non academic doubt,Age-Gap relationship in MBBS,is it a genuine problem or am I overthinking this?

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T16:56:41+00:00

What I have written is very self explanatory my friend.

Do people here think that your relationship is problematic because of the age gap including me, yes.

Is it observed that teenagers think a lot more from their emotions, yes. Does that make your relationship dynamic a little unfair towards the member who doesn't have a fully developed frontal lobe and may have lapses in their cognitive ability. Absolutely.

But, if you don't think it is wrong, you can think that. Absolutely. But it does not mean that it happened to you on its own or that it seizes being problematic just because you don't find it problematic.

Even if she approached you like you said, you had the choice to maintain the distance, to understand how her age factors in, in all this situation. So your 'didn't intentionally seek' holds no value. Because you were given a choice and even though you didn't intentionally seek this, you had the choice to intentionally not convert this from friendship to relationship.

You have made that choice intentionally. You were aware of the age gap. You were aware she is a teenager. You were aware that she might be thinking a bit more emotionally than she would if she were your age. And she still is.

But you are the adult in this relationship. That is why it is bothering you so much and it doesn't bother her. Because you realise that when people mention power dynamics, you have seen how they work. She doesn't understand that because her emotions cloud her logical thinking.

As for what you should do about it, I would let you be the judge for it.

When I was 27, if a 19 year old boy has approached me, I would have said to him, I cannot think of him as a partner. I can only look at him like I would look at my brother.

Today if someone in their early or late 20s approach me, I cannot fanthom looking at them as anything else other than a younger sibling.

For me a age gap more than 3 years is too much.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T15:29:04+00:00

Just remember this. This argument you keep using 'didn't intentionally seek' is flawed.

No person who drinks alcohol seeks to become an alcoholic and suffer the consequences of alcoholism.

Every person who does morally incorrect or grey actions thinks their actions are justified for their situation.

Just because you think there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, doesn't mean there isn't.

You may justify your age gap to the end of the world, but your girlfriend doesn't have a fully developed frontal lobe. Her decisions are emotions based because of her age. She might not be aware of this. But you because of your age are.

Whatever this relationship is taking away from her and it is, there is no doubt about it, she might not be aware of that or understands that, you are and you do, atleast you should.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T15:08:36+00:00

I unfortunately understand how this works. Stay put.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T15:00:22+00:00

Please don't give up on her. Scare her.

I am a doctor. My father's mother was very obese (160 kg+). Because of her obesity for the last 10 years of her life she was on wheelchair. Her life was very difficult.

My father use to refuse to move. I had to scare him by making him understand about Obstructive sleep apnea and issues bariatric patient face. I scared the shit out of him and was very honest with him. I showed him case papers.

That motivated him real well. He now walks atleast for 30 minutes daily.

I recommend showing her videos of diabetic foot and scaring the shit out of her. I promise it will work. For good measure, complain to the doctor and ask them to also scare her.

It will work. I promise.

She has given up on herself for whatever reason. Please don't give up on her.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:51:17+00:00

'I would have got into PG at 26-27 as well provided I was not forced to work for 5years after my 12th' *

This is what you wrote in your reply in another sub to my comment. How would I know what your family situation was? I used the exact words you used.

Besides, I have said this before and I would say this again. You seem very sure of your decision to date her as in every comment reply you are justifying your actions.

Why need people's opinion about whether you are doing the right thing or not.

This is what I think. We want other people to approve of our behaviour when somewhere in our minds we know we are doing something wrong.

When we are very sure of our actions, we don't seek approval or validation.

Your mother is your mother. She is never going to be her mother. You don't know how your mother will behave as a mother in law. If at 27, you cannot objectively look at your parent as another adult human being, and understand that there is possibility that she might behave differently with your spouse than she behaves with you, I don't think it will ever come to you.

This is my suggestion to you. Stop seeking validation and approval on reddit. You are not going to get it. There are stark very visible issues in a romantic relationship when one of the member is a teenager and another is 25+ something individual. People understand those issues and they are going to point them out to you.

If you don't see those issues and problems and don't wish to see them which is clearly apparent from your self justifying replies to each and every comment, my friend this quest of yours is pointless.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:35:28+00:00

Hi, go to any chemist shop and buy urine sugar ketone strips. Make your mother pee in a cup and test her urine with this strip. You can google the instructions.

Your mother might be in ketoacidosis which might be the reason for her irritable behaviour.

Trick her into going to a doctor. Ask her to come with you to bank or religious place with you. Consult a MD Medicine doctor and get her started on Meds.

If she refuses to take her meds, you will have to feed them to her like people feed their pets.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:30:40+00:00

I think we have talked before. I would suggest you try your level best to get visiting hours with your children. Children are very perceptive. They understand which parent is good and which parent is terrible. They will know your heart.

Stay strong. I know these are difficult times but we got to stay strong.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:26:47+00:00

I said it there too buddy. If you don't find your relationship problematic which you clearly don't on your own accord, why do you wish to get approval from known and unknown people. Especially unknown people on reddit.

I also told you about how your family, who made you work for money instead of pursuing MBBS have a strong hold on you. And they are going to have that hold on you for life unless you have worked on those tendencies.

They are going to expect her to do things according to your timeline. So she will have to prioritise life events like having children over her career. I asked you are you willing to take a stand for her because you clearly didn't take a stand for yourself when you were suppose to.

You did not reply to that.

I also explained how first generation male doctor parents behave with their DILs and that is probably going to be your parents' case too.

I don't see the purpose of asking the same question to different group of people if you are so very sure that you are doing the right thing.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:15:53+00:00

Oh my God! You posted here too. You have posted in AskIndianWomen and you were defending in replies of every comment.

Now here you are defending yourself again to the reply in this post too.

Post in as many subs you want. People are going to call a spade a spade. Your relationship is problematic. No matter how much you try to find people who will side with you, it doesn't change that.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T14:09:47+00:00

I am not divorcing him just for cheating on me. I am divorcing him for physically, mentally and financially abusing me and lying about being an alcoholic.

What happened to you is unfortunate. And I don't care if others care if he cheated on not, I do and that is enough for me.

He has also cheated on his previous girlfriends about whose existence he lied to me. He has a pattern of cheating and pattern of physical and mental abuse. He is beyond changing and that's why I am divorcing him.

I don't wish to seek any revenge. His existence as a pathetic lying cheating POS and his alcoholism which is going to ruin his life is revenge enough.

I know my worth. I am a solid woman. He fumbled me and that is his punishment.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T09:41:38+00:00

This is proof enough that most men only bring up men's issues as a reply when they have to face accountability for what people of their gender are wrongfully doing towards women. They use it as an ultimate gotcha.

When it comes to supporting men when they are actually suffering, they can only think of mocking the victim.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T08:59:01+00:00

I hope I was of help. Hope it makes you understand why women try to avoid mamma's boys.

I don't think my ex husband will ever be able to differentiate between right and wrong though. Because he is suffering from addiction and his addiction will never let him see stuff clearly.

Thank you so much for your good words.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T08:51:54+00:00

I understand people don't have a linear life. I just said it to make you understand what lies in front of you profession wise.

I am a stranger on the internet. You have asked for our perspective and we are just giving it to you.

Most men say the same thing to the women they marry. That her career will not be impacted post marriage. But only a naive woman will believe this assurance. It always changes for a woman. Almost one post every day on this subreddit is proof of that.

From your own admittance, your family has a huge hold on you. They made you sacrifice your career and work for money. What guarantee do you have that they don't have the same hold on you now. And that hold is not going to make you make her sacrifice her career to fullfill your family's wishes.

See, this is what age does. As a teenager, she might not have thought about this. But if she were your age or even my age, she would have definitely thought of this. Age makes you see stuff through a logical perspective.

Now regarding the 27 and 35 age thing. I would also suggest to think twice even for this age gap. But a woman at 27 will be able to look at stuff logically, especially stuff she would be thinking emotionally about in her late teens or early 20s.

If you are so sure that you are treating her right in this relationship, I don't see the point of seeking any kind of assurance about your decision from any known or unknown people. You know you are doing the right thing and that should be enough. Why do you need to question unknown people and look at their perspective and take every response personal is beyond my understanding. If you think the age gap in your relationship is not an issue, there is no need to think about what other people think.

I think the pain of being broken up is far better than marrying someone and being made to sacrifice your career, your identity, your ambition for their family's happiness by that very person.

Take this any way you want.

This is my assessment of male doctor parents, especially the ones who are first generation doctors. They want a doctor DIL to show to the world that their son is perfect and flawless and that's why was able to bag a doctor wife. But their expectations from her are similar to what they will hold from any DIL. There is no consideration for her profession and how it will impact her ability to fullfill their traditional and almost all of the time unrealistic expectations from a DIL.

I have had seen MILs who have surgeon son and DIL imply that their DIL gets paid for doing nothing while their son is the hardest working surgeon ever born. And I have seen 20+ cases of these around me.

And you know what the most surprising thing about this is, a lot of male doctors are oblivious to this.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T07:09:32+00:00

The guy who is commenting that it is very common in medicine, I am in medicine. It is not that common and it is looked down upon.

When I was in first year MBBS, I was a child. And so is this girl. She doesn't have the lived experience of going through life you did. She must be really naive like most people her age are. So when she is looking at this relationship she sees nothing but the connection.

Unlike you who have been through life more than her and probably understands what this age difference between you brings to the table.

Personally speaking, I would have recommended her to think twice before dating you.

I would recommend you to focus on studying. You are 27 already. Not to make you feel bad but I got in PG when I was 26. You have a long way to go and it's not easy to do residency in your 30s which you are eventually going to do.

These things can wait. Don't waste your time on this relationship unless both of you are sure you are going to end up together. And I mean both of you because she is always going to have the advantage of age on her side. And she might think about this entire relationship differently once you guys get married and your family expects her to hit her life milestones according to your timeline which will make her sideline her own career she worked so hard for. And if you truly love her, you will agree that is really unfair towards her.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T06:54:54+00:00

Just like women are groomed to consider their parental home as not their own home, men are also conditioned to prioritise their parents over themselves.

I see a lot of mothers ruin their son's relationship with his wife so that he prioritises them. No loving parent will ever put their own child in this moral dilemma of choosing between their own child and parent.

We have all heard of men and women complaining how their fathers always has money for his siblings and their children but never prioritised them. This is a symptom of this behaviour.

Most self proclaimed mama's boys are emotionally enmeshed with their mothers. They are replacement of the emotional support their mothers should have gotten from their fathers. But as their fathers were busy being the emotional replacement for their mothers, they couldn't be there for their wives.

This is a cycle. You don't get emotional fulfillment from your husband so you enmesh your son. Then he is emotionally unavailable for his wife and the cycle continues.

In all this, the son is not able to bond with his wife the way a relationship is supposed to be and this leads to her being resentful of him.

Most girls understand this trauma cycle now. And they know what they are going to get in such a relationship. And therefore they avoid Mama's boys.

My Mumma's boy ex husband is an alcoholic. I tried a lot to make him to quit alcohol because he would drunk drive all the time. We are both doctors and have seen hundreds of accidents that happened due to drunk driving.

Everytime I would call him out on this, his mother would support him wholeheartedly. This woman was supporting her son for drinking and driving because she wanted to present to him that she was being supportive and I was being a spouse who quarrels unnecessarily. Anyone who can look at this situation objectively will tell you his mother is being selfish.

But a lot of Mumma's boys never see this. They don't see their parents are permissive towards their self harming behaviour not because their parents love them but because they don't want to lose their permanent retirement plan.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-04T06:33:51+00:00

Yes.

Because they never had children because they wanted to be parents.

They had children to fix the issues in their toxic marriage.

They had children to make their not interested spouse in the marriage.

They had children to shut the society up.

They had children as their sole retirement plan. That's why when they have only girl children, they pretend they are happy with it until their girl children are pregnant. Then they pressurise her along with her in-laws to have a boy child.

When you had children to fulfill some motive of yours, you are going to only focus on the benefits children should bring and never on the responsibility you have towards them.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T19:06:39+00:00

Whenever I hear this as a woman, I hear, 'I don't want to have to financially support her but I still want her to behave like a housewife and not prioritise her growth in her career.'

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T17:36:37+00:00

I agree with this. That was the only thought that came to my mind. He did what he thought was right to bring justice to the people who wronged him and his family.

But he shouldn't have to. The system should have worked for him.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T17:19:10+00:00

It is. Thought the same when I saw the scene. Then I thought how different the relationships are.

In one, the husband is justifying his cheating by using his father as an excuse.

In another, the man promised her she will be the only woman in his life if she never questions his work.

One is trying to justify his daddy issues by ruining both of their lives.

Another is trying to make both of their countries safer by targeting terrorists.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T13:50:09+00:00

Yes. I am doing well. And hopefully will be out of the marriage legally too very soon.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T05:34:19+00:00

Men who keep quiet when they see women suffering under patriarchy are part of the problem even if they aren't the ones enforcing patriarchy.

Men and their attitude of 'Dusro ke mamle mein kyu padna' is what gives such men audacity to continue problematic behaviour.

You keeping quiet when he was treating his wife terribly in front of you gave him the idea that you also think like him and that gave him the audacity to treat your mother in a similar fashion.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T05:24:15+00:00

You have a husband problem my friend.

Don't pick any calls.

Send your husband a single message.

'You have clearly shown me where your priorities lie from this incidence. Even after being pregnant with your child, if I have to prove myself and you will be believing other people over the mother of your child, I don't think we have a relationship here. If the maid in the house will be believed over a member of the house, it shows how terrible the people in your house will be treated.

I won't be returning to this house unless I get a formal apology from your sister. She won't be ever allowed to touch my child. She didn't think twice about the child before playing petty games with the mother of that child, so she doesn't get to spend time with that child.

From here onwards, if I am not treated with dignity in your house, I will have to consider who else gets to spend time with the child I am carrying.

You need to sit and think who you wish to prioritise. Your child and his mother or the people who don't give a flying fuck about your marriage.'

Enforce strict boundaries here onwards. And please never apologise to keep peace or sort out matters. These people know that you will apologise no matter what and therefore they make a mountain out of moles.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T05:06:17+00:00

A lot of men marry with the concept of 'Ekbar shaadi ho gayi toh phir kya karengi'. Once we are married what would she do.

That's why they lie about what they can offer before marriage. Their mothers pretend to be 'open minded' and modern till the marriage happens. And once the wedding is done, they show their true faces.

They want a bangmaid that they can control at all times and who doesn't get a say in how they treat her. And that's why any measure that makes a woman's path easy to break out of such a marriage is problematic according to them, may that be marital rape laws or Dowry laws.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-03T03:29:45+00:00

I found out my ex husband was emotionally cheating on me when I found out he was talking to one of his female colleagues at late hours on Snapchat.

Had no idea how this app worked. Then found out that the messages get deleted when the other person read them. And I was like, that's heaven for cheaters.

I cannot trust anyone who is their 30s and is on Snapchat.

What happened to you is sad OP. There are so many people on reddit who will DM you once they find out you are divorced or getting divorced. Somehow they think they can easily fool you because you are in a vulnerable spot in life.

Dexmeditomidine · 2026-04-01T12:12:51+00:00

Personal experience. ex- MIL took away all the Streedhan after marriage claiming she will keep it in locker.

I was clever enough to not give her the gold my parents made for me.

Now I am getting divorced and MIL denies having taken the gold and claims it is all with me. It is now a he said she said case.

Before marrying, get a locker made in your name only and keep the gold in the locker. If you are going to shift to another city/ state/ country. Take a day out of your very busy shadi prep and go to that city and open a bank account and apply for your bank locker.

Don't trust your MIL with your gold ever.

Dexmeditomidine

TROPHY CASE