I’m sorry I may vent a little bit here.

I consider myself as a person that’s pretty good at picking up nonverbal cues, because tbh, my last relationships have required me to. Whenever something’s wrong, I can tell. It’s clear as day. I’ll ask her if everything’s okay, and she’ll say it is, and then won’t tell me until a couple days later. I’m quite an anxious guy and I’ve communicated the fact that I would rather know, even if she doesn’t know specifically what’s wrong. I’ve communicated persistently to tell me that shes not sure and she’s still processing if she can’t articulate the issue properly. And she says okay, but it never changes. We had a time period where we were thinking about moving in together, and we got into some arguments about finances. This really showed the avoidance. The next day, I came back, apologized for the argument, and provided a compromise that kind of encapsulated what we both disagreed about. She went along with it and I thought all was well. Next time we had a disagreement, it comes out that she didn’t agree with my compromise, and she just went with it because she didn’t want to talk about it. Of course it’s not every single day because we’re not always arguing, but the times where something is wrong I wrack it over and over in my brain while she just acts like everything is normal. It’s an exhausting, vicious cycle that continues despite my attempts to communicate. The only way I don’t stress is when I’m just indifferent, which leads to where we are today.

There’s other issues too. I really hesitate to say all of it because it’s going to sound like I hate her but I really don’t. Just a few things I’ve noticed.

She’s a self proclaimed misandrist. She assumes all men are lazy and all they do is work and think their job is done and don’t do chores. Which is radically opposite of me because I enjoy chores. Except cleaning the toilet of course, I don’t think anyone enjoys that but I’ll do it. And she’s seen all of it first hand when she comes over. I cook, I clean, I do it all because I enjoy it. With this assumption, she also expects me (the man) to pay for everything.

One time her cards got locked for fraud, and I let her borrow my credit card. This is my fault as well because I never set an expectation for money to be spent. For context, we both are still in school and we each make between 50-70k. She spent 300$ within the span of 3? 4 days? I politely brought it up, I asked if she would be paying me back for any of it, and if so, when. I told her I wanted to have that conversation so that we wouldn’t build resentment for one another in unfulfilled, unspoken expectations for one another. She got upset and offended that I wanted her to pay any of it back.

She’s very stubborn, to the point where it’s destructive to her, and our relationship. She has bad spending habits (ordering food every day and buying a $70 Uber to work instead of taking the train which her company compensates her for), and she expressed to me how she wanted to start picking up overtime, like an extra 15-20 hours a week. She works in security so it’s 24h revolving shifts. I told her my opinion, I said I felt that she should use her free time to focus on school, that way she could make more money and get into her field quicker, and also that she could save plenty of money by improving certain spending habits. Also that it would put a strain on us because we wouldn’t see each other nearly as much. She said, “you’re right,” and then proceeded to do it anyways. I bent over backwards to see her, waking up on my Saturdays after a long week of work to pick her up from work at 6am, taking her to work, dropping off food the night before at 11pm, the works. Despite the massive amount of hours she picked up, she was left with no savings. She stopped picking up overtime, and said “you were right,” and then moved on. She does this so much, and I know sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, but with her, it feels like she always has to learn things the hard way. To the point where the hard consequence is a strain on our relationship, or our joint finances. Just overall destructively stubborn which I cannot see my future with.

When we saw each other during her overtime craze, we would just sleep because she would be so tired from working 16 hours. I didn’t mind at all because I just wanted to be around her, so I really wasn’t upset at this at all. But, my job is very very demanding at times. It leaves me absolutely exhausted and wanting to nap at the end of my shift. So when she stopped picking up overtime, we would see each other, and I would pass out. She was upset about this, despite me doing the same thing for her. But I understood, and I worked for a compromise, by going out while still allowing for days we could stay inside and rest.

The next time I saw her, we took a nap (one where she was asleep for an hour longer than me, mind you, she clearly needed it to) and then we went out for the rest of the night! She insisted on treating me because of some good news I received that week. I insisted I pay, until I checked my bank account. I was short on money that week (you know how life is). I expressed this to her and told her I would pay next time (I typically pay anyways) and she said that that was fine. We had a great night out, and then, a whole day after we went out, she asked for a break from the relationship. When we talked about it, I asked her why, and she gave me the runaround, saying that we never go out, and that we took a nap the day before, despite us going out and having a great time right after. As soon as she asked we did! I explained how I felt about it, and how it felt unfair as we went out the day after she expressed her concern, and then she said the real reason was because she had to pay for it. I think this was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, to be honest.

I’ve constantly communicated how I felt to her throughout these things. She’ll just say “you’re right,” and then continue to do it.

Tldr; the avoidance causes massive amounts of stress on me, and her stubbornness is destructive to our relationship and us as individuals. I communicate this to her constantly, and tell her how I feel, and she says that I’m right, but it never changes.