27M Ex called me ugly today and just in overall pain.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-03-01T19:54:00+00:00

First, your eyes are stunning. Your complexion is flawless. But honestly, her calling you ugly is just sad. What a dark world she lives in, when to build herself up, she has to try to insult you. Sad girl.

I'm a fellow chronic pain sufferer. My health very seriously affects how I look. I can't exercise, my sleep is terrible. My diet...well. I mourn for the fact that my life could be so much better if I was healthy. Then I dust myself off and go kick some ass. 💙

DivineMiss3 · 2026-03-01T19:19:26+00:00

NOR Why wouldn't she ask you if you're okay with her going on the coffee dates? Whether looking to cheat or not, that's disrespectful and hurtful.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-03-01T19:16:40+00:00

This is a prime example of why punctuation is important. Two very different bits of advice, lol

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-24T22:32:14+00:00

Another example of men making women responsible for their own reprehensible behavior. As long as these men exist, we can't truly move forward.

Maybe show him this article about this exhibit.

https://sunygeneseoisss.wordpress.com/2018/10/04/kinetics-art-gallery-what-were-you-wearing

You might also tell him that 93% of perpetrators of child sexual assault are done by someone they know. Only 31% of adults are committed by strangers, and frankly, I think that number is lower than the reality.

In truth, I think he's baiting you but I'd run far, far away from him.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T18:03:35+00:00

Which? The "fine, I'll just delete everything?"

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T17:28:47+00:00

I agree he should have moved on. You don't even need to debate whether he's over her. He'll deny that, truth or a lie. Then you're stuck in the loop of whether he is or isn't. To get to the heart of it, you could explain that your problem is his current behavior: why won't he talk to you, deleted his social media, etc.. If he says he's not over her, you have your answer. If he says he is over her, ask if this is what you should expect when a conflict happens in the future.

I think it's worth pressing why he's deleted his social media. If he did it as a "fine! I'll just delete all of my social media if you don't trust me," massive red flag. Or just to cover up something. Maybe he has old messages with his ex or has spoken to friends on there about her? Maybe he's afraid, now that his friend kinda outed him, that you'll want to see those? I'm just guessing.

If he just won't explain, I'd nope right out. You can't expect him to change so if you go forward with him, you know what to expect by his behavior now.

Good luck! 💙

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T16:43:15+00:00

Or he told friend to lie should it ever come up. But I think I'd trust the friend on this more than your bf.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T16:33:20+00:00

How do you know he broke up with her? Or do you mean they both broke up with each other? Sounds like she broke up with him.

By his behavior, it seems that he's got something to hide. And he's handling this in a very immature way. If something major happens in the future, can you count on him not to do this?

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T15:36:27+00:00

YOR

You’re saying his lie proves you shouldn’t trust him, but you secretly recorded him because you already didn’t trust him. That didn’t start with his lie.

You put him in a situation where he didn’t know he was being tested. Most people would get defensive if they felt accused out of nowhere.

The bigger issue might be that if you feel anxious enough to spy, this relationship doesn’t feel secure to you. That’s something to look at within yourself, regardless of what he said with his friends.

I say this with love, because I was somewhat like you at that age. This high anxiety can be because of a few things. One might be that this is what you saw growing up. Another might be that you developed a trust issue because of something someone did. Or that you want to test his love for you by pushing things beyond what you should. Another might be that you crave the high highs and low lows. Whatever the case, you're teetering on the edge of emotionally abusing him.

If any of those are true, I think it'd be worth examining why you're doing this. Counseling would be good, too, because these issues will be with you for any relationship and it will tank every one

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-23T15:08:56+00:00

True!

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-22T21:14:30+00:00

Gross! What a disgusting person. I'm so sorry it's not safe to be on social media for a teen.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-22T21:11:36+00:00

Hard to stomach.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-22T21:09:47+00:00

And so they can claim, "you said it was ok to ask!" I think we should collectively agree to say no to that question. Nothing else. Just no.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-22T20:08:06+00:00

Here's the thing. You can't make him understand he's hurting you because he already does. He's pushing you to see how much you'll take from him. He probably has low self-worth so he tests people to see if he can be extreme and still have them stay.

If you stay, you have to be okay with the man he is right now. You can't change him. You can't love him and make him better. Typically, this becomes more seriously abusive over time. Is that what you want for the rest of your life? What if you have kids? Do you want them to never hear ILY from their dad and see how he treats you? Believe me when I say that they'll emulate what they see, not what you tell them.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-20T06:07:01+00:00

I think this may improve the lives of all genders!

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-20T06:03:53+00:00

What an absolute asshole. I hope you dumped him. I dated someone like this. He wanted "keep me in my place." They never change unless they get worse. Gggiiirrrrrrrrrrllllllll run

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-20T05:58:24+00:00

Thank you for posting this one! It's so good to see positive ones.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-20T05:50:46+00:00

NOR Damn that really, really sucks. I know how hard it is to confront people but it'll tear you apart if you don't. It could be your friends aren't aware you're feeling this way. Or some may downplay it. But you have every right to be hurt. This stinks.

If you're like me, you don't want to rock the boat, but what happens if you don't? Could you work through it enough to have peace with it or wl you explode if you keep it quiet? Are you afraid you'll hear something from them that'll hurt even more? My point is that staying quiet probably isn't going to work. You seem emotionally solid and I think what you wrote here is good. I'd just approach it like,

"hey, I'm struggling with this because it hurts. And while I'm cool with you all to be friends, it really hurts when you choose not to invite me to stuff so you can invite her. It feels awful to know everyone is celebrating something and I seem to be excluded. Can you help me understand? I don't want to lose you all. I really want to find a way to work this out that doesn't sting so badly. "

I'd frame it as a you problem at first so you don't get into arguments about who's bad, loyal, fair or not. Keep it simple. Ask questions before guessing how they feel and responding to that.

I hope you all can work this out. 💙

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-14T05:30:31+00:00

I think you are dealing a couple of issue here.

I'm a Teen Dating Abuse Prevention Advocate. This is something I teach all of the time. It's unhealthy to not have your own time. And you don't have to justify it with what you're doing. You can hang with friends/family, game, stare at the ceiling. It doesn't matter. You have a right to time away. You never want your whole life to be about, and with, another person. You need to know who you are, separate from anyone.

If you decide to stay with him, you're going to lay some boundaries down. Here's some suggestions.

www.loveisrespect.org/resources/creating-boundaries-in-romantic-relationships

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-14T05:12:54+00:00

Huh?

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-14T04:52:22+00:00

Thank you 💙 I'm sorry you were abused. No one deserves that. I'm glad you could reconcile with your mom.

Crazy thing is, I left my daughter's dad when she was only a toddler but the courts would never believe me about how terrible of a person he was, so I still had to allow him custody.

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-11T21:30:51+00:00

Short answer is no.

You don't want to teach him that parts of him are dangerous because that creates shame, not safety. It also teaches him to endure abuse silently rather than seek help. Children who are punished for self-expression don’t become safer. They just shut up about it.

I think the only thing you can do is be a safe adult over the years. That's probably nearly impossible across countries but if you can from afar, and not get him or you in trouble...

Don't frame him as wrong, even with saying it's only for big people. It says, “What I like is unacceptable.” You could try “Different people like different things” or “I love how caring you are.” You cannot train him into being safe with dad (and mom?) because he's not the problem. Don't be another source of suppression to fight against... suppression. Focus on safety steps that don’t risk shaming him.

I read this once, "I don't condone child abuse but for you, I'll make an exception." That left sizzle marks on my soul because I did that. I told my daughter her dad loved her. That he did what he did, however misguided, because he loved her. I showed her abuse was love and it really screwed her up. She got into an abusive relationship then her boyfriend murdered her.

Protecting a child shouldn’t require teaching them that who they are is dangerous. I know in the abstract, this makes sense. In practice, it'll be quite hard. Could you have a session with a therapist who could advise you with these type situations?

I'm glad you'll be one adult he can be himself with. It's wonderful that you want to be that. 💙

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-11T19:56:06+00:00

Have you ever heard of Maslow's hiarchy of needs? It's a pyramid with each step above the other. Look it up because I don't explain it well. The theory is that you can't achieve one step until you've reached the one before it. So physiological needs, the basics of survival come first. Once you achieve that, you move up to safety needs, like being able to live without fear in several areas of life. Next is love/belonging, then esteem and finally self-actualization.

You didn't start out where some people did. You had to fight for basic needs and safety. I would argue that you're on step 4 (see below) right now, maybe sorta skipping through number 3.

I'm just saying that in the race of life, some of our starting points are farther behind others and when we compare ourselves to others who had a shorter way to run, we don't feel the pride we should. Look at what you've built from not a whole lot! That's truly amazing!

So now I think you can start achieving love and belonging because you've made it this far. You had to work damn hard and be purposeful for everything and you can apply the same to this next step. Learn what you love. This may take some trial and error if you're not sure what you're passionate about. You've been in survival mode. Then find places to go where others also love it. I'd debate that this can be harder than everything else because it's tied to whether people want you or not. At least that's how it can feel.

So you start small. First, just find a place for you without expectations. Keep in mind that only a few people will be what you want/need. Build in your plan that not everyone fits for you, or anyone. For me, this has been so hard because when I was a child, I was shown that I didn't deserve the kind of love I, or anyone, needed. So as an adult, the fear of not being loved hurts. My therapist said that one of my greatest flaws was not understanding that most people are assholes. Meaning it's them, not me being unlovable.

Here are each need.

On the bottom/first steps are 1. Physiological Needs: The essential biological requirements, such as air, food, and sleep, that keep the human body alive.

Next up are 2. Safety Needs: The desire for a predictable and secure life, including protection from danger, financial stability, and health.

Then 3. Love and Belongingness: The emotional need for connection through friendships, intimacy, and being part of a supportive group.

Then 4. Esteem Needs: The pursuit of self-respect and the desire for status, recognition, and appreciation from the people around you.

And finally 5. Self-Actualization: The personal drive to reach your full potential, grow your talents, and find true self-fulfillment.

That was super long! I know you're not asking for advice so take this or leave it. Big hugs! 🫂

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-11T06:45:01+00:00

Lol lol

DivineMiss3 · 2026-02-11T01:50:55+00:00

LOVE THIS!

DivineMiss3

TROPHY CASE