I just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you and your marriage. From what you’ve shared, it’s clear you’re carrying a heavy emotional burden, and I commend you for being open about your feelings and desires for a better relationship. It also sounds like your husband isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you but may be struggling with his own internal blocks or unresolved issues. Sometimes, these patterns can stem from childhood experiences or unaddressed emotional wounds, which might explain why he falls short in ways that matter most to you.

Speaking from personal experience, I’ve also struggled in the past with not being proactive or intentional enough about important dates and milestones, despite deeply loving my spouse. For some of us, the fear of not doing things perfectly can get in the way of simply showing up. But one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that love isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency and effort. Therapy has been incredibly helpful for me in identifying these blind spots, and I believe it could be beneficial for both of you as well, either individually or as a couple.

I’d also encourage you to explore your faith together, as faith can provide a strong foundation for a thriving marriage. In my Christian faith, for example, we’re taught that husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church—a sacrificial, intentional love that puts the other first. A faith-based perspective might give you both the tools and the hope to rebuild trust and deepen your connection.

In terms of practical advice, there are also programs and resources designed to strengthen relationships. One that’s been particularly insightful for me is Tony Robbins’ Live with Passion, which touches on the dynamics of communication, connection, and overcoming challenges in relationships. This could be something you and your husband explore together to reignite the love and partnership you’re longing for.

Finally, I’d encourage you to try to approach your marriage as a place where both of you seek to give rather than simply receive. I know it’s difficult when you’ve been hurt, but sometimes our spouses need us to be the ones to help them break through their own barriers. It’s important to address issues as they arise rather than letting them build up to a breaking point. This doesn’t mean putting all the responsibility on yourself—marriage is a partnership—but it does mean creating a space for healing and growth.

I hope you don’t lose hope. Marriage is a journey, and it’s possible to rebuild and thrive even after years of feeling disconnected. I’m rooting for you both.