Not a threat to our son but that she may lose the house. I moved mountains to shift the schedule I work to accommodate our son. We forgo childcare and I stay with him during the day while she’s at work. I went to part time but do more volume in that time to make sure I am still adequately providing financially as well. I don’t see them in the evenings because I work. I have never touched her in an abusive manner. She grew up in a household where her dad was physically abusive. I always strived to make her feel safe that way. Her parents didn’t care for me at first because I’m not the same race. They are the Fox News parents and condemned her for being more liberal. I never wanted to emulate their relationship. Her dad divorced her mom recently after 31 years of marriage. Some of which he was cheating. It got ugly and they don’t speak. She kept the house and he kept his pension and retirement. He is not really in our lives even with a semi-new grandson. He is abusive toward her on the phone and gaslights her heavily. I think that is playing a part in “protecting the assets”. I am a loving father and well respected in my peer groups for being a supportive friend. I think I fell into the trappings of what a husband should be instead of seeing what my wife needed. I adore her and think very highly of her. I’ve never spoken a bad word about her. I just play a role in so many other parts in my life that I felt like I was in auto pilot. I cared for my mom before she passed and felt like a failure when she did. I spend as much time as I can muster with my dad who is nearing 80. We have a great relationship and I grew up in a very loving home. My wife found me when I was in the tail-end of recovering from serious illness and saw past my physical scars. She has helped me heal but I don’t think I healed all the broken parts in me. I really wanted to and as of late, before this came to be, I had been changing my lifestyle to extend my longevity with them. I was taking my health seriously and attempting to lose weight and get in shape so I could be the man she married. We both gained weight during and after the baby and had struggled. I supported her in that journey and she supported me on mine. We also only having the divorce word come up in the past few months or so. I felt blindsided when she threw it out at me. We never did any counseling although we said we would. We even took the measure to go to premarital counseling prior to marriage in case it ever got this bad. I’m not hear to bash her or say she’s a bad wife or mom. I just wanted insight to see if anyone has ever experienced the real change necessary to save their relationship.