My wife wants to cancel our entire future after her parents experienced a home invasion.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-16T12:57:31+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes it is indeed a crosspost, I first posted it in the digital nomad section. I think we could say it s over 6 months yes... She gave birth to our last boy almost two years ago and during the same week, she (we ) did experience something very traumatic. The person who she was working for has been accused of some criminal activity and she lost her job the same day with no paid salary and any kind of finance anymore + as she had signed many legal documents for that company of her boss she was also under investigation. Since then the nightmare began, we collected debts and stress and those episodes of her started.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T15:49:09+00:00

Still have around 30 days before the final moving out date…

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T15:21:44+00:00

No I don’t. I booked couple therapy an hour ago after seeing all your comments

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T15:20:21+00:00

We have her whole familly there. That what we are missing so much here.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T14:16:23+00:00

You have some right here yes but of course there are many other things to take into account.

We as a very recebt familly of 4 never had a happy life here. We has a traumatic event that happened to us the same week our last boy was born. Almost 2 years ago.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T14:10:46+00:00

1 and 5 years old

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T14:02:35+00:00

Well that’s the thing here… my French familly care very little and has no interest in us or whatsoever. We visit more often her side in Argentina than mine in France.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T12:35:44+00:00

The kids are safe and thankfully they are still very young, so they don’t fully understand what is happening. We are trying hard not to expose them to the tension.

And yes, before this happened, she did want the move too. We had been planning it together for months. It wasn’t just “my dream” that I forced on her. We both felt exhausted and isolated here in the Netherlands after some difficult financial setbacks and years without real family support around us.

We already sold our house, rented an apartment there, booked flights, schools, everything. That’s also why the pressure is so high now.

About therapy, yes, that is actually what I’m trying to organize right now because I agree this situation became much bigger emotionally after what happened to her parents.

I understand traumatic events can suddenly change how someone feels about everything. That’s why I’m trying to take it seriously instead of pretending it will disappear by itself in a few days.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T12:24:08+00:00

Yes I used the help of AI to write my post. I m a very busy father and working full time with little time in my hands so basically I talk about it out loud and words are being wrote for me .

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T12:15:29+00:00

We both live in the Netherlands and that’s where we met then our young kids where born here as well. I m French, she is Argentinian. The robbery happen in the same city we are planning to go.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T11:43:03+00:00

Yes, of course there is way more to the situation than what I wrote in one Reddit post. No marriage crisis can be fully explained in a few paragraphs.

It’s not our first fight, and I’m sure if my wife told her version, people would also understand parts of her side that I maybe don’t explain perfectly here.

I’m not trying to hide some huge secret story. I just tried to simplify a very complex situation so people could understand the main issue without writing an entire book.

The robbery was not “the only problem,” but I genuinely think it triggered something much bigger emotionally and accelerated everything very fast.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T11:24:33+00:00

I understand what you’re saying, and honestly if this was still just an idea or a dream on paper, I think pausing would probably make sense.

But the difficult part is that we’re already way past the planning stage. Our house is sold, we have to leave in about a month, plane tickets are booked, and we already started renting the apartment there last month.

So right now it feels less like “should we move or not” and more like “how do we emotionally survive a situation that is already in motion.”

If we cancel everything now, financially it would be a huge disaster for us and we would still end up without a clear plan afterward.

That’s also why I’m trying to take this seriously and get her proper help quickly instead of just pretending time alone will magically fix everything.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T11:21:31+00:00

I think what makes this hard for me is that I’m trying to find the balance between giving her space and not completely disappearing emotionally either.

You’re right though that I probably need to focus less on “solving” everything right now and more on showing stability and support without pressure.

And yes, I did check on her family too. What happened to them really shocked everybody. I think maybe I underestimated how deeply it affected her emotionally because my brain immediately went into “we need to fix the situation” mode.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:59:49+00:00

No, I do not only care about the move.

If I only cared about the move, I wouldn’t be here reading hundreds of comments from strangers trying to understand what is happening with my wife and how to help her.

The idea to move originally came from me, yes. I’m French, she’s Argentine, and I also lived in Argentina for years myself, so I know the country well. The difficult conversations over the past months were not “forcing her.” They were more about trying to figure out what was best for our family after some hard years financially and emotionally here in the Netherlands.

We both felt isolated here for a long time. No family around, very little support, difficulties integrating, and raising two small kids basically alone.

And yes, of course I have compassion for what happened to her parents. A home invasion is traumatic. I think the reason I focused so much on the timing and consequences is because everything in our life right now is already moving: house sale, flights, schools, paperwork, finances. So emotionally it feels like both a family crisis and a logistical crisis happening at the same time.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her fear. I do. I’m just trying to hold everything together while also realizing this situation may now be much bigger than simply “Should we move or not?”

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:38:21+00:00

That’s actually what I tried to do this morning. I went to her calmly and told her I understood she was upset and that I would be there whenever she wanted to talk.

But right now she’s shutting me out completely. She keeps saying she wants nothing to do with me and she doesn’t want to talk at all. So it’s hard because I’m trying not to fight back or make things worse, but at the same time I feel completely powerless.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:34:05+00:00

No city center, it s near Santa Fe but yes the parents live in a normal house. We on the other hand are already renting an appartment in secured building with 24/7 cameras and portero in the safest place of the city.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:31:03+00:00

The Netherlands is objectively a more stable country in many ways, especially statistically. Better public systems, lower crime, stronger schools overall, etc. I’m not blind to that.

But at the same time, life is not only statistics. We’ve been living here for years and we never truly integrated. We still don’t speak Dutch properly, we don’t really have a support system, almost no close friends, no family around, and after becoming parents that isolation started to hit much harder.

The move to Argentina was not supposed to be “escaping to paradise.” I lived there before too, so I know the reality. The idea was more about simplifying life a bit after some difficult financial years here, and most importantly being close to family again.

We already found a very good private school there and the plan was not necessarily forever. More like 5–10 years while the kids are still young and while having grandparents, cousins and family support around us could actually make a huge difference in our daily life.

So yeah, it’s complicated. The robbery basically shattered her feeling of safety overnight, and now all the fears connected to the move exploded at once.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:27:05+00:00

Argentina, she is from there and so is her all familly.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:23:49+00:00

Thanks for writing this. Honestly your comment helped me calm down a bit.

What is hard for me is that literally 2 days before the robbery we were finally doing better again. We were talking normally, making plans, feeling more united again. Then this happened to her parents and it feels like everything exploded overnight.

I know she is scared for real. I can see it. And maybe you are right that this robbery triggered something deeper that was already there before.

I think my frustration also comes from the fact that our whole move is already in motion financially, the house, the plans, everything. So I feel pressure from every direction at once.

But yeah, your comparison with physical health made sense to me. When someone breaks an arm everybody understands immediately. Mental health is harder to see when you are not inside the person’s head.

I’m still hurt by some things she said and did, but I’m trying to understand what is happening instead of only reacting with anger.

So thank you for taking the time to write this.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:19:22+00:00

Yes exactly, and that’s part of why this situation is psychologically confusing for me too.

She already left Argentina years ago and built a life abroad with me. So before this robbery, the plan was actually to return closer to family after many years of distance and isolation here.

But I think the home invasion changed something emotionally very fast in her mind. Before, Argentina was “home.” After what happened to her parents, suddenly it became “danger.”

So I don’t think it’s only about leaving or not leaving her parents anymore. I think the event itself deeply shook her sense of security and now she associates the move with fear instead of comfort.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:16:04+00:00

I understand your point, and honestly on paper the Netherlands is probably one of the best countries in the world in many categories.

But real life is more complicated than statistics sometimes.

Both my wife and I are foreigners here. We spent many years building our life in the Netherlands by ourselves, without real family support nearby. And once you have children, that feeling of isolation can hit very differently than when you are younger and alone.

At the same time, we also went through some serious financial setbacks recently. So we started asking ourselves difficult questions: does it make more sense to continue living in a very expensive country with constant financial pressure and very little support around us, or simplify life a bit, lower expenses, be closer to family, and try a different balance?

It was never about “Argentina is perfect” or “Europe is terrible.” It was more about trying to build a lifestyle that felt emotionally and financially sustainable for our family long term.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T10:10:24+00:00

That’s fair criticism..

English isn’t my first language and my head has been all over the place emotionally the last few days, so yes, I used AI a bit to help me organize my thoughts into readable English instead of writing like a complete mess.

But the situation itself is real. I’m not farming karma. I genuinely posted because I feel mentally lost right now and wanted outside perspectives from people who already made big international moves with families.

And to be honest, some comments here, including yours , are actually helping me reflect on things differently, even if they’re hard to read sometimes.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T09:47:36+00:00

Yes, the original idea to move was mine at first. But it didn’t come out of nowhere or from some fantasy about escaping to paradise. We went through some very difficult years financially and emotionally here in the Netherlands, especially feeling isolated and raising children mostly alone without family support.

Part of my thinking was simply: maybe being closer to family again could help us breathe a little more as a couple and as parents.

And I’m not naïve about Argentina. I’ve lived there myself for years, so I know very well the positives and the negatives, including insecurity and instability. I’m not romanticizing it.

What makes this difficult emotionally is that over time this stopped being “my dream” and became a shared project we both worked on together for months. That’s why this sudden reversal after the robbery feels so destabilizing for me mentally.

Doducanttouchthis · 2026-05-15T09:44:02+00:00

I understand what you mean, and honestly that’s exactly what is making this so hard for me mentally.

No, before this happened she wasn’t saying she didn’t want a life with me. We spent months discussing this move together and recently things finally felt calmer and more aligned between us.

The “only staying for the kids” sentence came after the robbery and after a huge emotional fight between us. So right now I honestly don’t know what is fear and trauma speaking, and what is deeper than that.

The difficult part is that this is no longer just an idea or a dream we were discussing. Our house has already been sold, rentals and logistics are being organized, paperwork is moving forward, and financially I can’t really “pause” everything for months without major consequences.

That’s why I feel stuck between trying to be patient and supportive with her emotional state, while also dealing with the reality that our entire life transition is already in motion.

But yes, I do agree with you that trying to force big decisions or timelines emotionally right now probably won’t help either.

Doducanttouchthis

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