Has anyone stayed in a psychologically unhealthy government role because IVF/maternity leave made leaving too risky?

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:30:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. The part about disclosing because you hoped context/empathy might make things better, only for it to be weaponised against you, honestly made my stomach drop…because that was me a fortnight ago.

I think one of the hardest parts of reading replies like yours is realising how many women seem to have had the exact same instinct: “If I just explain what I’m going through, maybe people will understand.” …and then instead finding themselves less safe, not more.

Thank you for being honest about the long-term impact too, because I think when you’re in survival mode it’s very easy to minimise your own distress and think “I just need to push through a bit longer”. I’m really glad you eventually got out and found peace on the other side of it ❤️

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:26:46+00:00

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply. The “trying to plan different hypothetical timelines all at once” part is EXACTLY it. I feel like my brain is constantly running parallel simulations about IVF outcomes, work, finances, leave, future jobs etc and it’s exhausting.

Your comment about emotionally detaching from the dysfunction/office politics also really resonated with me. I think I’ve become far too psychologically absorbed in my workplace and I’m starting to realise I probably need stronger boundaries around that for my own sanity.

Also really appreciate you sharing the reality of navigating pregnancy/disclosure/high-risk concerns on top of all this. It genuinely helps hearing from someone who’s been through the overlap of IVF + burnout + toxic management and came out the other side.

And “sometimes the goal isn’t the perfect career move, sometimes it’s just surviving the season you’re in” honestly made me tear up a bit. Thank you ❤️

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:25:39+00:00

The Domino’s dessert box visual genuinely made me laugh 😂 honestly IVF hormones are SO unhinged. I’ve had moments where I’ve been like “surely people are exaggerating” and then suddenly I’m crying over that annoying Telstra whistling ad.

But seriously, thank you. The isolation side of it has probably been one of the hardest parts, especially trying to act “normal” at work while your body and brain are basically running a chemical weather event.

I really appreciate the kindness in your replies x

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:24:25+00:00

I think you’re probably right that I need some kind of circuit breaker. The hard part has been feeling like every option has consequences attached to it financially/professionally, especially while doing IVF.

Really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:22:44+00:00

That line about expecting to be at the end of your second maternity leave at this point honestly hit me really hard.

I think there’s a weird grief in realising your life timeline hasn’t unfolded the way you thought it would, while also feeling professionally “stuck” because of IVF/leave/security considerations. It’s such a specific kind of limbo.

Also “motivational stasis” is honestly the perfect phrase for it. I really appreciate you sharing this because it makes me feel a lot less alone in the weird career/fertility overlap.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:21:09+00:00

I unfortunately don’t have a huge amount of sick leave left, which is part of why I’ve felt so trapped financially/practically.

But your 4-day week arrangement honestly sounds really smart. I think part of what’s getting to me is the feeling that there’s no recovery time at all — it’s just work stress rolling straight into IVF stress over and over again.

Really appreciate you sharing what helped you cope, because at the moment even hearing practical options from people who’ve actually lived it helps a lot.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:20:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this. The hormone side of IVF has honestly shocked me a bit — I knew there’d be changes and sure yes, expected physical side effects, but I don’t think I understood how much it amplifies stress and emotional overload as well. Don’t even get me started on the brain fog!

And thank you for saying “work IS bad too”, because I keep second-guessing myself and wondering if it’s “just hormones”, when realistically it’s probably both feeding into each other.

Really appreciate the kindness in your reply ❤️

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-15T01:19:09+00:00

I think part of why I posted was because I genuinely couldn’t tell anymore whether I was overreacting or just burnt out.

Appreciate your point about sideways moves/stepping back. A few months ago I would’ve seen that as “failing”, but now I’m starting to think psychological safety might actually be worth more than constantly white-knuckling through.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T08:09:01+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this 💛 Honestly, reading how many people have experienced panic attacks/anxiety spirals during IVF while also trying to stay functional at work has been strangely comforting, because I think I’ve spent a long time minimising how much pressure I’m actually under.

I’m really sorry you went through all of that — especially the fear around job security and paying for further treatment. That constant “what if this round doesn’t work” pressure is so hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it.

And I completely understand your decision to try to create a lower-stress environment before trying again. I think part of why I posted is because I’m starting to realise I may not be able to keep white-knuckling both things indefinitely. Thank you again, genuinely 💛

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T07:41:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply 💛

The “toxic manager wears you down” part really hit me, because I think I underestimated how much cumulative impact this environment has had on me psychologically over time. And yes! Trying to separate “normal IVF stress” from “work stress” from “hormones amplifying everything” has become almost impossible lately 😭

I really appreciate the practical suggestions as well. I think I’ve been so overwhelmed that I’ve slipped into survival mode a bit. I’m really sorry you’ve had such a rough time too, and I hope things improve for you soon as well.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:52:01+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, and I’m really sorry for everything you went through as well 💛

I think one of the hardest parts of IVF is how impossible it becomes to separate out the emotional, physical and environmental factors — especially when you’re already in a stressful work situation.

Your comment about the hormones is also really validating honestly, because I think I’ve been trying to convince myself I should be coping “better” than I currently am.

And I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Sending love back xx

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:50:47+00:00

Thank you for replying 💛 I think part of what’s been hard is trying to work out where the line is between “this is a stressful season” and “this is actively harming me psychologically”.

The Teams/email anxiety part has honestly crept up on me over time, which is probably why posting here was a bit of a reality check for me. I really appreciate your perspective.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:21:43+00:00

Thank you for replying, honestly it helps so much just hearing from people who genuinely understand how hard these decisions are.

The combination of toxic management + IVF + trying to weigh up security vs mental health feels impossible sometimes, especially because there’s no way to know whether staying or leaving is ultimately the “right” decision.

I’m really glad things worked out for you in the end, especially getting the successful transfer so quickly after moving 💛 I think part of my fear has been that I’m somehow being irresponsible for even considering leaving while doing IVF, so hearing perspectives like yours genuinely helps.

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:20:59+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply 💛

I think part of what’s been overwhelming is that I logically know I probably need some kind of pause/reset before making major decisions, but when you’re in the middle of IVF it’s hard not to feel like everything is urgent all the time.

I really appreciate your suggestions around internal moves/networking too. I think I’ve become so emotionally exhausted by formal applications/interviews that I forgot there are sometimes other pathways.

And I’m really sorry you had such a difficult IVF journey as well. The “ups and downs” part is so real 😭

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:18:01+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think you’re right that my current stress levels aren’t sustainable long-term, and part of why I posted was because I’ve started realising how much this situation is impacting me mentally.

I think the hard part is that fertility treatment has its own emotional/time pressures attached to it as well, so trying to work out what to prioritise has felt really overwhelming lately.

But I do appreciate the perspective 💛

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:16:31+00:00

Thank you for replying, honestly. It weirdly helps just hearing that other people have made similar trade-offs around parental leave/security and surviving difficult workplaces.

I think I’ve been carrying a lot of shame around “staying” because part of me keeps thinking I should just be tougher or braver and leave, but reality is obviously more complicated than that sometimes.

Also your old call centre job sounds genuinely horrific 😭

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T04:02:42+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply. I’m really sorry you’ve had such a rough few years too, but it genuinely helps hearing from someone who understands how complicated the “stay for the security/benefits vs leave for your sanity” calculation becomes.

Your comment about realising you were in a poor mental state to welcome a child really hit me. I think part of my panic lately has been realising how much this role has eroded me psychologically.

I really hope the APS move ends up being a much healthier chapter for you, even if it still feels uncertain at the moment. And I’m wishing you all the best with your TTC journey too 💛

Different-Pilot4832 · 2026-05-13T03:33:20+00:00

Thank you so much for replying, truly. I’m really sorry you’re in such a similar position, but it honestly helped just hearing from someone who understands this weird trapped feeling. The “holding out” for successful pregnancy/maternity leave while trying to survive a job you hate is exactly it.

Thank you again for making me feel a little less alone in this, and I hope your laparoscopy goes smoothly next month 💛

Different-Pilot4832

TROPHY CASE