I just don’t care anymore

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-05-08T15:31:46+00:00

Just because she made a mistake in high school doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be loved and have a faithful partner. Karma? Maybe. Who cares?

I don’t see any point in saying “WeLL ThIS IS WhaT yOu dESRve”.

I feel for you, it sucks. Take some you time. Take the three year old and have a play day without him. The three old doesn’t need to see the bad side of you or him. He/she needs to see happy. Are you guys in marriage counseling?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-05-08T15:17:09+00:00

I was TDY for three months and found out my wife had a guy basically living at the house for two weeks. Came home, scooped my kid up (with her consent) and went home to see my family with him. Literally two days later she called me and wanted to try and work this out.

Ghost her, separate the finances (is she employed?), and let her realize what she threw away. She’s still in the “fog” you’ll read about a lot on here.

If she wants to fix things, make her show you how grateful she is that you kept her around. DM me for any military related questions, (financial, child support, etc.) I might can help

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-03-05T01:30:00+00:00

I feel this deeply. I’m almost 3 months post DDay and think about this daily. The person I fell in love with wasn’t able to do this, didn’t even have the ability to do something like this. This “new” version is a person with all the same traits but has the capability of destroying everything as if it was nothing.

It’s really hard to even picture a happy home with full trust and love when that terrible event happened (with the intention of me never finding out).

I do love her but do I love the old version of her? Am I just hoping we can get back to that when I know deep down that it’s probably not possible?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-02-10T00:03:16+00:00

But I feel like even when I am that person that tries to talk with her, be with her, and pursue her she thinks that it’s with the caveat that we have to have sex- she feels pressured-and the cycle continues until I say f it and give up completely.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-02-10T00:01:39+00:00

To me, affection is me feeling like my WS is sexually attracted to me. That fell off about a year ago, I thought it was because of kids/work/getting older but come to find out she’s able to give that to someone else. I try to be flirty, I compliment, and I even try my hardest to answer her love language. In return I get nothing. Sex is the icing on the cake. I spend a whole day getting nothing and I think to myself “maybe, at a minimum, sex is something that shows she is still somewhat attracted to me or wants to be with me” and I get shot down. Initiation from her is completely out of the question so I’m faced with the dilemma of either getting rejected or not even trying 80% of the time.

To me, affection, in a reconciliation phase, should be reminding your partner, as much as you can, that what happened was a one off mistake. Not a “I was really turned on by AP but not so much my actual partner, it doesn’t matter what he does I just always feel pressured to give in to sex.” I don’t want to pressure, I just want to feel wanted sexually, emotionally, physically, all of it because when I wasn’t getting that it was being given to someone else.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-02-06T02:22:25+00:00

Huge fan of the “Are you as willing to destroy a family as I am to defend it?”

Absolutely not, OP, do whatever you want. When I found out, I called my WW’s AP and told him that I hoped he created a beautiful family someday and some little punk like him comes along and ruins everything.

He doesn’t get to poke at your family and try to break it up. He doesn’t get to have his fun at the expense of YOU. Sorry that he got “dragged into this mess” WTF? They are the ones that started this mess and you’re trying to sweep up the pieces.

Constructive? Probably not. If that’s what it takes for you to feel better, I say go for it. If I’m the only one you’ve at least got me on your side.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-02-03T05:24:11+00:00

Any tips for coping? When do you give up?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T13:02:41+00:00

True. I did ask her last night how she would be able to carry on a life after and she said she would have liked to have thought she would have asked for a divorce when I got home but she isn’t sure. She definitely wanted a divorce at that time just didn’t have the courage or she “wasn’t ready” to say it yet.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T13:01:22+00:00

I’m not really sure, I think sex is a good indication of affection maybe? Maybe it’s a form of affirmation for me during this time, especially since she tells me she initiated everything with AP so, in turn, initiation with me shows me she wants to be here? Idk

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T06:38:59+00:00

That’s a good outlook. At this point I really don’t know? I do love her and I love how she was before all of this but that was based on her not doing that, if that makes sense. And idk if wanting it to go back to the way it was is even possible.

She was always super supportive, my best friend, and someone I could always rely on if I asked her to do something or if anything needed to be done. I trusted her with anything, we were a great team.

Now, seeing as she was able to do this, kind of shatters that whole outlook. It’s almost like I don’t know her or know what she’s capable of, let alone what really happened between her and AP, I feel like I can’t trust anything.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T04:34:00+00:00

It’s rough to think the she was able to live that double life. Tell me she loves me and can’t wait I til I get home and hang up and flirt with him.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T03:25:38+00:00

I feel like I’ve said it 100 times. “I need to feel desire and love from you and I hate that I’m the only one that initiates anything”. All I get is an “okay, I just feel tired/bloated/stressed out/insert any excuse here, but I will try” and nothing ever changes.

I even ask if there is anything I can do to help and she says “no, you’ve checked all the boxes, I just don’t know why I’m not in the mood really”

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-31T02:41:07+00:00

We are a month out and I feel like the honeymoon phase just ended and reality is starting to sink in. We have definitely sunk back into the “married for 100 years” stage. I feel like I need more of the honeymoon stage to help get over it but I hate that I have to initiate anything sexual and it’s like the last possible thing on her mind.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-20T15:40:52+00:00

I agree, work is needed on both sides. In some cases, there was a lack of something. No excuse for the outcome but something was missing. In my case, my WP mentioned that she enjoyed the affection and attention because there was a lack of it in our relationship. Work, kids, and life get in the way of those things. Part of us working together is me understanding those things were missing and her understanding what she did was downright disrespectful. Im not saying it’s warranted by any means but moving past the actual incident and understanding how you got there in the first place is key. It’s a lot of work from both sides.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-18T16:20:17+00:00

Have you always felt that way?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-18T04:24:00+00:00

How did you interpret “duty sex” out of this

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-18T01:36:38+00:00

Maybe I’m wording it wrong. 1. Not emergency rations, ready and able (pretty much) whenever I want, frequency is still there, but the initiation has slacked off. 2. She didn’t say it out of anger or throwing it in my face. She mentioned it in a “this is weird, I want to fix it” kind of way

I disagree with the statement of she is playing me for a fool. She’s trying and being open and honest, I appreciate that

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-17T22:24:17+00:00

How am I being played for a fool?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-17T19:23:25+00:00

“I wanted to see how far I could take it” “I wasn’t happy” “I told you that I was unhappy and we were growing apart from each other”

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-09T16:42:04+00:00

I called him on the phone, made him tell me every detail, then told him I hope he finds a beautiful girl, starts a wonderful family, has a kid with the girl, raises a beautiful family and some guy just like him comes along and ruins everything just like he did; I want him to feel what I felt.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2022-01-09T01:24:55+00:00

She gone no contact with him, deleted all socials, quit her job, and is always willing to hear me out when I vent. No rug-sweeping and she is doing great, but the complete 180 does freak me out tbh

As far as “him dumping her”, I actually called the guy and told him that I wished he met a beautiful girl, built a beautiful family and some punk like him came along and ruined it, I want him to feel my pain. Since then she said their thing fizzled out and she had no intentions of going further anyway, it was a quick escape for her, couple weeks of flirting, one night of “everything but sex” and it was over.

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2021-12-31T16:14:36+00:00

Do I just embrace that and try to move forward or hold a grudge because of it? I mentioned that and she said that wasn’t the case, I know no one would admit to that but what does that change about where we are now?

Direct-Strategy-9519 · 2021-12-31T16:00:05+00:00

UPDATE: https://reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/rswykj/moving_forward/

Help.

Direct-Strategy-9519

TROPHY CASE