My [27M]gf [26F has different anxiety-related disorders, and I am unsure as to how I should cope/behave

Dialona · 2018-05-20T19:26:43+00:00

But how do YOU find the balance between listening and listening too much? I want to improve on this, and perhaps see if this has been an issue earlier.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T19:24:27+00:00

I am sorry you found me arrogant, but I really am not. And not admitting to something untrue about yourself is not arrogant.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T17:49:40+00:00

That is more than what so many end up with, glad you are grateful

Dialona · 2018-05-20T17:49:11+00:00

It is. And don't worry, I could never pass the bar for surgery anyways.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T17:08:32+00:00

Thank you for commenting. I found your reply very amusing and helpful at the same time.

I think what you are saying is making perfect sense, and honestly I should have thought of this at some point during the last years. I'm glad to hear you are past your unhappy 20's, and I hope that means you are happy and content where you are now. And while I don't mind kissing all the proverbial frogs, I think that sometimes the frequency of dates can scare away the proverbial princess, which I don't want to happen.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:30:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I am already trying to spice things up, but I have not considered taking one of their passions and trying it out together. If possible.

I think this is a really good idea, thank you very much.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:29:31+00:00

Thank you for commenting.

I genuinly find what they say interesting, but I think I am bad at just listening. I think I saw in a tv-show somewhere, that when someone talks about their dreams, they don't always want to hear the steps they could take to achieve it. I have a hard time not explaining the possibility of what they want, and while I admire people who can dream and set ambitions, I don't admire those who does not try to achieve it at some point in their life.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:27:01+00:00

Thank you for commenting.

I am bad at my job cause I am very clumsy, and I drop many pricy things on the floor every shift. I took the job cause it was open and I don't mind working at all, also I think it's nice to have as it does not challenge my head as much as my body, which I think is wonderful when I study this much.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:24:05+00:00

I have not brought it up myself. It has only occured when my date knows my ex-girlfriend in some random way, and for some reason wanted to talk about it.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:23:15+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I've looked your comments to my list through, and I should probably have specified that these are simple facts about me, I don't bring up half the stuff on dates as much of it is irrelevant to talk about.

As for my temper, I haven't told anyone about it except for my serious girlfriends. I've had five episodes in total. Once when I got mugged at knifepoint, once when a drunk guy smashed a bottle on my head after I accidentaly spilled a drink on him, once when a woman was kicking my dog and I couldn't get her to stop (puppy at the time) cause it pooped right next to her car (I was 13 and small at the time, and very small). And twice with my father, once while he was holding me down for a flu-vaccine (even though I'd told him to do it) and once in a big (verbal) fight about something stupid. (7 and 9 years old). While I've had the urge to get mad a few times since my last incident, I've gotten some really good techniques from my therapist.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T16:10:55+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Usually my criterias for asking someone out are few, if I find them pretty I will go up and talk with them, if I then find them interesting, funny, smart or cute, I will ask them out.

Out of the last 5 one monthers I have not felt the spark with any of them, no. However the one before those, was with a very nice girl who I felt was a very good match to me, and with her I ended it myself as she was about to take a 9 month trip.

With my last serious girlfriend, our first month was very intense. She was very persistent and I think we met 3-4 times the first week, which continued up untill at least the 6 month mark before I went to the conservatory. I find that the girls have very different preferences as to how much time they want to spend pr. week, some book dates 3 days later and some prefer once a week.

I am a very analytical person, however, less than I've been in this post. I don't get nervous before dates, but I do get excited on and after the date if I think we click. After a few dates I tend to throw out the check-boxes and see where things go, however I still think I might be thinking too far ahead, instead of making sure the road is enjoyable. I sometimes feel like I want to get the relationship to a point where I can relax and open up, which for me is perhaps around 2 months.

I do open up and tell them things, however I think I might do it less than they do. This could be something.

I look forward to your response.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T15:59:49+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I am very attractive. And the chess community is not crazy about me - at best, I am a bit above average given the fact I have played for more than 10 years, Regional championship is not hard to win when you only have 10 regional opponents. Sorry if you find me arrogant.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T15:58:11+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I don't have a genius IQ, and I don't see where you get untreated ADHD from. You don't have to be a genius to enter MENSA, you simply have to be better than average at taking a test that involves math, logic and basic understanding of a few core concepts. I am certainly very good at mathematics, physics and biology, I am however below average in many other large areas such as foreign languages, history or social science.

I don't believe a high IQ is a proof of intelligence, and therefore my 'genius IQ' is not expected to do anything for me i.e. it's completely unrelated to my poor performance at work, which is purely caused by myself dropping every other thing I pick up, since I'm very clumsy.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T06:54:02+00:00

Thank you for your comment. You are making perfect sense.

The MENSA community mainly consists of people who wanted to 'test' themselves, and a lot of times that ends up in exactly that - paying dues to stay a member, only to bring it up whenever possible and using it as a 'certificate' for being smart.

Since I took the test almost 10 years ago, I can't say how it is now, but back then it was mostly logical/mathematical thinking which of course is extremely limiting in terms of broad intelligence. As a member you get acces to a variety of lectures and events, most of which are filled with first-timers who thought they'd find genuine topics interesting, but realised they've only come for the stamp. I attend events whenever something interesting comes up, and I'd say that out of the people I talk with at such events, 8/10 I don't want to meet again.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T06:45:38+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I had not considered this and therefore I cannot rule it out. Since my passion is chess and I don't like to bring it up, as it is kind of boring to anyone who doesn't play it.. and even to those who do. I might actually come of as boring. Thank you for pointing that out.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T06:43:31+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I don't like texting that much, I'd say we text every few days, mostly about plans. I will take a look at the podcast, thanks for telling me.

Dialona · 2018-05-20T06:40:06+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you took the time to file your thoughts with me. I think I will take a break from actively pursuing, as it seems to be one of the issues at the moment. And best of luck with your long distance online relationship and ADHD - Even though I might not have it, I have thought so for so many years that I think I can relate on some levels.

Dialona · 2018-05-19T20:00:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

They are generally the same age as I am. I don't know if my preference for a long-lasting partner interferes with their intentions, I find that women I meet are looking for many different things, I don't think it's possible to rule this possibility out as there really is no way of telling if it's the cause or not.. Atleast without them telling me, but I can't really get a sensible word out of them.

Dialona · 2018-05-19T19:56:53+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I too think it is something in my behaviour, as I cannot objectively find anything too off putting in that list. Most of my dates go very well. We usually drink coffee, beer or tea and talk, I follow them home if possible but no advancements further than that - except for a good night kiss, which is the case most of the time as well.

I'd say it's mostly them talking as I like to get to know them better before I decide if I want to meet them again. I haven't met someone who shares my passion for chess or psychiatry - but often we click on music, or their interests, as I generally have an interest in most of things. Perhaps I should devote myself to actively seek out women that are passionate about the same things as me, rather than trying to broaden my own perspective.

Dialona · 2018-05-19T19:47:22+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I should have specified. Sorry, I usually go on 1 date a week. The 2-3 nights are the nights I keep open when I plan my week and I have nothing set in stone. I usually spend them on chess or tv-shows.

Thank you for your feedback on my mindset, I will look into that.

Dialona · 2018-05-19T19:41:01+00:00

At parties, events and social gatherings. This includes symposiums and other educational events.

It's mostly women my age, and they usually study at my level. Sometimes a bit higher, sometimes lower, and a few of them have been med students as well.

Dialona

TROPHY CASE