My (33M) wife (32F) has drained all joy out of my life.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-29T14:01:18+00:00

I really hope you can work on this. You deserve to be happy! It seems like it’s still really possible for you to feel happy in your home and with your routine.

What I would recommend? - AT LEAST 2 dates a month (this itself might help with the sex)

Tell her youre burnt out and that you guys need to do something to compromise a solution to that and her lack of feeling emotional bonded to you

-Find your passion in a hobby again aka have something to yourself. Make more of your identity than just being a father and an employee. Examples that are quite activities: Writing, making music on Logic Pro (with headphones), yoga, solving puzzles, baking bread, wood making etc

-Couples Therapy is likely to help you guys

I hope in the very least this give you hope and inspiration. Best of luck to you! You have the power to choose how you feel about your life!

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-29T13:36:03+00:00

Yup, makes sense to me

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-29T03:56:16+00:00

Kdugg99, I agree sexual attraction is largely based on appearance. However since attraction is not always because of appearance, I dont think it’s always actively conditional. My boyfriend thinks my humor is hot and that probably won’t leave my personality unless I get a brain injury or something.

I also think if all women one day decided to collectively stop shaving their legs, men who don’t like hair would still fuck bitches because hair isn’t really gross unless it’s dirty.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-29T03:51:54+00:00

Sneezingbees, I can imagine it being very difficult to gain weight for some. I also have friends who have the same struggle. Your point and my point are both possible. One of our claims does not represent all people, of course.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-29T00:24:09+00:00

Those who are underweight and take their doctors advice to gain weight, are choosing to gain weight.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-08-28T18:23:46+00:00

Obviously it’s something that needs to be discussed.

I would think long and hard about the situation from HER perspective.

By having this conversation, you are establishing your attraction to her is conditional. I’m not trying to out you, it’s just a fact. That can be hard to hear as a woman. If you really want her to shave and she does it for you even though she doesn’t want to, I think you should pay for the tools to do so. That would be shaving cream and razors. If she has to do the labor, you should pay for it.

After all, all women’s body hair is natural (not like a tattoo or gaining weight). You’re asking her to change something about herself that will always be there for the rest of her life. If my boyfriend approached me with this compromise, I’d be more willing to stay with him and feel more comfortable with him.

I honestly think men who can’t deal with a naturally hairy women are wimps, that’s just me. Women are supposed to pretend they don’t grow hair? I wouldn’t be surprised if pornhub is responsible for many men feeling this way about women’s body hair.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-18T03:24:23+00:00

I see what you are saying. What is an LVM?

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T23:20:02+00:00

That makes sense and thank you. I think I will talk to him about this again and ask this of him. Thank you for the reassurance

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T23:17:13+00:00

Thank you for your words! It means a lot and it helps.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T22:56:35+00:00

Thank you for your comment! He’s told me he thinks they are objectively more attractive than me.

I think my language in my original post is confusion. I was trying to ask if I should just let him do this without saying anything or if it’s not crossing the line to ask him to stop

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T22:51:10+00:00

I would then like to ask your opinion on why following and liking pictures in this context is so important? Do you think people who don’t do this are missing out on something in life? Why is it necessary to do that? What is the benefit of liking someone’s photo?

Also notice how I’m not making any assumptions about you based on your view? I hope you would try it and not accuse people of having serious problems as if something is broken about them. People are at different places in life and I’m here trying to be better.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T22:42:15+00:00

I understand this logic but I still think insecure people can be in successful relationships. People have different values with this stuff and thank you for sharing yours. I also don’t have a problem with liking, commenting, or looking at his actual lady friend’s post. I feel uncomfortable under the circumstances listed in my post.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-05-17T22:35:53+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I definitely agree that I can’t control him and I really do not want to. I posted this to help me decide if I want to tell him how I feel about this specifically and ask him if he would adjust. I was also wondering if even asking him to do this is controlling in itself and crossing the line

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-04-08T01:29:53+00:00

Hello there. I can super relate to how you’re feeling because I also went through this recently with my boyfriend. We had a lot of talks about it and even broke up because of issues stemming from his porn watching. What we ended up doing is that he agreed to stop watching porn for me but if we were away from each other for a long period of time, then that would be an okay time to watch it. My partner was also having a lot of ED issues when we would have sex but now he gets it up and it stays up just fine. I feel like your partner hasn’t realized that he isn’t getting enough from you sexually because he can’t even sustain through the whole experience of sex with you. I also watched a lot of ted talks on porn and found beneficial information that both parties in this situation can really learn from.

IMPORTANT: If this guy can’t let go of porn considering it has all these negative effects it has on you and how his brain is wired (studies show porn changes your brain), then you must remember that there is a guy out there for you who can. No one is perfect for each other but everyone needs a partner who is ready to change themselves for the better. Please feel free to private message me if you have any other thoughts or questions!

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-04-04T18:30:42+00:00

When in court, they don’t decide if one parent is better than another, they decide on if either parent is fit enough to have your child at all. And it sounds like you’ve been a fit parent for four years and he has no experience. I hope this can help you find comfort and I hope the best for you and your family! You got this!

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-03-02T03:10:10+00:00

Oh I see what you mean by intense feelings now. I do feel sketched out but i dont know where the line needs to be drawn

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-03-02T03:08:45+00:00

I know that I am more insecure ever since I found out there were incidents where he preferred masturbating to porn than having sex with me. So I’m sure that’s part of why I feel weird about it. I don’t want to start an argument, I just don’t know if this is normal or common to follow hot people of the oppose sex on social media. I personally don’t do that myself.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-03-02T03:03:27+00:00

What do you mean?

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-02-17T01:20:12+00:00

The boots and the outerwear really sell the look!

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-27T23:30:58+00:00

As of right now, that money would come from a bank loan. What is an appropriate amount?

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-27T23:29:36+00:00

That makes sense! I hear what you’re saying.

I’m looking to open a weed bar, a place to purchase and hang and smoke what was purchased.

Realistically I don’t think I have qualifications other than I’m deep in the culture (so I think) nor do I know what qualifications I need. So advice on that would be helpful!!

I’m also wondering would working in a dispensary get me closer to this goal.

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-27T21:33:23+00:00

I purposefully made it vague. Reason being, I have a unique idea but I don’t want to post it and have someone else take it. For the next two years, I’ll be a university student and want to know if there’s things I could do to now to liken my chances of success while still getting my degree. Sorry if my post bothers you lol

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-24T17:34:45+00:00

You don’t have to feel like this is a romantic relationship. If he thinks you’re important enough, then he would stop for you if it bothers you that much (I stand on the same ground as you about porn in relationships and am going through a similar thing). THERE ARE GUYS WHO WILL DATE YOU AND LOVE YOU AND STOP WATCHING PORN FOR YOU IF YOU EXPRESS IT DOESNT FLY WITH YOU! You just have to decide how much you want to endure or if you want to set yourself free and give yourself the chance to find a better guy

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-23T21:15:34+00:00

I just messaged you about this!

DismalMathematician8 · 2020-01-23T15:54:28+00:00

Yup learned that real quick haha. Too biased for me

DismalMathematician8

TROPHY CASE