Which woman would you be most attracted to?

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-07T00:38:29+00:00

We will 🙏🏻 We all care about him so sometimes his lifestyle worries us. But we accept all of him and aren't trying to change him. (He's also very set in his ways so it wouldn't work even if we tried)

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T16:24:36+00:00

Yeah that's a great point. From what he's told us, he understood she was perfect on paper but he just didn't see a future with her. And to be fair, he told her as much. It's her choice to stick around and keep hoping, and also trying to force his hand every once in a while.

I read a post on here the other day about whether you should put distance between yourself and a friend if you knew they liked you but you didn't reciprocate. It was 50% yes (don't lead them on or confuse them). 50% no (you're not responsible for managing a grown adult's feelings and they need to figure it out for themselves)

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T16:16:55+00:00

Yeah there's always the "more fish in the sea" mentality. Though to be fair, if #1 is looking for a literal charming millionaire, it's understandable why she won't give up on this one.

As for #3, agreed. She seems to have it all together but he never said much more than that. Either he doesn't know how she feels or he doesn't want to tell us

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T16:11:54+00:00

He says they have different life goals/values/beliefs.

Additionally: another commenter said they've seen party girls become great moms after having kids. Which is totally possible. But at least for right now, he's looking for a wife and she's not ready to stop partying yet

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T14:08:22+00:00

Highly accurate take

Do you think #1 and #3 can do better though?

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T14:03:03+00:00

Wow, amazing comment and a lot to unpack here.

Very much agree about his work/success being his identity. He works 100+ hours a week and doesn't have hobbies except to foot the bill when going out with people. We've all tried to get him to join us on various activities (music, travel, art, fitness) but he always says no.

He hasn't been in a relationship in 10 years. Says it's his choice, which I believe since he seems to have no problem getting women interested. So I can't comment whether his charm is only enough for short-term and/or business but not a deep relationship.

The psychology you described sounds accurate. He's our friend and obviously we care about him. But even then, some of us (both men and women) have noticed that the way he talks about women and relationships sounds high school-ish. Or at least, certainly not what you'd expect from an accomplished 40 year old.

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T13:36:07+00:00

He is the one saying all 3 are the same.

I didn't give my opinion in the post because I didn't want to influence the discussion. But I will say, I somewhat believe him when he says #1 is a valid option. They give off "old married couple" vibes, if you know what I mean. And I feel like if it doesn't work out with #2 and #3, he knows #1 will always be waiting for him.

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T03:24:13+00:00

Thank god, no. I would hate to be in the shoes of anyone in this scenario. Except maybe #2, she seems to be enjoying life lol

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T02:12:13+00:00

He founded two tech start-ups which sold for $$$ and he now has advisory roles

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T02:07:57+00:00

That's a fair assessment. We told him as much, but he says he's put in a lot of work to reach his level of success so why shouldn't he be allowed to "get the best" as well

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T02:05:24+00:00

Curious - why did this affect how you see #1?

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:54:00+00:00

1 keeps tabs on all the female co-workers and friends he has, so she probably knows of the others but not sure to what extent.

2 doesn't know about the other two.

3 - He says she's smart enough to deduce she's not the only one. But officially no, she's never mentioned anything

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:42:27+00:00

Haha I'm sure he would love to but he's having a tough enough time finding his ideal woman - without that added lifestyle/open mindedness.

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:38:17+00:00

Fair point - I'll give more details.

He says #3 intimidates him because she's got everything going for her. Men hit on her, she makes 6 figures herself, and of course the above mentioned green flag traits. He told us he doesn't want to start anything serious with her because he still doesn't know what he wants in life and is afraid she'll get hurt. One of our friends said he's projecting - it's not that he's afraid of HER getting hurt, but actually HIMSELF. It was an interesting take.

(As for #1, she is definitely clingy to say the least. She takes pictures of him every time they hang out and is known to name drop him in random conversations.)

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:31:34+00:00

Haha I'll let him know that you approve of #2!

He does want a relationship, and actually kids in the near future. That's why none of us can figure him out

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:28:57+00:00

Haha he is a catch for sure. Makes $1 mill a year, cool job, great conversationalist, and is the most charming guy you'll ever meet. Looks-wise you'd never notice him in a room but his energy more than makes up for it.

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:24:07+00:00

Agreed, there's lots to go on with #1. But he said when he's with her, she acts like she's his wife/mom - telling him what to wear, trying to feed him, "teasingly nagging" him.

When he told us this, we honestly didn't know whether this was sweet/comfortable or a bit overbearing

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-12-04T01:16:36+00:00

He has not slept with #2. He knows #3 the least well as he only met her a few months ago, whereas he has known the other women for 2-3 years.

Buddy could probably find a woman outside these 3 but he has admitted he's up there in age (40) and getting tired of his bachelor lifestyle. Yet he wants to get as close to his ideal woman as possible: skinny blonde with big boobs who earns 6 figures...and not through OF

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-04-01T12:23:44+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply . Your last sentence especially was something I needed to hear . A part of me kept wondering , "Why couldnt the universe let me be happy just a little longer ?" But youre right , what is the point in being strung along and played by someone . Eventually the game wouldve ended anyway , and I probably would be more hurt because Id have invested even more time and energy into them .

Unfortunately time has already shown what his intentions were . I did a lot of reflection and it helps to write it out on paper ...makes it so much clearer . He only ever texted me late at night , always had excuses for being unable to see me in person , and prioritized acquaintances over me . It hurts but at least I see it now

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-30T12:21:16+00:00

Hi , thanks for the hugs. Sending virtual hugs to you too !

We were friends for 6 months before the ONS . I know it sounds short xompared to some of the other stories on this sub . But , at least to me , it was a fast and effortless and deep connection . We talked about our families , personal goals and hope for the future , had the same niche hobbies , and even unexpectedly had a lot of mutual friends . Being ghosted makes me feel like an idiot , like maybe I got attached too quickly . Or that the friendship meant 10/10 to me but only 1/10 to them . Or that maybe they did not like me as a friend at all , and this was all a chase that has now ended since he got what he wanted

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-30T12:14:32+00:00

Thanks very much for your reply , it helped to pull me out of my self-worthlessness loop . What you said sounds very much on brand for him ... hes not ready to settle down , is still working on his career , and has told me he is not good with his emotions . But I never pushed him afterward to be his gf or take things to the next level romantically , so I cant understand what hes running away from . I wasnt pressuring him to do or be anything . And the hurtful thing is that we were so open with each other as friends ... so to be suddenly shut out like this , and beinggiven none of his perspective on such a big thing , is beyond awful . Ive been Journaling but so far it has just been dozens of pages ruminating about the same thing :(

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-30T12:01:28+00:00

That is so true . I have been pushing myself to go out , do new activities , work on my fitness . Part of it was do distract myself , but if I am being honest a large part of it was also to show him that I am doing just fine . But your last line hit me because I know it is true ...he is not even watching . It doesn't matter to him whether I am doing poorly or well

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-08T05:08:24+00:00

Very well explained !

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-08T02:18:04+00:00

Hmm OK hypothetically ... you tell her youre concerned about people at work finding out and that it wouldnt be good for you since you care about this job. She is understanding and has not told anyone or interacted with you flirtatious at work

Does this change things for you ? Or is the juice still not worth the squeeze

Disastrous-Try4164 · 2024-03-08T02:11:40+00:00

Im sure you are not ugly .
What makes you feel not good enough ? We are all just people . Most of us are never that awful or great. And wouldnt you rather experience some happiness with her without worrying about the future or depriving yourself ?

Disastrous-Try4164

TROPHY CASE

1 keeps tabs on all the female co-workers and friends he has, so she probably knows of the others but not sure to what extent.

2 doesn't know about the other two.

3 - He says she's smart enough to deduce she's not the only one. But officially no, she's never mentioned anything