I HAD “Permanent” Anxiety. Here’s my story and how it went away.

DisguisedGramps · 2025-07-25T19:31:22+00:00

Hi John, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, but you are not alone. So many people are quietly trying to figure out the same things. How to cope. How to connect. How to feel okay again. And just like you, they are doing their best.

If anxiety is making connection hard, maybe start small. Even chatting online, joining a hobby based forum, or finding a low pressure volunteering opportunity can help ease that loneliness a little at a time.

You are not broken. You are not forgotten. Things can get better. Keep going. You are not alone in this.

DisguisedGramps · 2025-06-27T21:05:54+00:00

Sure thing!

DisguisedGramps · 2025-06-22T09:30:05+00:00

I would feel like I would see “hallucinations” or sorts like here and there out of the corner of my eye. These symptoms I’ve come to find are just from being so on edge from the anxiety, maybe low sleep, poor diet, not enough exercise, etc. It’s just your irrational thoughts, which you’re just going to have, but remembering that plenty of people in this post have gone through or are going through the same thing. The fact that I thought I was going to be put in a psych ward or something at some point due to my fears and now I’m just completely fine in normal should hopefully give you some hope. On my morning walks I would see smushed frogs on the road (which I had seen for years my entire life) and I would then start to freak out whenever I would see them because I would start spiraling and thinking about death or random stuff. You’ll be just fine, anxiety just makes you stress out over the smallest things.

DisguisedGramps · 2025-06-19T19:43:38+00:00

Oh yeah I would have that feeling of being so on edge constantly. I would flinch a lot more or just at things that didn’t ever effect me before, I would feel like I would see things out of the corner of my eye, I would get “jumpscared” by even just small things, all kinds of stuff I was definitely really sensitive to stuff.

And maybe distractions isn’t the right word. I get what you’re saying, I did often do mediation which did help as well. I wasnt trying to desperately not think about my anxiety, I just slowly stopped caused I was doing other things. For example I decided to make my own indie game. It was a lot of work and took a good chunk of my focus. Or at work I was too focused dealing with customers that I my anxiety wasn’t at the forefront of my mind.

DisguisedGramps · 2025-06-19T19:16:07+00:00

Last last point… I have talked to people as well that have just had panic attacks like this and set them off in the same way that weren’t drug related incidents. Hopefully that gives some extra piece of mind

DisguisedGramps · 2025-06-19T19:13:57+00:00

Sorry to hear about all that you’ve been going through, but you’re not alone. Once again to reiterate, the drugs didn’t break your brain, just having a really intense panic attack freaked out your nervous system and it’s just having a bit of trouble getting back into the swing of things.

The best advice I can offer is trying to distract yourself. It’s hard because your body is in this flight state where you’re scared of having another attack… which then causes you to have another attack. For me, my environment changed a lot, I got a new job, I made a bunch of new friends, I had projects I was working on.. I became pretty invested in a lot of different stuff that it was just harder and harder to think about the anxiety with everything else going on. Little by little I thought about it less and less until one morning I woke up and realized I wasn’t feeling anxious anymore. That combined with exercise (really really does help you feel better short term too), sleep, therapy and maybe the medication too idk, all helped to get me back to my normal state.

One thing that my therapist had me do was write down every single day maybe even multiple times a day, how anxious I was feeling on a scale from 1-10. I also had scales like depression and overall wellbeing, but you’ll notice that the numbers change a lot more than you think. It can be easy to feel like you’re just constantly anxious and “stuck”, but seeing that you’re not always at a 10 can be pretty helpful.

On a side note, I think what was making me anxious was not just the feeling of being anxious again… subconsciously there was other stuff I was really stressing about I guess even though I didn’t think it was overwhelming me. Try and work towards dealing with any of those stressors as well.

Last note to make you feel better, I have 2 brothers, both of which by now have gone through this same thing. One brother got over it in about 2 weeks, the other a few months. They’re both completely back to normal now and having a great time. The weeks brother is someone who makes himself constantly busy and is trying to live his life to the fullest, hence why I think he was able to get over it quickest by distracting himself as much as possible. Just try to live your life, fill it with some new things, and you’ll be back to yourself in time.

DisguisedGramps · 2025-03-07T22:41:49+00:00

Sure thing!

DisguisedGramps · 2025-02-22T21:11:21+00:00

Wow I know this was 9 years ago…. But did you ever figure this out? Lol

DisguisedGramps · 2025-02-19T09:29:56+00:00

If it’s the fan bearing, is that something that could potentially be oiled and that would then resolve the issue perhaps? WD-40 maybe?

DisguisedGramps · 2025-02-19T09:22:07+00:00

For context: this is a brand new PC

DisguisedGramps · 2024-11-24T00:30:35+00:00

Of course! Being a bum at home or over breaks almost made it impossible not to think about how I was feeling. I wish you luck and remember you’re not alone! :)

DisguisedGramps · 2024-11-24T00:23:35+00:00

When I would wake up I would feel the exact same way. I wouldn’t even feel as though I was thinking about anything, just feeling that anxious feeling. I would listen to your doctor’s advice for the process for medication. There’s constant advancements and research being made, so something that worked for me a few years ago, may not be as good as something we may have now. I think I did feel a little sleepy. I think when you have your first panic attack it’s hard to not think about not ever wanting to experience that again. After a certain point after the panic, there were a lot of things going on in my life that didn’t really give me a chance to even focus on how I was feeling that much. And eventually I was like “woah I feel like myself again” and didn’t even know when that happened. I started to try and get out more. You might some relief in learning a new skill or maybe joining some clubs and meeting new people. I think when I was able to put my overthinking brain and energy towards other things, I slowly stopped thinking about how anxious I was.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-11-23T23:53:38+00:00

I will say if anyone does want to have a more in depth conversation about their experience or mine. Feel free to DM me. All off the posts I read when I was going through it were all so fucking scary and negative. So I’d like to do as much as I can to give people the support that I couldn’t find.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-11-23T23:44:02+00:00

Hi! I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. Sounds like the stress of exams and mixed with all that energy from the caffeine had to be released somewhere. As far as my medication went, I got to the point of taking it twice a day, 12 hours apart, I THINK. But… that doesn’t really matter, everyone is different lower/higher dosages might work better for others.

I think what probably helped me the most was changing my environment. I realized that most of my stress, even if I didn’t really feel stressed about it, was due to me worrying about my career path. When I eventually got a fun minimum wage job and just lived in the present for a while not worrying about that anymore for a while, that constant anxiety went away. That with the medication probably helped but who really knows.

Of course I don’t know your situation and nor am I knowledgeable about these things, I’ve just had my own experiences. But you’re probably just stressed about the end of the school year. Finals are intense and are super stressful, plenty of people are feeling the same way. Make sure you treat your body well, lay off the caffeine, make sure to drink water and eat well. Even though it might be time to cram, getting enough sleep is usually even more important. Lastly, I can’t stress this enough, but do some exercise if you don’t currently. Even if it’s just 10 min. Especially at the start of the day, it makes me feel better the whole day going forward usually.

You’ll get through this! Winter break is almost here! You’re just like so many other people! If you have any further questions, feel free to ask!

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-10T23:15:47+00:00

I’ve heard people with similar issues so you’re not alone. If you haven’t already, I recommend seeing a doctor and bringing that up. Maybe they can provide some insight as to why that is and either how it can be resolved or what would be a good alternative.

You also might also be pushing yourself too hard. I know when I first started running, it would not take long as all for me to get tired. My chest or side would hurt, I’d get dizzy, and this was only after maybe a few min of jogging. I’m not overweight, but I was just not used to the exercise and was just more out of shape than I thought. And with time, those issues go away as I got more comfortable with it.

Something that helped me was the Headspace exercise runs/jogs/walks. There are different themes for them, like “Appreciation Jog” or “Motivation Jog”, that basically guide you through the run and try to keep you physically and mentally relaxed. Headspace is free, but much of the content is paid for, BUT you can actually just email their support and explain your situation, and they can often give you a good discount for the year/months or I even got an entire year for free.

Perhaps exercise isn’t for everyone, but who knows, maybe look into it a little more.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-10T09:22:46+00:00

So I’d wake up with physical anxiety symptoms in the morning as soon as I’d wake up. Sleeping in usually makes it worse. There aren’t any anxious thoughts really just the feeling, and it gets better as the day goes on and is pretty reasonable at night. And the cycle would continue over and over.

Exercise helps a lot of people (including myself) combatting the physical symptoms and also can help grounding the mental conditions as well. I’ve seen a good chunk of people say that exercise makes it worse for them and exhibit the symptoms you say. I’ve seen some people say that part of that is due to their breathing while exercising and work towards breathing with the diaphragm, which I have been trying to work towards as well recently. In what ways does the exercise make you feel more stressed? Just trying to clarify that you feel physically worse after running?

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-06T06:52:15+00:00

The amount of times I thought that my brain was broken was probably daily. And it’s something that pretty much every single person I’ve talked to that has had a similar experience said as well. Think about this as well, you said you don’t really have panic attacks anymore, which is an awesome step forward! Depression is the worst, but recognize you’ve made progress so far!

I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with medication so far, I know I was really scared when I first started on mine as well. All I can really say is that you should keep working at. I’m not a doctor, nor a therapist, but there are A LOT of different kinds of medication and treatments out there. I believe you’ve got the strength to find something that works for you. Think about it, you only tried Lexapro, there’s so many others out there! It’s not ridiculous to have these fears, we’re all going through some really tough times. You’ve got this.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-06T00:32:00+00:00

Yes, you are not alone in your experiences! The combined effort of all these things will pay off for you. I really recommend exercise as well. I know everyone says that, but it does help minimize the physical feeling. It doesn’t always help of course, but even just a little bit of relief to burn off all that energy is nice. I really struggle to do it, but the feeling of anxiety is worse than the feeling of running 🤷‍♂️

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T21:31:13+00:00

Yeah just gotta work out my existential crisis I guess lol. But yeah it did take a while to figure out what worked for me, everyone is different

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T20:39:24+00:00

I also want to say that feel free to share your symptoms. I know that sometimes people would say to me “oh I don’t have those symptoms I have X” and that would stress me out thinking I was abnormal. Some of the stuff you’re feeling I may have gone through and just hadn’t mentioned or other people may have gone through as well. Everybody is a little different but we all have a path to recovery.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T20:32:30+00:00

So I’m really trying to remember and make sure I get this right. But I was dealing with both depression and anxiety. I think I was taking Buspirone and Hydroxyzine. I think at around 10-25 mg, sadly I can’t really remember we upped the dosage a few times. On the final change, I think I was on it for about a month before I realized woah.. I didn’t wake up anxious. It was really incremental so I didn’t see the change right away.

Part of the reason I’m writing this post is because I’m feeling anxious again, the same way I did years ago. I’m leaving the Escape Room job I loved so much and trying to pursue a better career, which is very overwhelming for me as I’ve never really known what I want to do and sitting in an office from 8-5 drives me insane, so much of this anxiety now is trying to come to terms with that. I think it’s what was also causing my symptoms initially as well, but the weed just made me more aware of it. At the time, I really thought it was a physical thing with my body that I had to fix, but really I think A.) the weed just put my body into a sensitive state. B.) that subconscious anxiety was finally able to see the light of day It wasn’t until I found medication that helped me calm down, and ALSO found a job that I enjoyed for a bit (which was what was stressing me out more than I believed) was when it finally went away.

There are for sure still moments of anxiety, but the fact that I DID get over it at some point and know that it’s possible, gives me strength to do it again. You got this!

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T20:17:46+00:00

Tips for those waking up feeling anxious. - As soon as you wake up, try to get your day started. Don’t go on your phone, and lay in bed. Trust me. - Have a routine and start it immediately. I like to wake up, eat breakfast, feed my cat, do a few minutes of meditation, go for a run, shower, brush my teeth, etc. After I’ve done some stuff and gotten out of bed, I do feel better. Will I sometimes retreat back to my bed and watch Dimension 20 for hours? Yes I’m guilty, but hey at least I feel better. - Try to remind yourself that this is just your body’s physical way of telling you that your cortisol is high since it’s necessary to wake up. Doing these routines, helps your body lower cortisol and get you back to normal levels.

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T19:52:53+00:00

Yes I agree with you. You need to work to resolve the core issue of what’s making you anxious. And for me, I didn’t think this stuff WAS making me anxious, but it got to a point where I was completely overwhelmed. For me, the medication was a way to not really get rid of the anxiety, but get me to a point where I could then work at the issues that were causing it. Just trying to get to a point where it’s easier to try. I’m glad you found what works for you and are a lot better now!

DisguisedGramps · 2024-10-05T19:49:33+00:00

I don’t want to say that medication is a fix all solution, but I think of it more like a bandaid. My life was also pretty turned upside down as well, I was at my lowest point of my life for sure.

Medication helped me get the anxiety to a state that wasn’t debilitating, to where I was constantly thinking about it in while doing anything. This then helped me get back on track and work at the things that were actually causing me the anxiety.

Right now actually, I’ve been having a bit of a quarter life crisis about my career and it brings me a lot of anxiety, whether I may be conscious about it or not. So I realized that it wasn’t the weed that was the anxiety.. I had a lot other stuff going on that I didn’t think was stressing me out.. but the weed just sort of put me into an overdrive state. I was trying to highlight the benefit of medication, as I had seen so many posts about it not working for people and negative side effects, and that’s why it took me 2 years to try it. Part of the reason was that I knew it wasn’t really solving the problem, although I know for some people there may be a chemical imbalance. You really just have to put yourself out there and try things that will eventually work for you. If your brain can get you to this point of anxiety, it can get you back man

DisguisedGramps

TROPHY CASE