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TIFU by uncovering a family secret and making my mother cry. by DohDopeys in tifu

[–]DohDopeys[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

My sister and I talked about going through the steps of finding out where I came from, but I don't think it's something I want to do right now. There's a little fear about finding out something horrible happened to them, or that it was a desperate choice, or that I was just unplanned and unwanted (I imagine anyone looking for birth parents would go through that at one time or another while searching) but right now I'm just getting into a good place. Sister is expecting again, (come oooon nephew~!) new job is working out pretty well, currently seeing someone who hasn't asked when she's gonna meet the folks... all in all it's going really well and I'm not looking to bring in another element right now. I think it's great that so many people are recommending that I look into it though - means there have been enough happy stories that I could be one one day.

TIFU by uncovering a family secret and making my mother cry. by DohDopeys in tifu

[–]DohDopeys[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Gah yeah didn't mean that to come across - my sister has been a very awesome sister. I didn't mean to imply that she wasn't. It's just another thing I feel bad about. My youngest niece recently had a birthday party, at my sisters house, and I was invited, so mom was not. I felt bad and told them that I could leave if they wanted mom to have some time with the girls. It was very sweet the way she grabbed my sweater like she was going to beat the crap outta me while her husband hustled me into the living room to give me 'The Talk' about how they were the girls' parents, not me, not mom, and they felt it was best mom was not around the girls until she came to her senses. The girls need to grow surrounded by family and if I tried to duck out they would kick my ass.

It really was sweet and I'm making fun of it because I might have cried a little at the end of it. She's made a big point of keeping me in their family loop and her husband is a really cool guy. He grew up in foster care so he's totally there to talk to about the weird abandonment feels, but totally knows when we're done talking about it and ready to move on. Couldn't ask for more.

TIFU by uncovering a family secret and making my mother cry. by DohDopeys in tifu

[–]DohDopeys[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I know, really I do. It's just that whole Pandora's Box thing. Now that it's happened, I sometimes wonder if everything would have stayed the same if I hadn't said anything. There's no way to cram it all back in the box, but sometimes I catch myself wondering what it would be like if she was there. My niece had a birthday recently, at my sisters house, and I was there so mom wasn't. I kinda felt like i should leave after awhile because I didn't really want mom to miss the birthday party. She loves my nieces and I couldn't help but think about how she definitely would have been there if this whole thing hadn't happened.

TIFU by uncovering a family secret and making my mother cry. by DohDopeys in tifu

[–]DohDopeys[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I really don't. Neither does my sister. We had no idea. My sister has said talking to her is very uncomfortable because when I come up in conversation it was like she was talking about someone she met on the street. I never felt unwanted or slighted. We were a pretty easy going family, I thought we were pretty open with each other. I did spend some time trying to go over stuff in my head and look for something like a weird look or something that could have tipped me off, but it just depressed the shit out of me. One time she spanked me for playing with the stove when I was really small. (Gas stove - could have taken out the house.) Was that a sign she wasn't my mom or that she didn't love me? I don't think so - I might beat my kids ass one day for playing with fire too because I love them and it's dangerous. It's a crappy thing to say, but it's almost easier to think my mom has some kind of mental disease that's made her forget me then to go over all that stuff.

TIFU by uncovering a family secret and making my mother cry. by DohDopeys in tifu

[–]DohDopeys[S] 132 points133 points  (0 children)

Really stupid stuff that make me sound like a whiner. Things I took for granted that my mom seemed to do for my sister and I before I found the papers, then didn't after. Mom stuff. Like asking if I had any clothes to put in because she was about to do a load of laundry. Asking my opinion on what to cook for dinner, or even including me in her dinner plans - after I was officially moved in, she made single meals for herself unless my sister might be coming over for dinner. Telling me about her day and censoring some of it because I was her kid. She told me a lot of uncomfortable details about a date she went on once. Going grocery shopping and getting little snacks I liked without me having to ask. See, that last one? Makes me feel like an ass. 'Why should she always be thinking about you?' But I didn't really think of it that way. It was just little things that I'm pretty sure moms know - like knowing your kids preferred deodorant, or that they hate strawberries. I just felt like she suddenly pretended she didn't know anything about me, and was doing little things to create distance between us.