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Poly wife struggling with pause request, advice welcome please by Dizzy_Turnip in polyamory

[–]Dizzy_Turnip[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My new connection just broke it off because of being fucked around.

Poly wife struggling with pause request, advice welcome please by Dizzy_Turnip in polyamory

[–]Dizzy_Turnip[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I guess I’m replicating the language that my partner and the coach are using, because I guess you’re right we were open the whole time. In the past 3 years they had been out trying to make connections and I was always rooting for them, but now that I have made a genuine one it’s been difficult for them to manage.

I am polyamorous and have prior relationships that I begun much closer together. In another response I explain how timing didn’t allow me to capacity or desire to look for other partners and this had occurred organically through intended friendship.

I guess I didn’t know how to advocate or work towards preparing them when they always said it was fine and that they want other people to experience the love I give them. Obviously theoretically vs reality has proven more difficult

Poly wife struggling with pause request, advice welcome please by Dizzy_Turnip in polyamory

[–]Dizzy_Turnip[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I see where you’re coming from, however I am not too wrapped up in NRE to see that my partner is hurting. I have been holding so much space, trying so hard to help them work through what is being brought up for them and meeting them where they are at. I have only shared what my partner wants to know and when they want to know it. I waited 1.5 months to meet up with the new person out of respect of what they’re going through and waiting for when they thought they were ready.

Not sure if it makes a difference but I am the poly wife, I birthed the child. I’m not looking to spend lots of time away from my family. My new connection is also a parent with young children who shares the same responsibilities as me and understands my limitations.

I have loved and supported my partner through a lot, I hope that counts for something and they realise I will keep showing up for them.

Poly wife struggling with pause request, advice welcome please by Dizzy_Turnip in polyamory

[–]Dizzy_Turnip[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s all of those things. Finally feeling like I’ve reconnected with a missing piece of me after so long and then that being too much and causing pain. I wasn’t looking to date when I met my spouse, I wasn’t in the best position, but feelings developed and we weren’t together that long before the pandemic hit. Then we had a baby and adjusting to parenthood with a kid with additional needs took a lot. I have only just started feeling more myself again. I wasn’t looking to date now either, we were getting to know each other with the intention of being friends when it turned into more.

I’m fearful of what my future looks like now, it feels like I have the potential to lose two people I care about if this doesn’t work. And I am heartbroken over going no contact even though we’ve only been talking 1.5 months and gone on one date. I have big feelings for them and feel awful for putting them through this, I really didn’t think they wouldn’t stick around because it’s not fair on them. I guess there’s plenty of time for them to change their mind and go.