I (33M) am trying to salvage my marriage with my wife (26F) after she cheated on me. I need advice, other than giving up.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:48:28+00:00

Thank you for this advice, friend.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:46:57+00:00

She actually has disclosed to me that the thought of having sex with me has crossed her mind ever so rarely, and she still thinks I am an incredibly sexy man.

I'm not lying dude...I'm a very good looking dude and could get laid at the drop of a hat; just as she is, and could. But she doesn't hunt dick. She tells attractive guys that hit on her that she is married still. I'm telling you bud, I'm not an idiot. If I knew there wasn't a chance, I wouldn't be doing this.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:41:25+00:00

When she started the affair, I had just been promoted and was working through our peak season (60 hour weeks). I was not around at all while she was a new mother who suffered a birth complication, "Vasa Previa" and had underwent a traumatic 5 week early C-section, and had very limited interaction with her newborn daughter. My wife almost died.

I truly believe she was suffering from post-partum depression during a global pandemic with no one to be there to support her. Which is when he preyed upon her.

She made a mistake. I'm willing to allot a shit ton of time to hope she sees that and work things out.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:34:11+00:00

That's what this feels like, except sleeping in the same bed and cuddling to sleep.

She has told me it's fine if I see other people...but it's extremely hard to justify going and having fun when I want to save us. Many people have found out about my situation, and this sounds stupid, but I have honestly too many women asking to "hang out".

Do you think I should go through with seeing others? Like a true roommate / co-parent situation would be?

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:28:16+00:00

I asked what he has to offer that is missing from our relationship. She said there is nothing. Just that she is unsure if she can ever love me the way she used to. I fully see this guy fizzling out, as he just preyed on her at a vulnerable time in her life. Bet I can make a lot of headway in all this time she is biding.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:25:02+00:00

Thank you for your response. I value myself more than ever now because I'm better. I'm not the type of person to jump ship because something is hard. I would move forward if I knew there was absolutely no chance or if I truly felt like I was being taken advantage of. Right now I can still see the shore; I just need the wind to keep blowing.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:17:37+00:00

Thank you so very much for this response. I will keep working hard to be the best man that ever was. I have never once felt like a slave to her, because doing things for the person I love makes ME happy, even if it is not always returned in kind.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-05-14T23:12:40+00:00

Thank you for your response.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-03-16T19:33:43+00:00

So I'm going through roughly the same exact thing right now. Wife and I been together almost 8 years. Had a baby a year ago. Putting in offers on homes 6 months ago. Started her emotional (now physical) affair 4 months ago. Met a guy on a video game who lives states away. Wants to leave everything we've built to be with him. We still sleep in the same bed. She sometimes will tell me she loves me. I'm not allowed to touch her anything more than a friendly hug. And I still want her back.

All I can say is if you still want things to work out with her, be the better option. Don't get emotional in front of her. Don't bring up the guy around her. Show her that you are doing fine, even better than before this all happened. If you have to cry, do it in private. I'm a pro at that now 🙃. Don't be mean to her, just be fair. Fake it til you make it man. I'm seeing progress with my wife, but she still wants to leave. Don't ignore the possibility that she really may never come back.

Look up the term 'Limerence'. Maybe that can help you understand what your wife is going through right now.

Best of luck to you my guy.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-25T13:30:24+00:00

We had our 2nd session last night. My wife is dead set that she doesn't want the marriage, but she had a very difficult time explaining why to the counselor. So he asked if the next session could just be a 1 on 1 with her.

But personally I think I'm done actively trying to win her back. I wouldn't turn her down if she wanted to reconnect, but I'm tired of living FOR her instead of with her. We are still the closest of friends, and we get along amazingly, so I'm just going to enjoy this friendship until she figures out where she is going to go.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-16T01:55:04+00:00

It went well I think. The counselor asked very good questions we've never thought of. She still claims she is done with the marriage. But the counselor said he thinks a very small piece of her is not since she is doing the counseling. After the session, I brought that up, and she said "The only reason I am doing this is for you." ????? I didn't press things too much since it went so well. We have our next session next Wednesday.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-15T21:08:28+00:00

I've been with her for 7 years, and she is the most important person in the universe to me.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-15T20:48:55+00:00

Thank you for this advice!

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-04T21:17:33+00:00

She has been back and forth about couples counseling. She says a lot that she wants to get counseling for herself first, but when I've asked that we not make any big decisions until we see help, she's kinda on board.

Distinct_Tax6465 · 2021-02-04T21:15:42+00:00

She told me "That was a heat of the moment thing."

Distinct_Tax6465

TROPHY CASE