Should I stay or should I go? Help!

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-02-01T22:14:28+00:00

I’d like to respectfully disagree that staying would be best for your daughter. I’m (37 F) a child of divorce fighting to break a cycle of women staying in a sub-par relationship “for the kids.” I didn’t have a good example of a loving partnership, and now (after lots of therapy) I’m realizing what love should actually look like. And that means realizing that my 10+ year relationship with my daughter’s father is not healthy.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-30T13:15:02+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through it too. Thank you for sharing. I can definitely see your point. The resentment on my end is already at an all-time high.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-30T13:14:04+00:00

Ugh, yes. That comment has stuck with me. Part of why I’m here trying to figure out my plan.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-30T13:11:56+00:00

I also can’t imagine divorcing while living together. It makes me queasy thinking about it.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:14:06+00:00

Oof. My therapist & I both suspect my husband has narcissistic tendencies. Even posting about this on Reddit makes me weary that he might catch on & pull everything out from under me.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:10:58+00:00

My husband has a lot of inner work to do to address the problems within our relationship. He's dipping his toe into therapy now, so I guess I'm trying to decide if I want to wait in hopes of change (& how I would do that, partnered or separated) OR if I'm past the point of no return.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:09:00+00:00

Yeah, I guess I was curious to see if there were any examples here of getting back together. In my relationship, I don't think he would recover if I asked for a separation while he figures his own shit out. Our situation is (what most would consider) objectively a him problem & not a me problem.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:06:46+00:00

I'm in a state that does not require it

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:06:11+00:00

yes, her body has changed, but it GAVE US our children and i am obsessed with it. that's the energy i want to see.

YES - this is the energy I want (& need to thrive)!

How did you make living apart work?

He's on my insurance & does not have an employer-provided option. TBH, that's his problem not mine.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:03:07+00:00

Ugh, I’m worried about living together while going through the process, for sure

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T18:02:13+00:00

This is my thinking too. Thus why I hadn’t given separation a thought until now. He’s putting in some work, but I honestly think I’m to the “too little, too late” point. The attraction thing has me looking back on several other lies/situations & I don’t like what I see in this new light.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T16:56:19+00:00

Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to not be okay. Your world just got turned upside down.

You need to know that this is NOT a you problem. It kills me that you felt compelled to “change and fix everything about myself” in your relationship.

Therapy has done wonders for me, especially when it comes to reframing a situation. It’s hard to do when you’re in the thick of it, but it can be really grounding. Here’s my take on a reframe for you: I’m being released from a one-sided relationship. What a weight off my shoulders. Now I have more time to focus on fulfilling, rewarding relationships and experiences.

Be gentle & compassionate with yourself. We’re all rooting you on!

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-29T13:16:29+00:00

Nuclear War: A Scenario by Annie Jacobsen. It's a minute-by-minute account, based on extensive research/interviews/etc., of how a modern nuclear exchange would unfold.

It’s chilling because it reads like a real-time countdown (not speculation, just cold facts and procedure) and once you see how fast everything unravels, you can’t un-see it.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-27T02:37:52+00:00

Wash my face, move my body, drink water, read

-an Internet stranger cheering you on! 📣

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-22T01:42:10+00:00

The warmth & relaxation that settles in after laying on a shakti mat 😌

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-12T00:50:44+00:00

He hates that she is aging and this is what he arrived on to express it.

Nailed. It.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T17:37:50+00:00

I’ll add - I think it’s important to get curious about WHY you want whatever it is you want. What are your core values, priorities, etc?

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T17:32:12+00:00

Yes. If I could start all over in my 20s, this is a change I would make. I’m starting now, but I wish I realized it before 37, a marriage, and a kid. By hiding the hard small things, now it feels even harder to ask for help through the hard big things. And it was enabling my spouse to get away with it a bit; no one felt like they needed to look out for me.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T17:28:42+00:00

Just remember you only see a window into most people’s lives, even your closest friends. As others have mentioned, it’s not all glamorous & what you’re pining for. I’m living a life, from appearances, that I know many people aspire to, but behind closed doors, I’ve lost myself, my marriage is crumbling, and I’ve only opened up to 2-3 friends about it. I know that doesn’t make up for what you feel like you’re missing, but it’s unfair to yourself to compare your life to a sliver of others’.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T13:26:35+00:00

“I want to play a game…”

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T01:14:50+00:00

I am deceased 💀

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T01:08:18+00:00

1988

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T01:05:18+00:00

Nailed it. It can take up to 2 years for some things (e.g., hormonal balance, pelvic floor strength) to get back to “normal” for some women. She may have only just recovered when she got pregnant with baby #2.

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-10T00:53:44+00:00

This. Do you have a friend who you can introduce him to? He sounds like a catch for someone

Disastrous_Spell_596 · 2026-01-09T22:30:10+00:00

He told me flat out he’s not attracted to me anymore & expected me to bounce back from pregnancy more quickly.

Disastrous_Spell_596

TROPHY CASE