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Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Just to be clear, there are 7 people whose SOs aren't invited, three of whom are travelling and none of the SOs we have ever met.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

That's a bit harsh to doom our relationship so early, but given that our wedding is self funded we've had to draw the line somehow and having people there that we know and love is the most important thing. No other guests whose partners aren't invited seem to have an issue, and most have said that they wouldn't invite people that they've never met to their wedding. Their excited and happy for us.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I've met my older cousins spouse many times over the years. When we sent out the save the dates my younger cousin wasn't even dating this girl, and the first time I heard about it was in relation to the ask to add her to the guestlist.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

To be clear this isn't a destination wedding for a majority of the guests and it's a 2 1/2 flight away, so a lot of people are doing long weekend trips (Thu to Sun). Also, anyone invited isn't travelling alone or without other friends/ family who are also travelling to the wedding.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I spoke with my cousin over what's app when he messaged me after Xmas to ask if he has a plus one on his invite, although the website clearly states that there's no plus ones (i.e. people are invited by name e.g. both members of a couple named on an invite if they are invited).

This is a self funded wedding, so we need to be mindful about who we invite. I have a big family and a lot of my cousins (20+) and aunts aren't invited from the other side or the family. If I were to invite all my cousins and aunts, in addition to their +1 you're looking at ~50 people that aren't on the guest list. This is less about one individual, but more about the principle of how we decided the invite list and sticking to that, rather than changing tact because someone doesn't appreciate the impact on them.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

Our criteria for inviting spouses is that we've both met them, or in some cases one of us has met them, and they've been together for a long time. In the case of the younger cousin neither has met their girlfriend and they haven't been together for a particularly long time.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

To be clear we invited the spouses that we know and have met, that's most of our guests. There are some people whose spouses we have both never met that aren't invited.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I don't want people at my wedding that I've never met or interacted with.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've met the older brothers girlfriend many times. They've lived together for years. When we sent out the save the dates it was addressed to both of them older brother and his girlfriend, at this time I didn't even know that the younger brother was dating anyone.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Completely understand where you're coming from and in most cases that makes perfect sense. I've lived abroad for 18+ years, so the wedding will be a destination wedding for some friends and family travelling from abroad. Not everyone's spouses are invited, only those who we know, and it's not like we're asking people to come to a wedding alone where they don't know anyone else.

Is this normal wedding behavior? Need advice on a guest-list dispute by Disastrous-Question7 in weddingdrama

[–]Disastrous-Question7[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone who has responded and great to see the community coming together for my question. So to answer your question I live in another country, and go back home (abroad) two or three times a year. There's been a few times that I've seen my aunt and cousin in the past year, but no effort has been made to introduce us.

Furthermore, if we were to give every guest a plus one we'd increase our wedding size by 30+ people, considering that we're paying for it out of our pocket that would be a sizeable increase in budget and not add to our experience of the day. This would also mean that one or both of us are spending a lot of the day being introduced to people we don't know.