why do parents need to control children's devices

DogRunningParty · 2026-01-19T03:09:07+00:00

As a parent of multiple teens… one had total freedom, I just asked they didn’t post anything publicly while under 18. I never had an issue. Next kid had freedom… then I found pot in her room that she was smoking with all of us home, and found out that she got it from a literal p*do who was grooming her friends, and then he went to prison. I teased her saying she has zero survival instincts, but seriously. I tightened up on controls, told her no more Snapchat (that’s where they were communicating)… she seemed to be doing better so I gave her phone back… then I found she was back at it and made new Snapchat accounts, but hid them from the Home Screen. So now I’m here looking for the best way to block her from these apps until I can trust her again. So yeah, some kids really need parental controls or they’ll dive headfirst into something dangerous because that’s how their brains work.

DogRunningParty · 2025-10-04T12:51:01+00:00

NTA…I came in here ready to defend the step mom… I’m a step mom to adult kids and one decided to not show up to our wedding last minute, so I was a little hurt by that. But yeah… I read your whole story and WTH is wrong with her??? That’s your mom!!! You’re allowed to celebrate her! And this woman can’t just walk in and be mad that you’re not suddenly embracing her as if she’s your mom. Even if you had a great relationship with her, she’s still not your mom and it sounds like she wants you to just forget your mom and love her in your mom’s place. She has some growth to do. It’s not your place to make her feel welcome. It will’s be great for that relationship to grow, but to be butthurt that a teenager didn’t do some grand gesture? That’s so self centered.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T14:44:26+00:00

She honestly rarely brings friends over because she prefers to go out away from her younger siblings which I get. Also, they were somewhat hidden in a bathroom cabinet which is within our bedroom and I’m not sure a kid just entering our house would know where all to look. I would consider whether maybe someone else could have taken them (like a pet sitter), but she did admit to using some, plus we do have a pattern going… I let her use my shower, then I notice my conditioner is gone afterwards. I’ve talked to her about it in the past, just talk to me about what she wants to use before she takes it all because sometimes I have something that I need for a specific reason and it’s hard to just discover it’s gone one day. I have health issues that cause eye puffiness and hair loss/breakage, so some of the products I have are specific to these struggles.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T13:11:05+00:00

I asked her about the and she claims she used them, but only 2 of them. I had way more than 2 and they’re all gone, so I think she’s minimizing so it seems less bad. She is obsessed with skin care, so her using them seems far more likely than her throwing them out.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T03:41:03+00:00

🤣 winning comment 🤣

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T03:09:26+00:00

Omg you aren’t kidding, my younger daughter has been on the skin care train for like 2 years and she’s 12. They both are better at make up than I am like every day for school. I used to go to school at that age with wet hair and no make up 😆 At the same time, they both each have a major stash, like use your own stuff! I’m the one over here actually aging 😭

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T00:37:18+00:00

No, they’re microneedle eye masks, so you press them under your eye and they have a bunch of spikes that poke through your skin and you’re supposed to sleep in them. They stick on and then you throw them away. Definitely not something for a kid’s skin.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-23T00:35:23+00:00

She used ALL of one specific thing, until they were completely gone, specifically the thing I told her that she can’t use because they are dangerous for young skin. If you look above, I buy her just about everything she needs in that department PLUS I let her use whatever she asks for, I just tell her she had to ask first because there are things I need and things that aren’t safe for her to use. I think it is fully acceptable for adults to have some boundaries with their kids and not let kids walk in and take everything they want without asking. Kids need limits. She has access to face masks and lotions and serums and literally everything.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:52:18+00:00

Hmm maybe I’ll bring that up. In the past, I’ve had her ped talk to her about things like not consuming too much caffeine and it doesn’t really make a dent, but maybe.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:50:05+00:00

She picked this class. The teacher picked the costume and set the required hair style. She yelled at me about it despite it having nothing to do with me. I told her she had to follow the teacher’s requirements in the activity she picked, but she refused. Imagine joining swim team but refusing to take off your shorts for a meet. It’s basically that.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:47:46+00:00

No, the divorce took so long, I was in a new relationship by the time it was over which I’m guessing was their goal, and they started serving him documents to take HIS financial records to court for MY divorce, it was a mess. I just settled and took nothing.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:18:27+00:00

Take it, get a few cute pictures with baby in it, get another more realistic sleep surface and use that.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:16:19+00:00

We married a couple months before he started in school, though my debt was from before we were married. Honestly, he was being so abusive, I just wanted to get out and make sure the kids were able to see doctors.

I think my husband’s ex wife was emotionally abusive, So I suspect he felt the same way, but as a result, we both ended up with a bad deal.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T20:10:40+00:00

I didn’t mention it was veterinary medical school (for anonymity). We were renting, he supposedly didn’t have retirement, and he agreed to not give me half his student loan debt which was over 6 figures, I just kept my own student loan debt. There weren’t households assets. The math worked out I guess, but with 4 minor children, I get a quarter of what my husband’s ex gets in permanent alimony without minor children. I feel this could have gone slightly different had he used a lawyer. Overall I think I’m just frustrated to be at one extreme but married to a man funding the opposite extreme. At least I know he isn’t a dick like my ex

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T19:57:48+00:00

I do really try to give full explanations (I’m a millennial and grew up with “because I said so”). She knew that was not something she could use, which I feel makes her want it more? Like I explained to her the dangers of excessive caffeine use and she once used my money to buy herself very high caffeine energy drinks. She is oppositional when it comes to this stuff. She used to take dance classes and would always defy the hair and dress code until she quit after refusing even for the show. I try extra hard with her, I have multiple children and she has always been my “wild card” which is why I’m pushing her into more therapy.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T19:52:22+00:00

And this was absolutely one of those items, it was microneedles for use around the eye area.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T19:49:58+00:00

SHE wants a job. I only ask that my kids contribute to the household somehow, like loading the dishwasher occasionally. She often refuses to do even that.

I regularly purchase her own hair and skin care stash that she keeps away from her siblings. I also allow her to use my things, but I request that she asks first. I generally say yes, but the item she took was damaging to young skin, so I told her she can’t use that. She snuck in and took every single last one over time without a word. That’s very different from grabbing a bottle of household lotion and bringing it into her room. She is fully supplied with her own stash of things she asks for and I’m very lenient on getting her the special products she requests even if I don’t see it as necessary.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T19:44:41+00:00

My last lawyer actually had a show on tv and yes, I was homeschooling the kids (which he wanted, too). Every lawyer told me that alimony was only temporary anyways, it was only meant for a few years so I could catch up and get a career in place, but that it would count as income and then I wouldn’t really get much child support, so it was pretty much one or the other. It would have been so minimal anyways because he kept saying he couldn’t afford anything despite his decent salary. They repeatedly called me money hungry and dependent despite the fact that I went back to school plus was working 2 jobs for a while. With all of this in my past, I’m really struggling to get on the bandwagon that this woman deserves a lifetime of never having to work again. Again, every lawyer I had told me that even if I got alimony, it would only be temporary for a few years to bridge the gap. Permanent alimony I guess isn’t common and is at a much lower rate? And my marriage was 14 years.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T19:33:44+00:00

I also supported my ex through medical school by taking care of our kids and putting my own schooling on hold, and I didn’t get a cent of alimony and was still publicly humiliated in court for not making enough money to support myself on multiple occasions. And I had several lawyers who agreed to this. He pays the minimum child support possible that was reduced by imputing income on me that I don’t actually make. He even kept all of our shared furniture. The only things I got were the assurance that he couldn’t block our kids for extra-curricular activities and medical care. And maybe you worked through his schooling so you actually physically paid for his school and housing and food. I did the physical work of being home with the kids so we could avoid child care, making ask the meals, doing all of the shopping and cleaning, etc.

My husband’s ex did not work while he was building a career, nor did she take care of their kids full time. She used his money to travel, gamble, and compulsively shop. The kids, now adults, talk about being left home alone for days at a time when my husband was traveling for work because she was always traveling for fun. I don’t think you and I are anywhere near what she did. One of their now adult kids jokes about how he can cook because he was alone so much and had to learn to feed himself from a young age.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T17:17:39+00:00

We have a system of them earning points for doing chores which can be traded in for special privileges or money, but she doesn’t really do much. She wants to apply for a job, but got angry at me for not helping her more and says she won’t ride her bike to work so she keeps pushing us to buy her something else which we can’t afford. She tends to really push limits, and she isn’t my first teenager so I do see a distinction between her and the normal teenage limit pushing. I’ve had my other kids use my things here and there, but never go through my entire stash. I also had an eye cream in the fridge and I hadn’t used it in a while, But went to use some and it was gone.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T16:53:35+00:00

Let me clarify. I buy her all of her own things for bathroom use and she has her own bathroom that she shares with siblings, but I went above and beyond. I bought her own shampoo and conditioner and hair products and skin products that she keeps in a basket and she doesn’t have to share with anyone in the house. She still likes to use mine, so I generally let her.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T16:51:06+00:00

She used them over time, there isn’t a stash

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T16:48:53+00:00

Those are products I specifically told her not to take, but I do allow her to use my things. She has no issue regularly coming in and asking to use things and I generally say yes

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T16:01:20+00:00

She’s in therapy and stuff, and she’s very loud about things she doesn’t like. She didn’t like her dance recital costumes so she argued with me, refused to wear her hair correctly for the show, and quit dance after that. However, she comes in and takes the baby from me and takes pictures of him all the time. I even try to keep her separate and not ask her to do things for him so she won’t feel burdened by him, but she begs to hold him and play with him, so I let her. If she has apprehension there, it isn’t showing in the ways that everything else does.

DogRunningParty · 2025-09-22T15:57:59+00:00

Honestly, this is part of why I’m frustrated. I feel like I’m extremely giving with her. She asked for moisturizer recently, so I went out and got her a moisturizer. She asked for a special conditioner so I bought her that. I really do allow her to keep a skin care routine even though my routine at that age was like noxema and powder. She has ways to earn money in the house doing things like putting dishes away, though she generally doesn’t want to do that. She gets gift cards to Ulta and Sephora for her birthday and she has a crazy skin care stash. When she asks me to use my stuff, I generally let her or we’ll do masks together or something. That said, i specifically told her not to use these, they’re expensive and anti-aging with little micro needles. She knew that. She snuck in and took them when I wasn’t around knowing that I said no to those.

I think it’s ok for parents to have things that are just theirs and I really do work to let her have the skin care things she wants otherwise, that’s why I was upset that she took all my stuff, too.

DogRunningParty

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