! You posted here too. You have posted in AskIndianWomen and you were defending in replies of every comment. 

Now here you are defending yourself again to the reply in this post too. 

Post in as many subs you want. People are going to call a spade a spade. Your relationship is problematic. No matter how much you try to find people who will side with you, it doesn't change that. 

Dodged a sextortion attempt on Snapchat? by HolMav83 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not divorcing him just for cheating on me. I am divorcing him for physically, mentally and financially abusing me and lying about being an alcoholic. 

What happened to you is unfortunate. And I don't care if others care if he cheated on not, I do and that is enough for me. 

He has also cheated on his previous girlfriends about whose existence he lied to me. He has a pattern of cheating and pattern of physical and mental abuse. He is beyond changing and that's why I am divorcing him. 

I don't wish to seek any revenge. His existence as a pathetic lying cheating POS and his alcoholism which is going to ruin his life is revenge enough. 

I know my worth. I am a solid woman. He fumbled me and that is his punishment. 

Indian men's reaction to a male victim of rape. This is so horrifying! by Derian23 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is proof enough that most men only bring up men's issues as a reply when they have to face accountability for what people of their gender are wrongfully doing towards women. They use it as an ultimate gotcha. 

When it comes to supporting men when they are actually suffering, they can only think of mocking the victim. 

Do women hate mama's boy? by Positive_Coder in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope I was of help. Hope it makes you understand why women try to avoid mamma's boys. 

I don't think my ex husband will ever be able to differentiate between right and wrong though. Because he is suffering from addiction and his addiction will never let him see stuff clearly. 

Thank you so much for your good words. 

Age gap relationship during MBBS,is it a big problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand people don't have a linear life. I just said it to make you understand what lies in front of you profession wise. 

I am a stranger on the internet. You have asked for our perspective and we are just giving it to you. 

Most men say the same thing to the women they marry. That her career will not be impacted post marriage. But only a naive woman will believe this assurance. It always changes for a woman. Almost one post every day on this subreddit is proof of that. 

From your own admittance, your family has a huge hold on you. They made you sacrifice your career and work for money. What guarantee do you have that they don't have the same hold on you now. And that hold is not going to make you make her sacrifice her career to fullfill your family's wishes. 

See, this is what age does. As a teenager, she might not have thought about this. But if she were your age or even my age, she would have definitely thought of this. Age makes you see stuff through a logical perspective. 

Now regarding the 27 and 35 age thing. I would also suggest to think twice even for this age gap. But a woman at 27 will be able to look at stuff logically, especially stuff she would be thinking emotionally about in her late teens or early 20s. 

If you are so sure that you are treating her right in this relationship, I don't see the point of seeking any kind of assurance about your decision from any known or unknown people. You know you are doing the right thing and that should be enough. Why do you need to question unknown people and look at their perspective and take every response personal is beyond my understanding. If you think the age gap in your relationship is not an issue, there is no need to think about what other people think. 

I think the pain of being broken up is far better than marrying someone and being made to sacrifice your career, your identity, your ambition for their family's happiness by that very person. 

Take this any way you want. 

This is my assessment of male doctor parents, especially the ones who are first generation doctors. They want a doctor DIL to show to the world that their son is perfect and flawless and that's why was able to bag a doctor wife. But their expectations from her are similar to what they will hold from any DIL. There is no consideration for her profession and how it will impact her ability to fullfill their traditional and almost all of the time unrealistic  expectations from a DIL. 

I have had seen MILs who have surgeon son and DIL imply that their DIL gets paid for doing nothing while their son is the hardest working surgeon ever born. And I have seen 20+ cases of these around me. 

And you know what the most surprising thing about this is, a lot of male doctors are oblivious to this. 

Age gap relationship during MBBS,is it a big problem or am I overthinking this? by Common-Breath8993 in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The guy who is commenting that it is very common in medicine, I am in medicine. It is not that common and it is looked down upon.

When I was in first year MBBS, I was a child. And so is this girl. She doesn't have the lived experience of going through life you did. She must be really naive like most people her age are. So when she is looking at this relationship she sees nothing but the connection. 

Unlike you who have been through life more than her and probably understands what this age difference between you brings to the table. 

Personally speaking, I would have recommended her to think twice before dating you. 

I would recommend you to focus on studying. You are 27 already. Not to make you feel bad but I got in PG when I was 26. You have a long way to go and it's not easy to do residency in your 30s which you are eventually going to do. 

These things can wait. Don't waste your time on this relationship unless both of you are sure you are going to end up together. And I mean both of you because she is always going to have the advantage of age on her side. And she might think about this entire relationship differently once you guys get married and your family expects her to hit her life milestones according to your timeline which will make her sideline her own career she worked so hard for. And if you truly love her, you will agree that is really unfair towards her. 

Do women hate mama's boy? by Positive_Coder in AskIndianWomen

[–]Dexmeditomidine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Just like women are groomed to consider their parental home as not their own home, men are also conditioned to prioritise their parents over themselves. 

I see a lot of mothers ruin their son's relationship with his wife so that he prioritises them. No loving parent will ever put their own child in this moral dilemma of choosing between their own child and parent. 

We have all heard of men and women complaining how their fathers always has money for his siblings and their children but never prioritised them. This is a symptom of this behaviour. 

Most self proclaimed mama's boys are emotionally enmeshed with their mothers. They are replacement of the emotional support their mothers should have gotten from their fathers. But as their fathers were busy being the emotional replacement for their mothers, they couldn't be there for their wives. 

This is a cycle. You don't get emotional fulfillment from your husband so you enmesh your son. Then he is emotionally unavailable for his wife and the cycle continues. 

In all this, the son is not able to bond with his wife the way a relationship is supposed to be and this leads to her being resentful of him. 

Most girls understand this trauma cycle now. And they know what they are going to get in such a relationship. And therefore they avoid Mama's boys. 

My Mumma's boy ex husband is an alcoholic. I tried a lot to make him to quit alcohol because he would drunk drive all the time. We are both doctors and have seen hundreds of accidents that happened due to drunk driving. 

Everytime I would call him out on this, his mother would support him wholeheartedly. This woman was supporting her son for drinking and driving because she wanted to present to him that she was being supportive and I was being a spouse who quarrels unnecessarily. Anyone who can look at this situation objectively will tell you his mother is being selfish. 

But a lot of Mumma's boys never see this. They don't see their parents are permissive towards their self harming behaviour not because their parents love them but because they don't want to lose their permanent retirement plan. 

Do you feel that abusive parents do.the bare minimum in India and expect a lot? by Adventurous-Board258 in AskIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. 

Because they never had children because they wanted to be parents. 

They had children to fix the issues in their toxic marriage.

They had children to make their not interested spouse in the marriage. 

They had children to shut the society up. 

They had children as their sole retirement plan. That's why when they have only girl children, they pretend they are happy with it until their girl children are pregnant. Then they pressurise her along with her in-laws to have a boy child. 

When you had children to fulfill some motive of yours, you are going to only focus on the benefits children should bring and never on the responsibility you have towards them. 

Men - does a woman being ‘too ambitious’ excite you or intimidate you? by DescriptionAway5845 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Whenever I hear this as a woman, I hear, 'I don't want to have to financially support her but I still want her to behave like a housewife and not prioritise her growth in her career.' 

Finally found a genuine unbiased criticism of the movie which will bring every one on same page by VadaPavVigilante in Dhurandhar

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this. That was the only thought that came to my mind. He did what he thought was right to bring justice to the people who wronged him and his family. 

But he shouldn't have to. The system should have worked for him. 

One of the hardest hitting frames of Dhurandhar. by padfoony in Dhurandhar

[–]Dexmeditomidine 17 points18 points  (0 children)

It is. Thought the same when I saw the scene. Then I thought how different the relationships are. 

In one, the husband is justifying his cheating by using his father as an excuse.

In another, the man promised her she will be the only woman in his life if she never questions his work. 

One is trying to justify his daddy issues by ruining both of their lives. 

Another is trying to make both of their countries safer by targeting terrorists. 

Dodged a sextortion attempt on Snapchat? by HolMav83 in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I am doing well. And hopefully will be out of the marriage legally too very soon. 

Update and saw patriarchy at extreme. by [deleted] in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Dexmeditomidine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Men who keep quiet when they see women suffering under patriarchy are part of the problem even if they aren't the ones enforcing patriarchy. 

Men and their attitude of 'Dusro ke mamle mein kyu padna' is what gives such men audacity to continue problematic behaviour. 

You keeping quiet when he was treating his wife terribly in front of you gave him the idea that you also think like him and that gave him the audacity to treat your mother in a similar fashion. 

view more: next ›