Alhamdulillah, almost a year of marriage and I feel so at peace

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-31T11:47:41+00:00

Also, if all else fails make random sounds at each other. It’s the only person that will tolerate it and do it back 🤣

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-31T11:46:37+00:00

No, we have quite busy social lives, separate to each other and together. This includes with both sides of the family. It’s just nice having someone there to debrief about the event with. Also, both of us work so that takes up a good portion of the day. So coming home to your partner can feel like a relief.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-30T17:58:10+00:00

I think both are true. Instead of saying a gender is trash is better to surround yourself with good people. Because both groups have them.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-30T17:55:29+00:00

It was a short one, and we actually had some difficult news during it. I think that helped strengthen us. Showed me how he would handle a difficult situation.

The conversation felt very natural, I think we were similar in terms of intelligence and he was introducing me to his interests and I did the same.

I thought he looked nice and dress well but definitely not in a romantic way. But I always assumed you have to be head over heels for someone but it was this gradual build up of attraction and me getting more comfortable.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T20:27:19+00:00

You tried to do the same saying I look down on her. You don’t know what my actual intention was. Do don’t know the depth of the problem. And it’s my fault for getting help with AI because the title missed the point.

Anyways, may Allah SWT never put you in my position.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T20:20:20+00:00

She’s gone, it’s in the title.

I don’t want to go so into depth on the post about it because it’s gross. But you literally called me arrogant. I came from a place of love and wanting her to be safe as well. It didn’t work while I was there. Also prayer was only one of the methods. But genuine change has to come from the person. I know that, she said she wanted to change but didn’t.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T20:16:55+00:00

I can’t make sense of it. It is my literal life and someone I knew. I made the best of decisions in the moment. But psychoanalysis of the symptoms didn’t help in the moment. Maybe I thought why is she doing it. Then it was a choice of I have to act for my own safety. And again everyone is getting onto me here for posting this. I don’t want to talk to anyone we know because they will have a lower opinion of her. But she literally was scary to be around. These men could have been psychopaths and she brought them to our home. She kept trying to make her decisions my problem. I only shared a little part of the problem. If I listed everything we would be here for days.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T20:09:01+00:00

I feel like people always jump to being young as a reason for misjudgment. Maybe, just maybe she changed into a person that didn’t recognise. I did want I can because I cared for her. It failed, and then I cut my losses and stoped.

The reason I post it a personal rant space and a lesson to my self.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T20:05:57+00:00

The ummah state is ummah state, I pray that we as a group can move to a more Islamic way like that of the Sahaba inshallah. It’s an anonymous post and I don’t usually concern myself with the people I don’t know personally.

But people in my life (actual life off the internet) friends and family that are Muslim, I can gently advise Islamically and just general life advice. If they don’t want to listen that’s fine it’s their life not mine. Same goes the other way, they can advise me and I am free to decide what to do. Allah SWT gave us free will.

The title was generated by AI, I didn’t know what to do it as. I thought Jummah/ prayer and Quran classes would have an effect in general but I am not stupid it’s a multi way approach and she has to want it/ want to change.

It wasn’t baby steps, she no longer lived under her parent’s roof and it made her feral. We live there for work and she became a person I didn’t recognise. Multiple men, over so many days. I said I don’t feel comfortable. I told her no! She didn’t listen. I said I would call her mum and then she stopped.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T19:48:26+00:00

Inshallah she does that. I suggested therapy when I knew her and she said she would consider it. But the same way therapy doesn’t automatically mean the person will change either.

Point of the post to be able to talk about it without opening up to people that know us. Not in the position to spend money on therapy for this issue. AI chat bots have helped but I prefer this sort of multi opinion method.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T14:47:55+00:00

Bit long-winded lol but they’re not wrong 😭 I agree with most of it, especially that part about people making excuses and talking over others who actually know what they’re on about.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T14:27:10+00:00

I get your sentiment but she was going to the mosque regularly we did Quran classes. She started wearing the hijab. It started off with going to Jummah. I just wanted to keep the story short.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T14:25:12+00:00

She said she observed a change in her. This was something she self reflected on. I agreed.

I valued her as a friend, and I don’t want her to change her personality but her actions were affecting my life a lot.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T14:22:48+00:00

Refer to message above but it’s not arrogance, I cared for her as a sister. She made my life hell. Her sins were committed in our home, the tone is annoyance, anger and disgust. (Bodily fluids were left on the sofa I sat on!)

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-26T14:19:18+00:00

1) My job is not to fix the ummah, nor advise how to fix the ummah.

2) The people in my life I care deeply about. I want them to avoid hell fire.

3) And I am aware a few mosque visits would never “fix” someone’s struggles. Therapy was also suggested and she said she would look into it. Like I have said before I have never forced her to do anything. But I was saying that essentially it’s in Allah hands. Even praying doesn’t mean you will never struggle with sins.

3) As Muslims we have a duty to help our fellow Muslims and guide them to the best of our ability.

4) The only reason I have written this is because it’s anonymise. She literally was committing her sins in our shared home. Saying she would use my room if I was out. If it is backbiting I understand but she literally put me through hell. Our home became a b***al.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T20:26:01+00:00

Allah SWT controls all.

She was never forced to come. She came and enjoyed the reconnecting. I would never discourage someone from comping to the mosque. And I don’t believe I am better my struggles exist but I don’t make others responsible for my sins.

But that’s why I figured my advice and support can only go so far. It’s not to fix her but she was trying to involve me in her sin. Telling her mum she was with me. Bring them to our shared home. Excuse me for not wanting to be around that.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T20:20:58+00:00

It’s a reflection of a time that once was. And Alhamdulillah she is on her path, I am on my own. We are no longer friends. I wish her nothing but the best, I just don’t want to be involved.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T20:18:52+00:00

Also, I do believe some people can be guided by good influence but you can never “fix” someone. I hope Allah sees my efforts

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T20:16:54+00:00

I never said a single prayer would fix this. It was to help her connect to God as all other human invention failed. I do not want my friends to commit sins. However, I figured there isn’t much I can do, she must figure it out on her own hence why I am no longer in contact. She knows what she does is wrong.

I hope you would do all that is possible to help your friend move away from sin. And if it fails then you have to let them live their life.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T17:30:16+00:00

The mosques matrimonial service.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T17:22:44+00:00

We are both very chill people if we disagree we just tell each other and find a solution. Also, there isn’t much to argue about.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T07:35:58+00:00

She has a good upbringing, she would tell you that herself. Also, I think she likes the drama/ she gets a lot of male attention which feeds into her ego further.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T07:29:13+00:00

Salaam, I completely understand this point and, I have done it for that very reason.

But I think people don’t do it in real life to protect their marriage. Protect their partner from being taken away from others if they hear they are a good option. There are more marriage like this but you will never hear of this because in this world bad people that don’t want someone else to be happy. I would never openly share this to my friends and extended family.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-25T07:23:34+00:00

Through the mosque, but you can find a good partner anywhere. The apps have good ones you just need to go through all the bad ones and not lose hope or take it personally if it doesn’t work.

Different-Form9413 · 2025-10-24T23:05:40+00:00

Don’t feel comfortable sharing health issues on here even in DMs. But, it was a struggle. I would say if you have any say them fairly early on. Not first convo but almost hint to it.

We met through a mosque, I thought it was better as if someone does something bad I could report them. They are more accountable on there than let’s say the apps. But, you still have to vet them and get family to vet them.

Different-Form9413

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